picture from here
.... than being single.
Remember when I wrote this post about what happened at Camp Widow East? I remember. It ended up being a very important night for me.
It was about saying goodbye to Jim and turning to face my future .... and the person who I thought was in my future.
Well, color me stupid.
I should have known that something wasn't quite right when he was the ONLY person who didn't comment on that post.
I wrote it on my personal blog that same day and many, many people contacted me. Especially friends who had known Jim and me for a long time. They were all very happy for me. I heard/read a lot of comments about that post.
Except from one person.
One very important person.
At the time.
I guess the two of us have different definitions of love.
And I'm ok with that.
Now.
Because there are much worse things than being single.
Being with someone with a different definition is worse.
Being with someone who can't truly love is worse.
Being widowed has never been a walk in the park.
In fact, it sucks.
But I am grateful for what I had .... with Jim .... for as long as I had it .... and him.
I know what love is.
I know what love looks like.
I know what love sounds like.
And I know how love responds.
Thank God I haven't forgotten.
Because there are worse things than being single.
Being with the wrong person would be worse.
"Settling" and hoping things will work out would be worse.
Being with someone who keeps a record of wrongs (imaginary wrongs at that!), rather than a record of his love for me would be far worse.
I have been loved too well to settle for less.
And I have too much love to give to deserve less.
So I will not settle.
And I will remember what love truly is .... and that I deserve it.
Because there are worse things .... than being single.
Happy Wednesday, Peeps.
:) :) :)
Good for you! Sad and heartbreaking, too, of course, but so very much the right thing. Frankly, not everyone can hack it--true, authentic love. But anything less its just not worth the time, effort or heartache--ail the bad stuff without the really GOOD stuff!
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Knowing what you want, and what you don't, is SO important. (And, it makes you a CATCH for someone else who also knows those things, too!)
So sorry/happy for you. I know your heart is hurting and I send big hugs your way. As you know, I am in the midst of the very same thing.
ReplyDelete"I know what love is" is so true. I won't settle either. Losing Tom was devastating - choosing to sacrifice myself and my values to "be with someone' would be a tragedy.
I send love, light and comfort across the miles between dear sister. (((((((Janine)))))))
I read all the time, but comment very few times.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever settle!
Especially because you know what true LOVE is!
Wishing you the best always!
"Don't ever settle for anything less than everything" is what I say to my kids on a daily basis. Janine -- after the last breakup with Vern -- I was taken aback when you went back to him. The things he had said to you -- the hurtful and extremely disrespectful things that he said can only come from an extremely insecure person and what I've learned is that fundamentally, people don't change. Of course there are exceptions, but the vast majority of the time, they just don't. I believe you are the type of person who generally focuses on the positive and may at times, negate the negatives...just because you are so kind. I also believe that insecurity is the root of all evil.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read "saying goodbye" post -- I cried. It was beautiful and necessary and something that any man worthy of your love would be proud of you for doing. I was very surprised that Vern didn't react negatively -- in an insecure manner and handled that in what seemed to be a very mature, secure manner. I'm sorry that I was wrong -- but, I so want you to know that YOU weren't wrong in including Vern in that goodbye nor sharing it with us. Again, any man worthy of all that you are would easily handle everything you feel about Jim but honor it and embrace it.
You have been such an inspiration to me (and to so many others). I know you know that what is happening is for the best. God has a plan, honey -- believe and embrace it.
Huge, proud, hugs!
Laurie
woops, I meant that I'm sorry that I was "right".
ReplyDeleteI am sorry. Yet, I am so proud. You have shown a bravery that inspires bravery. Thank you! I continue to pray that you feel God's presence in a powerful way.
ReplyDeleteDon't date (or marry) a man you wouldn't want to see your daughter date or marry.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice I heard once.
I have two widow friends that just "settled" because they were anxious to have someone to share their lives with and did not want to waste too many years finding someone. Both are unhappy and stressed right now trying to determine the next step. I wish you well! Thanks for sharing your story; I am sure there are several widows that will do some deep thinking after reading this and, although you have felt pain, your actions may eliminate pain for a few others. You are definitely ministering to others as you write. If we had only an inkling about God's plan, widowhood would be so much easier.
ReplyDeleteJanine,
ReplyDeleteNo one is gonna color you "stupid" for taking a chance on a relationship. Thats a step I haven't been able to take after 3 years. You tried and thats a good thing. There are still great things left in your future and they will probably come your way sooner than you anticipate.
Linda
You are a very brave and wise woman. May God bless you as you continue this walk. You are an inspiration to all who read your blog.
ReplyDeleteBravo. Your personal growth is amazing.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Roma
My husband just left me. Second time in a 4.5 yr marriage. Left in a fight and took a 1 yr lease. No cooling off, talking, just OUT. The article linked to the pic at the beginning of the blog was really helpful for me. Made me sad, and I'm still mourning, but I now see that I gave up so much of myself trying to be what he needed ... but still wasn't what he needed! And, lost so much of my self. I AM better off single, than with this man who also keeps a list of "my failings" as he sees them. I literally begged and pleaded with him to come back, try again. Nope, he won't. I lost my dignity, I feel worthless. I'm in counseling and I have a job. It's friggin' scary, but I CAN DO THIS! And someday maybe I will find someone that loves me for me, flaws and all! I don't need someone perfect, and I am certainly not perfect. I so can relate! Hugs to you, lady! You will be fine!
ReplyDelete