My sister and her two children came in on Wednesday. Her youngest is 11. The last time they came was right after Jim died, when her son was 4. It's been an amazing 4 years, has it not?
Son #3 is supposed to join us tomorrow night, as is (hopefully) Son #2.
In big news .... Son #2 got a full time job on Monday. Yes ... indeed .... Woot!!!!!
He interviewed with a man who is either running or owns this new "wine bar" in town. They opened up last night for an invitation only event and he said it went pretty well.
Tonight they opened to the public for the first time. I wish we could've been there.
He interviewed with this guy on Monday and was offered a full time job right then. But he said he only wanted part time and he'd have to let him know later this week. He had waited to hear from another guy about a job. But that guy didn't call on Tuesday so Son #2 decided to call the wine bar guy and tell him that he would accept the job .... full time.
Yay. I'm relieved.
He's making small inroads, but they are, indeed inroads.
Hopefully the next step is for him to learn how to budget.
We shall see.
His girlfriend, S, seems to be doing as well as can be expected .... she seems good when I see her.
So this weekend I'll spend time with my family.
April is going to be crazy. I go to S. Carolina the 2nd week for Camp Widow East. Myrtle Beach .... can't wait. :)
So I didn't have a lot to write, but I thought I'd give you a copy of what I wrote for the Widow's Voice Blog .... because it applies here:
It applies quite often here, because every time I ponder stopping this blog, ending the writing about myself and my family and our trip through grief .....
someone new emails and asks me, very emphatically, to not quit writing.
And so I don't.
Even though I have less to say.
The kids are all doing well.
My UTI is gone. I've been tested twice in the last 2 weeks and it seems to have run it's 3 month course.
But my R.A. is flaring up at a pretty good pace. it's now in both hands, my shoulder, my elbow, which I can live with .... but the left hand ..... that totally sucks because I can't keep a grasp on anything, nor hold anything that's any heavier than a typical purse .... like a tennis racket.
Sigh.
But never mind the sigh ..... I'm enjoying the time at the lake .... and focusing on that.
We're going to have a blast.
Wish you were here.
:)
Later, Peeps .... and Happy Weekend!!!
To Keep Writing is .....
photo from here
.... to show that you are not making progress on this path?
That means that every one of the writers for Widow's Voice is still struggling to grow, to find "healing", to move forward in life?
Every time one of our writers decides that it's time for them to step down, to stop writing, many comments are made congratulating them on being able to move on with their life. They are told that they are growing because they see that it's time to leave and move on.
These comments have made me ponder. Quite a bit.
My husband died over 4 years ago.
I am in such a better place than I was 2 years ago ..... I love my life and I love the love in my life. Of course there will always be the pain of losing Jim .... of him not being here, but there are no longer the black days of grief. And I thank God for that. I lived through more black days than I thought were possible to survive.
But now I'm in a good place. A great place really.
I have grieved hard and I have moved forward. I feel like I found my "before me", at least, most of her .... and have been able to blend her in with the "after me".
I am happy.
I am content.
And yet I still write on this blog.
Why?
Why continue to post here, especially if some people see that as being unable to move forward?
Well, that's easy.
I write because I care.
I write because the passion in my life at this point is to support other widowed people, to share experiences with them and to encourage them.
My passion is to let each widow/widower know that she/he is NOT alone on this path. To let them know that they are not crazy, nor are they grieving the "wrong way" just because their timing is different than someone else's. Or their timing is different from what their friends think it should be. You know .... non-widowed friends. It's always very interesting how many varied opinions and advice you get from non-widowed friends.
My passion is to let you know that the fact that you can't remember a conversation that took place less than 24 hours ago, does not mean you are going crazy, or insane, or losing touch with reality. My passion is to tell you that losing your memory is very, very normal. Most people don't know that. I didn't. And I didn't have anyone tell me otherwise. So of course I thought I was a victim not only of widowhood, but of Alzheimer's, too. That's enough to make someone go insane! :)
My passion is to tell you that there are NOT 5 neat stages of grief. That book wasn't even written about widowed people. Grief is not neat and orderly. It's messy .... and there's no order to it.
And you are very normal when you are angry one week .... and then angry again a month later.
My passion is to tell you that grief does not have a time line. You may decide to take your rings off within a week of the funeral. Or you may be 8 years out and still wear them. That is normal.
You may have cleaned out your spouse's closet within the first month. Or you may never clean it out.
You are normal.
That, and only that, is why I still write.
To let you know that you're not alone, you're not crazy, you're not grieving "wrongly", and that you need to do things/make decisions when it feels right to do/make them. And only when it feels right .... to you.
I am not stuck in my grief.
I am not "not ready" for this new point in my life.
I am not "not moving forward".
I am fulfilling my passion.
And when I feel it's time for me to stop sharing that with you ..... I will stop.
When it feels right to me.
My writing is not an indicator of where I am in my grief.
It just shows that I want to support you in the only way I can. By sharing my experiences with you, sharing the sometimes ugly truth, to let you know that life does get better. That your grief will be easier to carry in the future because you will grow stronger.
So I hope you don't think we're all stuck here .... on this site and in our grief.
Because that is so very far from the truth.
We love connecting with you and encouraging you.
And we will all stop when our time is right to stop. For whatever reason.
But hopefully, not for a while.
:)
.... to show that you are not making progress on this path?
That means that every one of the writers for Widow's Voice is still struggling to grow, to find "healing", to move forward in life?
Every time one of our writers decides that it's time for them to step down, to stop writing, many comments are made congratulating them on being able to move on with their life. They are told that they are growing because they see that it's time to leave and move on.
These comments have made me ponder. Quite a bit.
My husband died over 4 years ago.
I am in such a better place than I was 2 years ago ..... I love my life and I love the love in my life. Of course there will always be the pain of losing Jim .... of him not being here, but there are no longer the black days of grief. And I thank God for that. I lived through more black days than I thought were possible to survive.
But now I'm in a good place. A great place really.
I have grieved hard and I have moved forward. I feel like I found my "before me", at least, most of her .... and have been able to blend her in with the "after me".
I am happy.
I am content.
And yet I still write on this blog.
Why?
Why continue to post here, especially if some people see that as being unable to move forward?
Well, that's easy.
I write because I care.
I write because the passion in my life at this point is to support other widowed people, to share experiences with them and to encourage them.
My passion is to let each widow/widower know that she/he is NOT alone on this path. To let them know that they are not crazy, nor are they grieving the "wrong way" just because their timing is different than someone else's. Or their timing is different from what their friends think it should be. You know .... non-widowed friends. It's always very interesting how many varied opinions and advice you get from non-widowed friends.
My passion is to let you know that the fact that you can't remember a conversation that took place less than 24 hours ago, does not mean you are going crazy, or insane, or losing touch with reality. My passion is to tell you that losing your memory is very, very normal. Most people don't know that. I didn't. And I didn't have anyone tell me otherwise. So of course I thought I was a victim not only of widowhood, but of Alzheimer's, too. That's enough to make someone go insane! :)
My passion is to tell you that there are NOT 5 neat stages of grief. That book wasn't even written about widowed people. Grief is not neat and orderly. It's messy .... and there's no order to it.
And you are very normal when you are angry one week .... and then angry again a month later.
My passion is to tell you that grief does not have a time line. You may decide to take your rings off within a week of the funeral. Or you may be 8 years out and still wear them. That is normal.
You may have cleaned out your spouse's closet within the first month. Or you may never clean it out.
You are normal.
That, and only that, is why I still write.
To let you know that you're not alone, you're not crazy, you're not grieving "wrongly", and that you need to do things/make decisions when it feels right to do/make them. And only when it feels right .... to you.
I am not stuck in my grief.
I am not "not ready" for this new point in my life.
I am not "not moving forward".
I am fulfilling my passion.
And when I feel it's time for me to stop sharing that with you ..... I will stop.
When it feels right to me.
My writing is not an indicator of where I am in my grief.
It just shows that I want to support you in the only way I can. By sharing my experiences with you, sharing the sometimes ugly truth, to let you know that life does get better. That your grief will be easier to carry in the future because you will grow stronger.
So I hope you don't think we're all stuck here .... on this site and in our grief.
Because that is so very far from the truth.
We love connecting with you and encouraging you.
And we will all stop when our time is right to stop. For whatever reason.
But hopefully, not for a while.
:)
2 comments:
Thanks...this made me cry happy and sad tears all mixed together...which is also normal.
Hi Janine. Glad to hear that your UTI is better. I am also glad to hear that you will continue to write. I know that you have helped me in lots of ways. I also know when I first started on this widow journey, it was good to read that there were people that actually made it out of the heaviness of early grief. When you follow someone's blog and they stop writing, it's almost like losing a friend. However, I am very glad that you are happy in your life. I knew exactly what you meant when you said you have found your before me, I remember that moment well for me, I didn't think I would ever see my before me, and now I like my blended me! Thanks again for sharing your life with all us cyber folks! Your friend, Paula
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