Just a Few Thoughts ....

.... cuz really, that's about all I have these days, just a few.

The sky is grey today and I woke up feeling blue.  I have learned during the last four years, that when I wake up feeling this way, I should stop and think about what I have going on, and what I've had going on that might make me feel "off", or sad, or ..... blue.  Maybe that ability to stop and think comes from years and years of hard-earned wisdom.
Probably not.

It's more likely that I don't want to spend the day sobbing and that's the way the morning is heading (usually) so I try to trick my brain into believing that something is going on.
Hey, whatever works for you.

But seriously, I hate these "blue times" .... I really do.
That's because I hate crying for no other reason than, "I don't know, I just FEEL sad (I'm a widow, for God's sake, give me a break!)."
It's also because I never felt this way Before.
You know, in my "Before my husband died and my world blew up and I knew what it was like to want to die.  Those of you who've read for a while know what "Before" means.  For any of you who might be reading for the first time ..... now you know and ..... I'm very sorry.  I'll give you a few seconds to get a Kleenex and compose yourself.

There.
So let's see,
1.  I woke up.  Yes, generally that's number 1.  I'm self-absorbed that way.
2.  I noticed that the sky is grey.  Yuck.  I have no idea why my first thought was "Yuck.", it just was. Ir's not like I'm a professional spring-forcasting mammal or anything.  I prefer blue skies to grey.  Nothing against grey at all.  At least not in my sky.
3.  My sister and her kids have been at my home for the last week.  I miss her.
Ahhh!  There's a tear.
4.  My mom had foot surgery in the wee hours of the morning.  I hope she's doing well.
Dang!  Another one.
5.  Son #3 is heading off to OSU tomorrow for a frat event .... I know he'll have a blast (and yes, I know exactly what goes on at those things, thank you very much!).  I'd like to be able to watch him from afar (and no, not to scream and go rescue him ..... what is it with you people?!) and see how much fun he'll have and I'd like to be in town to drop him off and then pick him up.
Ah, the mommy-guilt tear and the my-son-is-growing-up-faster-thatn-I-thought-I-wanted-him-to tear .... a double attack.
6.  And then there's the "I miss my kids tear" ..... and "I wish everybody would just let things go and have a wonderful time together" tear.  The former tear shows up quite a bit these days.  Not a lot, but more than it used to.  If I were to ponder that I'd come to the conclusion that my youngest is 17 and has a year left in high school.  But I'm not going to spend the time it would take to ponder.
7.  My R.A. seems to be progressing.  And that in itself could cause me to drown in tears if I give it enough thought, which I refuse to do.  It also might help if I call my RA Dr. and get in sooner than our next -scheduled-in-2-weeks appointment.  
8.  My sorority/pledge sisters are currently on our yearly trip to Canton.  Yes, without me .... can you imagine?  I, for one know that there is no way they are having one iota of fun up there .... no way, no how.
It's my first time to miss and I do miss them .... very, very much!  Hey V!  Hey K and C!  Hey ..... ok, I can't just sit here and initial you all.  You know who you are.  Have fun, even though I know it's impossible because I'm not with you.  (Please see #1).
This is an "I miss my friends" tear.
9. And, even though it's not number 10, his is going to my last ..... what?!  Oh good grief!!  Calm yourselves down, will you.  Go make a drink and relax.  And remember,  no matter what anyone tells you .... it's absolutely not a show of having a little problem if you want to have a Bloody Mary or a Mimosa in the morning.  I mean, hey ..... tomato juice and orange juice .... right there in the glass.  Those 2 things are on that dang pyramid!  Oh wait, we're not doing the pyramid anymore, are we?  Sheesh .... don't get me started on the things "they've" changed over the years .... more than once.  Uranus,  I'm sorry for the shame and embarrassment "they've" put you through.  Really.

OK, where was I?  Oh, yeah, this is going to be my last ...... just teasing, sorry ..... last ponder-point today. I like stopping unexpectedly.  It keeps people on their toes.
So #9?
That's simple and never changes.
9.  I miss Jim.

Yeah, I wish I could make that one funny, too.  I guess the funny (no, not in the "ha ha" way ..... I'm a widow, show some respect"  thing is that every time I feel "blue" I think of him.  Though he is not the first point/person I ponder on my "why am I feeling sad list" these days.
Which, although sometimes feels like a very awful thing, is really a very good one.

OK, that's it, Peeps.

Happy Thursday, Peeps.
:)


P.S.  I didn't edit this because my battery is dead and I just noticed that my cord is not working.  Hee Yaw ....  weekend with no power.  ACK!!!!!!!!!