Ask Me Wednesday!!

     Well, it's Wednesday again and in an attempt to resume my "new normal" life ...... whatever the heck it was ...... I'll be answering your questions.

     But first, I'll give you an update.

     I had an appointment with my surgeon this morning.  Last night my drain contained 50 cc's of fluid.  Not a good thing.  At. All.  

The goal is to have the drain(s) producing less than 30 cc a day.  I hit 70 yesterday, which was stunning, especially because I had not done anything remotely "active"  (OK, I DID walk to the mailbox, but that's mostly because DT is hounding me about taking walks!).  

     So when I arrived this morning with my "drainage chart", the PA told me that my dr. would not be removing the drain.  I think I muttered a four-letter word (but you'll never prove it) and gave her a sigh, even though  I wasn't surprised.

    But then, about 30 minutes later .... I was surprised when he walked into the room and said, "So I'm taking the drain out today?".  Yes, it was a statement in the sound of a question.  I said, "That would be great." ....... and so he did.

In fact, he had it removed before I realized what he was really doing.

Go. Figure.

And now I am changing the bandage every hour because it's like someone turned on a faucet in there.  Sheesh!!!  At least it's out. (I figure if I keep muttering that it'll make the faucet turn off sooner!)

He also took the bandage off of my incision, which looks remarkably like one you'd see on a "Frankenstein" movie.  Remarkably.

And if you don't think that can be true .... ask my mom, cuz she's the one who said it.

Yes. Indeed.

Thanks, Mom.   :)

And yes, I'm fine with that ..... cuz she was totally right.  She's now going to start calling me 'Zipper-Hip".

     He then surprised me again ..... when he told me that he got the pathology report back and that it is positive for what seems to be cancer cells/pre-cancer cells along the bone.

Excuse me?

     Surprised, yet again, when he said that he was not surprised by that finding.  Ummmmm, it would've been nice if he had shared that thought with me almost 2 weeks ago?  Or .... maybe not. Maybe I would've just been majorly stressed with "the wait" again.  

 I was pretty stunned because all I've heard is "clean" ....... well, other than that "soft spot" on the bone, which he saw, scraped, and sent in. 

     He surprised me one more time when he called the tumor a "liposarcoma", which means a lipoma with cancer.  I guess it makes sense if there's a positive "spot" and there was a lipoma.

     So, I now have this spot which will have to be watched from here until ........ not sure when.

I go back for a scan in 4 months and then we'll set the "scan schedule".  Sounds like an on-going thing for quite a while. 

So it seems that the kids and I will be undergoing scans regularly now.  Maybe we'll just always meet up once a year, have a scan, and then go out and party.

     Sounds good to me ..... and they'll have to agree to it so that I won't nag them and their spouses through the years (well, I won't nag them about that anyway).

So all in all ...... not a thumb's up day, but not a thumb's down day, either.  I'm relieved that I don't have to have any kind of treatments and that it seems to be something we just have to "watch".  Yes, I'd rather have had a clean bill of health, waved good-bye to the doctor and told him to have a nice life.....

but ..... it was not to be.

And so I move forward.

On with the questions!

Here's the first one, from Jennifer B:
My question is a little long, but here it is. Did you have to deal with any of your kids or their friends having scoliosis? One of the reasons I ask is because there is a dr. out of New York that specializes in using a soft brace (Spinecor Brace) and he has an office in Kingwood and Plano, TX. Just curious if you or any of your readers have any info. on this brace. My oldest daughter had a 36 degree curve and had to wear the hard Boston brace for a year and now my youngest daughter has just been diagnosed (25 degree) and is borderline on having to wear a brace! Any help from you or the blog world would be much appreciated!

Good question and I hope that there a plenty of readers out there who can offer you some advice, Jennifer.  I never dealt with this (although one of the daughters has sworn up and down that she has scoliosis but that I never listened to her and never took her to the doctor.  I think this will be a great chapter for HER book!

So ..... anyone out there who's dealt with scoliosis?  Anyone?  If so, please jump in here and help!!

Next question comes from "p":
Would like to know more about your surgery. How/when did you find the tumor? What were your symptoms? I looked back on your blog but couldn't find much about it. I'm in the medical field so I'm just interested in such things.

The kids and I went to San Diego for New Year's in Dec/Jan.  The second night there I was up all night, throwing up every hour.

So, on New Year's Eve day .... my sister-in-law to me an appointment (miracle of miracles!) with her doctor (by this time I was thinking it was a kidney stone, which I'd had last summer).

The doctor thought it was appendicitis and so ordered a CT scan.  It turned out to be a case or viral colitis, but in looking for that, the radiologist found this tumor.  Opposite side of the body, had nothing to do with any reason that I was there, but he saw it and was concerned about it.  So the doctor told me about it and showed it to me and suggested that I get in to see my doctor as soon as I returned home, which I did. 

No symptoms, no pain .... no nothing.  Just a "God-thing".  Because, as we found out during the surgery, it woud've turned into a very bad thing.

The next, very tough question is from lfintexas:

How did you handle situations when you KNEW, with every fiber of your being, that your child was lying to you, but you couldn't PROVE it (or otherwise explain to the child why you knew). How do you address the tearful questions "But why don't you believe me, I am your daughter/son? Why would I lie?" - or something along those lines? (This happened a short while back and involved a sensitive subject and another child/family). I still don't think I handled it right, and I know it will happen again!

This is one area where Jim and I sometimes diverged.  He, being male, didn't possess the "gut knowledge" that most moms have, and he didn't always go along with mine when it came to one of our children and a lie.

I usually always knew .... without a doubt, when a lie was being told.  He couldn't tell, and he would sooner give said child the benefit of the doubt, believing that "everything would equal out in the end".  I didn't always agree, but I did always go along with his decision, even though my teeth were gritting and my muscles were clenching, along with my fists.  

Sometimes you just have to give them enough rope ..... and they will, ultimately, hang themselves in the lie.  And then you can deal with it.  

But yes, I've been there ..... known it, said it, tried to explain it to the child, etc.  but nothing works well ...... except for letting it sometimes go and holding on to one end of the rope.  :(


Carrie asks:
What is your all-time favorite author/book to read?
What is your all-time favorite parenting book? Mine (so far) are Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp and Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Kevin Leman. :)

I'm not sure I have one favorite author ..... I used to enjoy Danielle Steel, but she just kept writing the same book over and over, just with different locations and time periods.

I love Grisham,  the "One for the Money" books, love most historical novels ..... especially about English royalty, love history books, biographies, and funny, easy-beach-read books (Shopaholic books are too funny).

I love anything by Kevin Leman and Dobson about kids and parenting, especially the "Strong Willed Child".  "Raising Boys" is also another good one.


AEW had more of a comment, and then a question:
G's teacher from last year is expecting her first baby this summer. I have an idea to put an accordion card together for her with "pearls of wisdom" for the new mom. My best pearl came from you. When H was born you told me that day 21 of nursing was the target to shoot for and that if you could just make it there the discomfort would go away like magic. It held true for all four of mine. And it helped so much when nursing seemed to be so painful and a lot of work to have that day to shoot for.

Do you have any other pearls I can use?

Wow .... I said that?!  Cool!

I know I've always said that you need to focus on the 3 month mark ...... by 3 months parenting looks SO much different than it does at 2 weeks.  Night and day.  

As for any others ...... the biggest pearl I could give you is probably the one you hear the most: don't sweat the small stuff.  And really, it's almost always small stuff.  Say "yes" more than you say "no".  And try to think into the future ..... as in ...... "in 20 years will it matter that I let her go to school without wearing a coat?".

That's all of the pearls I've got for now ....... I'm starting to have my post-surgery evening crash.

I shall have to ponder these pearls and see if I can store some up!  :)

RJ asks:
If you had a theatre career, which parts do you think you would have been particularly suited to?

Wow .... now that is a blast from the past.

Hmmmmm, well, I would've preferred comedy over drama, though I can definitely make a grown man cry with my dramatics.  

I always preferred wicked parts over goody-two-shoes .... much more fun to act out.  Although I will confess that I did a wicked-good job playing Laura in "The Glass Menagerie".  Tears were shed ..... and no, not out of pain.

I would loved to have done musical theatre but I never had the talent for that.  I can carry along OK in a chorus, but never on a solo.  Alas.

I probably would have ended up being everyone's "best friend".  Not beautiful enough to be a lead, but OK enough to be her friend.  And I have great comedic timing ..... which is a must for a "best friend".  So maybe .... just maybe ..... I would've had a steady income doing that.  Who knows?  

It's hard to believe that at one point (a very long point) in my life I wanted that so badly I thought I'd die without it.

Interesting to find out what you can live without, isn't it?

JB asks:
Did you and Jim pray together? If so, what was that like?

We did pray together, though not nearly as often as we should have.  That is a regret.  I'm not sure why we didn't do it more ..... we certainly would have, as we were praying more during the last years of our life together.  Time, kids, tiredness, life ..... tons of excuses.

But when we did ...... T.A.N.W.

It's one of the most intimate things a husband and wife can do together.  And thus, one of the most wonderful.  It definitely grew us closer together and I highly recommend it.  And miss it.

So. Very. Much.



AM-Mommy asks:
what did Jim die of? I have gone back and read your entries from those months and can't figure it out. Maybe I am blind, but I can't find it. I am thinking it is something possibly genetic becuase the kids all had scans following his death.
Secondly, you mention during your surgery that they would send a samply off to test for cancer before they closed. Did they find anything? You call the tumor "aggressive", but that may just refer to its growth rate.

Jim died of an "aortic dissection".  He had a tear in his aorta.  I still don't know why ... or what caused it.  It's usually seen as something genetic when a solid cause can't be found, and so the kids had to be tested ..... and will continue to have to be tested for the rest of their lives, to see if there's ever a weakening in their aortas.  

We don't know that it's genetic ..... haven't found anything that leads us to that assumption, but more importantly ..... we haven't found anything that says it's not, so they will be tested.

As for the second part of your question .... I think you got the answer to that up above.  Yes, they found "something" and so I will join the kids in being tested in the years to come.  And yes, it was an "agressive" tumor because of how fast it grew and how quickly it was heading into my hip.

Julie asks:
I want to know about the relationships between your kids....are they best friends?....do they like each other?......do they communicate with one another away from you? i.e. text, email, fb, phone? If all of the answers are yes then how did you do it? if no do you see there is anything you could have done to foster those relationships or shouldn't have done?

I would say that Daughters #2 & #3 are definitely best friends.  They are close to each other and they are close to the other 4.  The sons seem to go in and out of "like" with each other, but they are liking each other more now as they're getting older.

They all played together pretty well when they were quite small, and then less so as they grew and acquired other friends.  

Ds 2 & 3 keep in communication with the others better than the rest.  D1 doesn't do a good job with this ..... she's more like her mother that way.

The girls keep up with FB, e-mail, text, etc. with each other and the boys, when they can.  D1 won't "friend" anyone on FB, except for the other 2 girls.  Not even me.

She has issues.

As for fostering closeness in them ..... I'm not sure what I could've done, really.  I couldn't stand my sister and brother when we were young and now I feel very close to them, even though we don't see each other often at all.  I hope that my kids will do this, too.  I think they will.

I think if you "try too hard" to make them close when they're young, it's likely to back fire.

You can encourage them to play together, but you should also encourage friendships with others, too.

That's my opinion anyway.

Nat asks:
Hey! I heard the great news about the tube coming out-Yippee!
Did it hurt when they took it out?
Who is your favorite musical group/artist?

Yes, tube #2 came out today and no, I felt no pain either time.  Huge, huge, HUGE relief.  I was a bit scared about that.

Favorite musical group/artist?

Whew ..... not just one.

I've always loved Streisand's voice (though not her politics), Broadway musicals and numbers, Manilow, Queen, John Denver, Elton John, Beatles (old, not new), classical, Garth Brooks, Harry Belafonte ...... see .... all kinds of stuff.  My taste borders on the eclectic.  Not as much as Jim's did ...... that man love EVERYTHING, but still enjoy all kinds.

Susan came in a bit late but I'm adding it, as I've always promised!
probably too late to post a question for today...just discovered the 3rd level of hell I think...it's called "4th grade recorders"...today was "oh when the saints come marching in" over and over and over...i deserve sainthood, i think. so i know you experienced lots of music lessons...any suggestions? i don't get any help from my husband...first, he's the one who made the noise, second, he keeps saying "practice practice practice."

Susan,

I have two wonderful words for you ....... EAR PLUGS!!!

PUH----LEASE, I have been through many, many hells of recorders!!  

Go to your room (or out in a tree) and put in ear plugs.  Or put in ear phones to listen to something else!!!  Go girl ...... for the love of all that is holy and for the grip on your sanity!!!

Or ..... maybe practice time is something that Dad gets blessed by, while you go grocery shopping or out for margaritas, or whatever ........ just GO!!!!!!!

OK, my peeps ...... that's all for tonight. 

It's now 8:45 p.m. and they're getting ready to kick off the next NOT-America's Next Top Model!!

And my energy level is waning ..... very, very quickly.

It must be flowing out of my hip!!!!!

Hasta manana!