Then .....

And now .....


She's now in Boston -- I just got off of the phone.
This was a difficult day. I think that's putting it mildly.
I did well on the way to the airport (note: she just noticed last night that it was the "far away" airport!). So I did well for a long drive. She did well, too.
Then I went in with her to help her check in her two 50 pound bags and help her get to security with her 150 lb carry on. No kidding, I know that smaller bag weighed a lot more than either of the two huge ones. I'm sure her back and arms will be aching from that!
Anyway, I did very well ---- right up to the point when we had to say good-bye at security. When I had to let her go. To really let her go. Not like back at the first of college, or like Rome, but to know that this is probably it .... the last time she'll be leaving "home".
And I needed Jim.
I cried all of the way home. Another day to say, "This sucks". Totally and 100%. I hate it and I hate being here and doing all of these "events" alone. Not totally alone ..... after all, Daughter #2 and Son #1 were with me today, but ....... you know....... or do you? No, most of you don't. And I'm glad that you don't.
The ride home was very, very quiet.


Here are the afore-mentioned children:


Here is the girl teddy bear that Daughter #2 made (another great job, if I do say so myself):


And here's the pathetic little patient with the huge blue cast, which she hates:


I'm packed and ready to go. I guess. I feel like I'm just racing from one thing to another lately. With a very cruddy, torn up house that will look just the same when I get back. I am less than thrilled with that. Way less. But there ya go.

One very positive thing happened today. God spoke to me.
Tonight we went out with friends for dinner. I noticed a woman sitting at a table nearby and I suddenly recognized her from the grief group. The younger woman who's husband died the month after Jim.
I decided to go up and introduce myself -- we'd never met. I've only been to the group twice.
I've been thinking a lot lately about all of the other younger women in our area who have lost their husbands in the last few years --- there are several. I want to get these women together for support. I don't know any of them, but I'd like to meet them. I think I need that kind of group, rather than the other.
So it was like God put her right in front of me. I did go over and talk to her. And she took my breath away. I asked her how her husband had died. It was the same thing that killed Jim. Exactly. And it happened so soon afterwards. I had "heard" of her. News gets around in our small community. I knew that there was a woman out there who this had happened to, I just didn't know who it was. Until tonight. When she told me all I could say was, "It's you." Kind of a stupid thing to say, but I couldn't believe it. And then I told her why I said that--- and took her breath away.
I pulled my chair over and we talked. For quite a while. And hurt for each other.
She also knew about me and knew about my blog, but didn't know who I was. And she also wants support with women "our age".
So I hope that I've made a new friend and that we can help each other. And other women. Because she, and they, know how terribly much this sucks.