And I have wasted it.
On more than one person.
But I won't waste it again.
Which is kind of sad, because that means that I will never again trust easily.
Especially not a man.
I hope that makes him happy.
I hope he's pleased to know that he was such a dirt bag that he taught me to be wary.
Not really.
I don't hope he's happy.
He doesn't deserve to be happy.
Nor do the people who knew what he was doing.
The people who lied to me.
As he lied.
I have not reached forgiveness yet.
And I'm ok with that.
In fact, in spite of him ...... in spite of them ...... I am happy.
Very happy.
And very, very, VERY relieved.
I'm also thankful.
Thankful that I grew very tired of walking on egg shells.
Thankful that I finally spoke my mind.
And got out of jail.
I put the bars up when I decided to walk on those egg shells.
I imprisoned myself when I chose to stay quiet, rather than give voice to my feelings.
I locked the door when I tried to make him happy, by not saying what I thought.
So I have no one to blame ...... but myself.
But I learned something very valuable.
No man is worth that cost.
No true man would accept that price.
No real man would charge that much.
Or try to use a woman in that way.
And I will not settle for someone who's less than a man.
Never again.
I would rather be single until the day I die than to be with the facade of a man.
I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than live with a user.
I would rather live happily by myself, than be imprisoned by someone who doesn't know how to love.
I would rather love a dead man for the rest of my life, than love someone who doesn't deserve to be loved.
I paid a price for trusting someone too easily.
A very high price.
But I am thankful for the lesson.
And I am happy to be free.
And happy to be able to do what I want, when I want ...... and to answer to no one.
No one on earth anyway.
I look forward to the future.
And living life ...... with me.
Traveling, visiting, working, ....... enjoying ...... life and living.
With my children.
With my family.
With my friends.
With whomever.
And with me.
And even if it's only me ...... I'll be happy.
And relieved.
Very, very relieved.
And thankful.
:)
Happy Monday, Peeps.
Exactly how I feel. My heart has been plenty hurty the last while but is healing well. I am happy to be alone. I too would rather be alone until my own end of days than be with someone who is unable/unwilling to give freely of themselves. He gave until I was in love and wouldn't take another step. Life is good. I send my love across the miles between.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Suzann.
ReplyDeleteIt's always nice to know that I'm not alone in how I feel and what's happened. I hate that you, too, have experienced not only the death of your true love, but the aftermath of crappy men. But I'm glad that you've reached out to let me know that I'm not alone. We need to plan a trip together. We'd have a boatload of fun!
:)
Thought provoking . . . Moni B.
ReplyDeleteOMG Jannine......I could have written that exact same post about the guy I was with and how glad I no longer am. Unbelievable.....
ReplyDeleteMaureen
Thanks for commenting Maureen and telling me that. It makes me feel less ..... stupid, I guess. Most of me knows that there was no way to know that he was lying from the moment he met me, as did his family. But part of me still thinks I should've seen it, should've been less gullible.
ReplyDeleteLesson learned.
I hope.
The family, huh? Well...don't give up on the human race, but yeah... Alarms, bells, whistles, subtle inner voice, WHATEVER... They are guiding forces. In time, hopefully it won't be about "not trusting people" as much as it'll be about "wholeheartedly and unflinchingly trusting yourself".
ReplyDelete