Death .....

.... sucks.
Big time.

No ifs, ands .... or buts.  It sucks.
For those of us left here anyway.

The last couple of weeks have sucked for my sister and her family.
Almost three months ago her step son and his girlfriend had a baby.  A lovely baby girl.

And now, she's gone.
One day she was showing off her new-found smiles and coos ..... the next she stopped breathing.
And though she could medically be "brought back", she had stopped breathing far too long.  Her body was "brought back", but she was not.
She left that little body several days ago.

And a couple of days ago, everyone agreed that she was not coming back.  So it was time to let her body go.

Two months old.
And once again, I find myself asking, "OK, God ..... what the hell?"
And as I think that, my mind is pulled back through that super-fast time tunnel that seems to pop up from time to time.  It's a direct, and fast, ride for my mind from the present .... to "that" night.

I see myself sitting in "that room", knees to knees with Jim's surgeon.  He's holding my hands and trying to explain to me what he really can't explain to himself.
But my mind doesn't listen to him fully.
My mind keeps asking one question, over and over and over again.  A question to God.
"What are You thinking?  What the HELL are You thinking??!  What the HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!!!", knowing that I could not continue in this life without Jim.
Knowing that I could NOT be without him.  KNOWING that I know that, so why the hell doesn't God?!!

I never got that answer.
And I don't expect to ever get it.

Just as I don't know why God gave these two young people the best gift in the world .... and let them have her for 2 months.
What.
Was.
The.
Point?
Or was there even a point?

Two months of heaven on earth .... a baby.  A chance to make a difference.  A chance to be the best you can be.  A chance to love someone in a way you never thought possible.
And then ..... she's gone.
And it .... sucks.
Badly.

Who knew that tiny little babies can get a urinary tract infection that, when undiagnosed because there were no symptoms, can turn into meningitis?  And, still with no symptoms, no fever,  can stop a tiny little baby from breathing.
And steal her away.

No warning.  No symptoms.
No reason.

It is what it is.

And it sucks.

There is nothing left to say.
They've already heard the B.S.
"God needed her in heaven."
"She's in a better place."
"She's not suffering any more."
"You're young, you can have more children."
And then there was probably this one:  "Thankfully you only had her 2 months."  Like it would've been worse to have her die at 6, or 16.

This loss is horrific.
My heart aches so very much for them.

There.
Are.
No.
Words.

Except .... death sucks.

My sister and precious, precious Zoey.

Thanks for your prayers for her family, Peeps.
I know I don't even have to ask.  So I just say
"Thanks."