A Ray of Sunshine in a Dark Day ....

It is 11:54 p.m.  

Meaning that this day, this day that should have been a huge celebration on a couple of different levels, is almost over.

I am grateful.  I celebrated nothing today, other than quiet time with Family.

The kids and I did not go to church.  We could not.

I followed the advice of my brother/pastor and avoided the service that would bring up too many emotions that I do not have the strength to handle at this time.

Instead, I took the kids out to brunch.  And we had a nice time.

And then Daughters #2 & #3 and Son #1 and #2 packed up and headed back to camp.  Son #2 will be there for the week.  

A & M came over today and we hung out by the pool and enjoyed a peaceful day.  

Well, peaceful except for the two times that we dragged Gabby into the pool.  She has always steered clear of our pool and I wanted her to give it a try.

She, however, did not. 

But three adults proved to be stronger than my 140 pound horse/dog.  

She was not a happy camper but she seemed to be calmer the second time.  I wanted her to cool off in our almost-100 degree heat.

In other fantastic news ..... Miley is gone for the summer.  She was one item, of many, that led to the breakdown this week.  A friend from church has taken her for the summer.  This woman is my angel.

I'm hoping that she falls so in love with Miley that she wants to keep her.

Now if I can just get rid of a cat.

One thing at a time.

Son #3 and I are staying at A & M's house again tonight.  I cannot tell you what a relief it is to stay in a house with a family.  With people to talk to.  With people who love me unconditionally and care very much for me.  With people who understand that I am in a valley and cannot make any decisions.

And their love brought me a ray of sunshine.

I need all of the rays I can get.

I plan to take it very easy this week and to not push myself in any direction.  This will prove very hard for me.  

I always push myself.  I always think I should be doing better than I am.

I never want people to worry about me, or think I cannot cope.

I am now at the point where it's obvious that I cannot cope.  

I was supposed to go out tonight with some friends for my birthday and I finally admitted that I just couldn't do it.  I needed to sit and rest and do nothing, except maybe watch a movie and be distracted.

I am not strong.

But God is.

And He will lift me out of this valley in His time.

And my brokenness has given Him the opportunity to show me that He is in control, not me.

That I can just sit in the valley and wait on Him.

My friends and family who love me will understand.  

And I love them for that.

I have no doubt that I will climb out.

But I will not take charge and force myself out this time.

I will wait on Him.

And see where He leads.

He has not failed me yet.

His timing has not been my timing, but He's never failed.

So for all of you in one valley or another ..... don't force yourself to climb out.

Wait on the Papa who loves you more than anyone ever has, or ever can.

He WILL lead you out.

In HIS time.

And once He leads us out ..... we will have so much joy and peace.

Yes, we'll still have rough days, but if we continue to turn them over to Him and wait on His timing ..... we will be blessed.

I'm holding firmly and faithfully to that promise.

And who knows what may be waiting for us outside of these valleys?

In His time.