Ask Me Wednesday!!

Well it's Wednesday, Peeps.

We've made it through half of the week.

And THAT, my friends, is indeed ..... something.

I relaxed at home this morning and then took Son #3 to see the new Transformers movie.

It was SUCH a guy movie. 

There were so many explosions, guns, chases, aliens, etc., etc., etc, that I think even I experienced a rise in testosterone.

I think I'm getting used to "guy movies".

Sigh.

I met with my Circle tonight.  

No masks are ever needed there .... for any of us.

T.A.N.W.

The new medication seems to be doing its job .... thankfully.  I had far fewer heart palps today, which is great. 

I think regular heartbeats are severely taken for granted.

On to the Wednesday questions .....

Anon asks:
AMW- What is the best surprise you have ever received? Hoping to bring a smile to your face thinking about it.

Well, let's see ...... aside from the ultrasound that showed me Daughter #2 AND Daughter #3, and my 40th surprise birthday party that Jim managed to pull off ...... and the party this weekend that Son #3 managed to pull off ..... I would have to say that it's an anniversary ring that Jim gave me for Christmas 2005.

I had shown him a picture of the ring and told him that it would make a lovely gift for our 25th anniversary in May of 2008.  And then I let it go.

And when we celebrated Christmas (after we returned from Italy at the end of December) he had snuck a small box inside of my stocking.  We had agreed to not get each other anything for Christmas, because of the trip, and we only got the kids a few small items.

But when I opened that box ...... it was a huge surprise.  I screamed and ran across the room and jumped into his arms.

I asked him why he had given it to me at that time, rather than waiting for our anniversary and he replied that it was because we had actually been together for 25 years now.

This, my dear anon, was a God-thing, because Jim was not here for our actual 25th anniversary.

So I would have to say that morning was the best surprise that I ever got ..... especially because it was so different for him.

Thank you for the smile.


Carrie asks:
Hmmm...for Ask Me Wednesday...do you have any tips on taking your toddler in public places? My son does pretty well about having temper tantrums in public, but he's just SO active. I bring toys & snacks, and sometimes keep him strapped in his little umbrella stroller, but he's not always happy about that. :)

Hi Carrie ....

Yes, I think I read about your latest adventure out in public on your blog .... and had to smile.

:)

My first piece of advice would be to never, ever take them out in public ..... but that's not very realistic, is it?  Sorry.

It sounds like you're doing all of the right things, providing snacks and toys.  I would also encourage you to use some kind of "tether" so that he can get out of the stroller once in a while.

Yes, they do look horrible, but they work very well.  We had some that had velcro straps that went on our wrist, and then the other end went on the child's wrist.  The connecting cord looked like a curly telephone cord.  It was a great purchase.  It didn't look so much like a dog collar, but it definitely helped us rein the kids in when they were small.  

They need to get out of the stroller on a regular basis .... just to get rid of some of their energy.

Another idea is to put him in the back yard about 30 minutes before you have to leave and let him run around like a crazed animal ...... burn up all of the energy before you have to strap him in.  Of course that takes a bit of pre-planning but it does work.  Sometimes.

Other than that ..... God's blessings to you.  You need them ..... you have a boy.

:)

Ann asks:
Do you "read" audio books? I'm getting into that and finding I enjoy it because reading forces me to just sit and I like working with my hands sewing and stuff. So I just wander around "reading" with my ipod.

What's you favorite comfort food? Me- homemade mac-n-cheese or baked cabbage

Betty or Veronica
Archie or Jughead
Ginger or Mary Ann
Gilligan or The Professor

Does W still play the flute?

Am I making this up or can you swim upside down with your leg sticking out of the water like synchronized swimmers?

You and Jim have always been supportive parents, have any of the kids dreams been too big? We have some monster big dreams here...

My dear sister Ann,

You crack me up.

OK .... deep breath and here we go ......

I have never listened to an audio book.  I love reading books so much that I don't like the idea of listening to one, though I can see where it would be good if you have a lot of "busy work".  I may have to think about it now.

My favorite comfort food?  You and I share this ..... hands down ..... homemade mac and cheese. I wish I could get someone to bring me that 3 times a week.

Betty.

Archie.

Mary Ann (PUH-LEAZE!!)

The Professor (I've always had a weakness for intelligent men).

And no, you are not making up the fact that I was a synchronized swimmer.  All through high school.  I loved it.  I still love it and practice it in our pool from time to time.

It doesn't seem to impress my children .... who've seen it many, many times over the past 24 years or so.  sigh.

Thank you for saying the Jim and I were supportive parents.  I think we tried.  It was more of a stretch for him ..... since I majored in Theatre.  No dream is too big for me.

That doesn't mean it's always easy .... I want the kids to have an easy path, but then again .... their path changed very suddenly a year and a half ago, didn't it?

I just want them to be happy in whatever they do.  And to experience love and joy.  Money cannot buy that, but it sure can help.

Daughter #1, as well as Daughter #2, will most likely be pursuing dreams, rather than money.

And I pray that God blesses them tremendously in their pursuits.

And I hope that I will always be able to offer them as much emotional support as they need.

W hasn't touched the flute in at least a couple of years.  I pray that she will one day pick it up again .... when she has time.  She is very gifted at it.  And I get a lot of joy listening to her play.

Moni asks:
Question for Ask Me Wednesday . . . when your kids went off to college . . . did you help them find a doctor in the city they were attending college or did you just use the on campus medical?

Hi Moni ...... We have done both.  I mostly encourage then to use the campus clinic, but have also sent them to doctors in whatever city they live, with the advise of friends who have lived there.

Jessica asks:
Like many of us in this unasked-for lifestyle, I sometimes just put off eating (or preparing) something until it gets very late - so there are times when I just under-eat. Do you do this, too -- or if not, what do you do, to force yourself to consume something? I know that it is important to have a well-balanced diet, and even more that you do that when you are under stress. Do you take vitamins and/or supplements?

Hello Jessica,

I'd love to lie like a dog on this question, but I cannot.

I do not eat well.

I do not usually enjoy eating, unless I am with friends.  If I am at home, especially alone, it usually does not occur to me to eat.  Yes, I know this is strange and that many people don't "get it", but I think it comes with grief. When I do manage to eat, I can usually only eat a small amount or I start feeling nauseous.

Yes, there are times when I have to force myself to eat .... for my children, for my family, especially when they've made a point of requesting it.

I don't really eat a well-balanced diet, though I'm working on it and no, I don't take supplements.  I find it hard enough to remember to take my regular meds.

Anon asks:
What kind of symptons were you having that led you to the cardiologist? Will you need to remain on the medicine or will it correct the problem with time?

Hi Anon:

The first symptom that caught my attention was high blood pressure.  I've always had extremely low pressure.  In fact, when I was in the hospital after my surgery it was so low one night that they sent out some stupid "code" and had everyone in a tizzy that I was going to kick the bucket at any moment.  I felt fine, and tried to tell them that I was fine, but evidently 60 over 40 is not considered a "good low".

Once the blood pressure rose, the heart palpitations started, as did the swelling of my left foot (which is the side that the tumor was in .... in my hip), plus I had shortness of breath when climbing a flight of stairs.  This was immediately after my trip to Russia ...... whereas the week before I left I was playing tennis 3 times a week.  Something was definitely off ..... even to me, who does not listen to my body.

As for staying on the meds .... I don't know.  I'm supposed to go back to see the cardiologist in 3 to 4 weeks.  As of now I am feeling relief .... physically and emotionally.

Thanks for asking.

Susan asks:
i know it's AMW, but I'm not even sure exactly how to ask the question, so you may feel free to just hit delete...it goes to the "mask" topic...
How do you know you need to wear a mask with someone (how do they act, etc, that tells you to slip on that mask?), and once you've become a mask wearer for them, is there anything they can do or say in the future so that you will know it's finally safe to take it off? (I know you can only answer for you, but this may help in other situations where I may have caused someone to don that protection and i really want them to be free to be whoever and whatever they are at the moment.)

Hello my dear friend.

I saved your question for last because it is a very difficult one.

Before I answer this I want to tell you that I have never ..... ever, felt the need to wear a mask in front of you.  Ever.

Thank you for that.

It's hard to put this answer into words.  But I will do my best.

To me, a person who needs the mask, does not listen to me.  They do not "hear" me when I try to tell them how I'm feeling.  They dismiss my words with concerns of their own.  They sometimes seem as if they are trying to "top" my stress, or my life.

And sometimes, in not "hearing" me .... they offer unwanted, un-asked for, un-needed and hurtful advice.  

You can tell the difference between someone who loves you so much that they truly want to hear and try to understand what you are feeling ..... and someone who wants to dismiss what you are feeling very quickly so that they can feel better.

Again, I can't blame anyone for that.  Everyone wants to feel good.  Everyone wants to have a good day.  

But it takes very special people to put those desires aside and truly want to know what another human being is experiencing ..... to truly want to empathize with them.

I think I've always had a small portion of empathy for people, but nothing compared to what I have now.

I guess it comes with the territory.

So when you find yourself face to face with someone who needs you to listen ...... look into their eyes, stay as quiet as you can, and feel free to feel (and show) the emotions that come with their story.

And never, ever tell them that they "should not be feeling what they are feeling".

Just offer to pray.

And then do it.

As far as one day being able to remove a mask that I've learned to put in place ..... I think that if the person came to me and really recognized what they had done ..... and truly apologized for not "hearing" me .... I'd be happy to slip off the mask ..... and see what happens.

Thank you, Peeps, for some very good questions.

Today was a decent day.

I am thankful for decent days ..... and with the increasing frequency of them.

Again, I am not stupid.  I know that there will always be days of grieving.  But those days make me appreciate the "good days", the "decent days", all the more.

My grief is not over.

I doubt that it will ever be over.

But I'm getting accustomed to it.

One day at a time.

One breath at a time.

And, I think ...... that's how it should be.