The Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation has just ended it first annual conference.
I have mixed feelings about it's end.
It was great to be among so many people who instantly "get it" ..... no masks are needed, no pretensions, no expectations. We all know that where we are on this path depends on who we are and how we loved. We also know that there are many who have lost friends. Friends who expected us to be better after one year, friends who expected some to be better after three years. We all agreed on one thing (actually, more than one thing) ..... we hate expectations and we know that we fail .... over and over .... to meet them.
And most of us ..... don't care anymore. It was very interesting to hear how many of us have changed our parenting styles, our friendship, our concerns, our worries, our fears .... after our spouses died ..... male and female.
Things that used to matter .... or that we THOUGHT used to matter ..... no longer do. Unfortunately, they still matter a great deal to most of the people who surround us.
And so we learn to live differently.
Not better.
Just ..... differently.
Because we have to.
It was a good weekend of being around a couple of hundred people who need no explanation.
But it was painful, too. It was hard to hear so many stories. It was hard to see so many widows who are far younger than I am.
It was tough.
It was wonderful to meet the women who started this organization and with whom I've had quite a bit of contact with. It was so good to get long, strong hugs from these friends, and I look forward to what God will do with each of us in the future.
It was great to meet other bloggers whom I've only seen on line. Now I have faces and names to put to these blogs .... which makes them all that more real.
Overall, it was a very good weekend.
It wasn't perfect .... nothing ever is. One of the sessions today was a bust, so Robin and I skipped the 3rd session to lie by the pool. I think that was much better for us.
But the other sessions were very good.
Now it is time for bed .... past time, really. I was out cold before 10 pm last night, so I'm a bit behind tonight.
I'm glad I came, but I look forward to going home and trying to get back into a "normal" life, whatever that is. But I'm going to try.
I want normal.
So. Very. Much.
7 comments:
I am so very glad you went and met so many wonderful people. Oh And MATT!!! I love you and I know I keep saying this....but I cannot wait to see you in October. I just wanna hugs and hold you and never let you go. I will of course cuz that would be a little odd for the people standing around us. LOL. Have a safe trip back! Hugs and Kisses.
I'm glad your time was good & beneficial- how neat to meet other bloggers who are going through the same thing you are. Praying for 'normal' for you! :)
A "new" normal? A pattern of living where you are able to "handle" more of the issues in front of you? A rhythm, different from the past, but still one which hopes for some emotional balance?
JB.
I am so glad that it was so beneficial. If I had not been where I am now (both geographically and mentally/emotionally), I would have been there, too. The spirit of the sisterhood (and some "brothers", too) of this whole situation is phenomenal. I was so fortunate to stumble upon your website (and others) when I SO needed to find kindred spirits. How wonderful to not need any masks. I have found only a couple of friends in Houston (widows) that I am free to be just me with. Thanks again for going, for ALL of us who did not go.
so glad you had a good, although somewhat painful week...and glad you're back...
AMW: just read this quote and immediately thought of you, not sure why, except perhaps for the honesty it represents. "She looked up and saw me and stalled. Her face didn't break into a smile like it usually did. The hand around my heart squeezed tighter. But at least she saw me and that was the main thing. Don't ever take it for granted when people look in your eyes: you've no idea how lucky you are. Actually forget about luck, you've no idea how important (that's italicized, but I don't know how to do that) it is to be acknowledged. Even if it is an angry glare, because it's when they ignore you, when they look right through you, that you should start worrying.." question: any thoughts about this quote, perhaps especially as it may pertain to masks?
same book, a few pages later:
"When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or a picture falls off the wall, it makes a noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks, it's completely silent. You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it's silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there is a noise, it's internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loudly your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white caught in the sea, it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken..."
Good evening my darling daughter.
I'm glad you're home. I hope things are finished in the house and everything is getting "back to normal". I love you very much.
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