Girl Time .....

Daughter #2 is home for the weekend ..... yay!! : )

It's been a relatively quiet week. Lots of cold and lots of tennis. And only 2 emails from teachers.

I know they hate me because I don't email them back with loads of creative ideas on how to handle the teaching of my children. I don't give them the secrets to open up their little minds to the wonders of learning, nor do I assure them that this is only a passing phase and all will be well in a week.

I do none of that.

But I do console them and sympathize with them and try to assure them that it's not their ability as a teacher that's in question here. I apologize for the lack of interest & effort of my child and tell them that I wish I had an answer for them, but I do not.

I am honest, but not helpful.

And I totally wish that I could email someone about this and receive sympathy and support and honesty.

I wish that I didn't worry so much about the future of my child.

I wish that I wasn't stuck doing this alone. I didn't sign up for this and it's about the only thing that makes me very, very angry at Jim. Very.

I. Don't. Know. What. The. Hell. I'm. Doing.

I don't know how to change things.

I don't know how to make him care.

And I don't seem to have the option of quitting, though I can feel that overwhelming desire way down in my gut.

It seems that all I can do is wait. Encourage when he will listen, not get irate over grades, or lack thereof ...... and just wait.

I'm not sure what it is I'm waiting for ..... but mostly I think it's for this part of my life to be over. I don't know what that will look like, or how it will happen, or what the outcome will be for any of us ...... but I wait.

And I worry.

I wish I didn't, but that button was pushed the day he was born. I don't think moms have the ability to turn it off ..... ever.

Kind of like the love that comes with each child.

You can't turn that off, either.

No matter how much you want to some days.

If you're honest.

I love him.

Too much.

I want so much for him that it hurts.

And it's more than frustrating.

But this weekend I will focus on that fact that Daughter #2 is here.

And we will enjoy girl time.