..... today was mostly a good day.
In fact, I laughed and smiled more than I cried.
And THAT is something.
I am more relieved than I can say that the doctor saw that something needed to be done and this isn't just "something I have to live with", which was what I was afraid he was going to say.
I feel halfway normal .... whatever the hell that is anymore.
My "normal" seems to change on a weekly basis.
I think that one day it will stabilize. I look forward to that day.
Until that day I realize that I will have to keep wearing masks in front of some people. There is no way around it.
It makes me sad. But it's necessary.
There are many people who just can't deal with my honest feelings and emotions. For whatever reason. I can't blame them. But I can't be safe with them, either.
And so I will firmly snap a mask in place and rely on my acting ability, which, may I modestly say, is very, very good.
And while I may wish that I didn't ever have to wear a mask again, it does make me grateful for the times that I don't.
And that, too, is something.
I spent the day with M and her son T and Son #3. We went to a movie, went shopping and went to dinner.
It felt "normal".
I felt "normal" .... at least for a while.
I also heard God whisper to me, more than once:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11).
I'm holding on to that.
Very, very tightly.
See you tomorrow ..... on "Ask Me Wednesday".
Thanks, Peeps ..... for always being safe.
6 comments:
Question for Ask Me Wednesday . . . when your kids went off to college . . . did you help them find a doctor in the city they were attending college or did you just use the on campus medical?
Moni
Hi Janine,
No need to wear a mask for me. Be who you are and feel what you feel, even though I wish you could only feel peace and happiness. I am not strong enough for a mask yet, I am what I am and feel what I feel. I wish there were times when I could put one on, but I still feel like I'm cheating John, even when I have an ok day. Guess I need acting classes. I've been trying to come up with my first "ask me Wednesday" question, and I haven't come up with anything good yet. I know I have many, but right now my mind hardly functions, and when it does, it makes a lot of mistakes. I too feel like I'm going crazy most times. Maybe I'll just try and sleep on this question thing and have a good one by morning. Hugs to you, Lorry
Yes, dear Janine, He does have plans for you to prosper you, He loves you with that everlasting love that never fails. I am so glad He has whispered in your ear today. He is so good and so faithful and He never leaves us alone to go thru life by ourselves, He is our constant companion and He is closer than a brother. May He continue to whisper in your ear and bring consolation to your soul. Prayers and hugs...Mary Lou
i know it's AMW, but I'm not even sure exactly how to ask the question, so you may feel free to just hit delete...it goes to the "mask" topic...
How do you know you need to wear a mask with someone (how do they act, etc, that tells you to slip on that mask?), and once you've become a mask wearer for them, is there anything they can do or say in the future so that you will know it's finally safe to take it off? (I know you can only answer for you, but this may help in other situations where I may have caused someone to don that protection and i really want them to be free to be whoever and whatever they are at the moment.)
What kind of symptons were you having that led you to the cardiologist? Will you need to remain on the medicine or will it correct the problem with time?
So glad you found out what was wrong and that there is something(meds) that can be done for it!
God is good!!
Like many of us in this unasked-for lifestyle, I sometimes just put off eating (or preparing) something until it gets very late - so there are times when I just under-eat. Do you do this, too -- or if not, what do you do, to force yourself to consume something? I know that it is important to have a well-balanced diet, and even more that you do that when you are under stress. Do you take vitamins and/or supplements? {{HUGS}} I am pleased that you had a bit-better day.
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