.... to get through this time of year.
Try as I might, I just can't seem to get on top of things. Next week will be the 2 year mark of Jim's death and I seem to be marching toward it against my will. It's like hurtling through space when you just want everything to stop.
I wish that I could just snap my fingers and make myself happy.
Maybe "happy" is too much to expect. Maybe "content" is a better expectation. Sometimes I find that I am content, but not often enough. I really feel, at this moment in time, that I am just going through the motions .... taking up space .... to get through each day.
To be totally truthful, I'd rather not be here. Each day requires way too much energy. But here I am, so there you go.
I am better than I was a year ago .... the pain is not as sharp. But it's just as heavy, if that makes sense.
It makes me feel heavy. Very, very heavy.
I'm not writing this for sympathy or anything. But just to write how I feel. Not horrible. But not happy.
But I wonder ..... how many people are truly happy?
Really happy?
I hope that some day I will feel happy again.
But until that day .... I will settle for contentment.
And hope that it comes to stay ..... soon.
10 comments:
thanks for sharing.
You have every reason to feel the way you do. I have never been through anything even close to what you have, and I'm not exactly "happy" with life either. I think there are few people who are and even those people will have times in their life when they aren't. Praying that your Faith, family, and friends get you through the season and after until you find "happiness" that you're "content" with. Just remember - life is the hardest thing you will ever do, and your not going to get out of it alive anyways.
In my prayers. As you would say, "TANW." With love, Jo Ann
Praying for you through this next week and through the holiday season. Big hugs to you!
Tressa
Friend,
Remember the words in your "about me" section often. LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS. LOVE NEVER ENDS.
Love. Never. Ends.
Wishing I could do more to help you, kk
You have a broken heart, and the holidays make the hurt of Jim's absense all the more painful. Please don't be hard on yourself...if going through the motions is what you have to get through each day right now, that is just OK. You and the kids are close in heart and prayers. I love you, Vicki
I am with you my friend....in so many ways. Weary, so tired. And ready to go.
I love you.
Jill
Praying for you. I can not imagine the pain. I do know that happiness is based on circumstances and they change with the wind and the next heart beat. I think that being content is the answer and not whether we are happy in whatever "pasture" we happen to be in on any given day. Praying that you find a measure of peace and contentment and that He will be the joy of your strength. Blessings and prayers...and hugs..
Thanks for sharing Jill.
Oh Janine, How I do know what you are going through. As you know, the day after Christmas will mark my first anniversary of Johnny's death. I so agree with your comment on the pain, it has lessoned, but it is VERY heavy. I don't cry 24/7, just 7 now. As the days get closer to that year mark, I find myself more frightened. I can't believe it has been almost a year that I have lived without him. No hugs, no kisses, no laughter, no peace. The comment here from anonymous gives me hope.... knowing that we will never get out of this life alive, thank goodness for that. I, like you, so don't want to be here. My thoughts are with you daily. Hugs to you, Lorry
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