Last night I wrote a post that I ended up deleting after I published it. So for those of you who read it, and commented, you're not going crazy ..... it's me.
When I woke up at 4:30 in the morning, and couldn't go back to sleep, I re-read what I'd posted and didn't feel comfortable with it so I deleted it. So this is the edited version:
I wrote about my new extended family and how much help they've been for me .... more than I can say .... physically as well as emotionally.
We call each other brother and sister, their kids call me aunt. They have taken me into their home on days when I didn't want or need to be alone.
They help with the boys and with things in my house and with our fleet of cars.
They do no take the place of my blood family ..... they extend that love further.
And yet with all they do for me .... all they mean to me .... and how very, very Biblical it is, there are many people out there who don't get. I think some get it, but not completely. It is not in the American culture to offer this kind of help. In fact, I don't think I know any other widows who have this.
I am blessed.
Even if others may think it's weird, strange, unhealthy, or just wrong.
How can something that feels so Godly and so healing be wrong?
How can something that God calls us to do be strange?
Because that's exactly what this relationship is .... a God-thing. He called them to it .... he called me to accept it. I still struggle with my end sometimes, because I tend to listen to the negative voices too much lately, but I know who those are coming from, too ..... certainly not God.
And my family has helped me through an extremely difficult week. One of the worst ever. Of course not THE worst week ever, but it's up on the top 5 or 10.
So, thank you God.
And thank you to my Big Brother and my Big Sister.
T.A.N.W. other than that.
Here are the comments I received over night:
I feel too inadequate to give any sort of advice. But please know that my prayer and wish for you is truly heartfelt.
I'm sorry it's so hard right now. There is no "wrong" way to get through this and anyone who thinks differently is naive.
So you have more support and feel loved and this family makes you happy? Fantastic!!! I can only hope that they make this difficult time easier to navigate.
Hang in there.
Maddy
God Bless that family. I don't even know them (or you, really..) but I'd like to give you all great big hugs. It is so important for everyone, but I think especially christians, to really wrap your arms around people who are struggling, to love them as Jesus would. That doesn't really happen enough, in my opinion. I think it is so amazing and wonderful that you have been "adopted" by this family. Oh, and if you're ever near Washington state, swing by Walla Walla and say Hi.
Anon
Janine:
I am glad that you have been loved and cared for this past week and pray that you will be continually strengthened.
"Religion (as it is expressed in outward acts) that is pure and unblemished in the sight of God the Father is this: to visit and help and care for the orphans and widows in their affliction and need." [The first part of James 1:27] (Amplified version)
You are blessed beyond words by the true acts of love by this family who has adopted you and your children as their own. Those who think this is strange or weird or whatever, DO NOT GET IT! This topic hits a very sensitive nerve with me as I have been a widow, with four children, for almost six years and have not seen this kind of action taken by "the church".
So, Janine, you grab hold of this family and you don't let anyone speak negatively about this relationship because it IS GREAT! and it will get you through the tough times and bring you good times.
With much love,
Beth in NC
I see absolutely nothing wrong with that family adopting you and yours. Seems pretty scriptural to me. I see it as the body of Christ carrying out His love and commands. A wise woman told me one time...Mary Lou, you can't think two thoughts at the same time, so when a negative thought comes, replace it with a positive one, or scripture,which is a really good idea. So, when someone says this is weird..remember that alot of us say it is a good and beautiful thing. God is providing for you in so many ways. You have come a long way. He has been with you each step and it is evident to me that you are "better". I pray that I always give you encouraging words, when I have no words at all, I simply don't comment, but I do check on you every day. Keep looking up. Psalm 3:3 Prayers and hugs, Mary Lou
7 comments:
I am very greatful A and his family have taken you in and loved you. I glad that they could since I couldn't be there for you...oh how I wish I could. And agian...who cares if everybody gets it or whatever...all that matters is you...that you get it and that they want to be apart of your life...thats it...I love you more than words sis. Cant wait til October!!
Dear Janine:
I am glad to know that I am not crazy and you did delete your post of last night. I was going to show it to my oldest daughter because she has struggled SOOO much with the lack of continued caring from the church community. It was there at the beginning, but you know the story. I wanted her to know that there are Christians who do show the love of Jesus and extend themselves beyond what is normal in our culture. I have been blessed by parents who moved from their beautiful home of 27 years in the mountains of NC to live by us and they have been wonderful. But their health is declining, so I don't like to weigh them down with my needs. Noone can replace my husband, but it would have been nice for someone to make an effort to at least be mentors in my childrens' lives. I am sorry if this sounds negative, but it is what it is.
Continued blessings to you.
Beth in NC
I know that I usually just state the obvious when I come here but you sure do have a lot of naysayers in your life audience. Grieving and blogging and bonding with a family ... what's the issue? If you were hangin' on the streets of San Antonio with a needle sticking out of your arm, I'd suggest a little life review.
I did see the post and was relieved to hear that I wasn't crazy. I called my shrink right away to tell him the good news but ... well, you know. Turns out, I'm still nuts!
xoxo
W
I got to read both of your posts in my Google Reader, and I can't see that anything you wrote was wrong. I'm sorry that people misunderstand when others are trying to help you, and I hope that your friends can be an example to them of how we all should be ministering to others.
Sometimes it's just time to say "enough". Enough of the naysayers. Let them find someone else to pick on.
Good evening my darling daughter.
I can only add. . .how can it be wrong for someone to show love and compassion to someone in need? I guess I just "don't get it"! That someone finds that wierd is pretty sick. I feel for their ability to show true love to anyone. You are blessed to have this family in your life. I'm greatful they are there for you.
I love you greatly.
Hi Janine,
I am so sorry that you continue to have bad days and even weeks. It scares me to know where you are at in your grief because I'm afraid I will be there also. You are ahead of me in this, yet it seems we share a lot of the same views and emotions still. I can't say this enough, and it seems that it is what I am always saying.... WHATEVER works. Those naysayers who are continuing to be a set back to you, DON'T get it!! And, lucky for them that they don't!!! I so wish I didn't get it. NO ONE wants to get this. NO ONE wants to be in our shoes, and unless they have lost what we have, they will never come close to getting it. I am grateful that you have a family that can help you make these days a little easier to get through. I don't know how anyone gets through this without some kind of support from somewhere. I have a family a few doors down from me that have taken me under their wing at times. They have been there for me and continue to be there after seven months when most everyone else is gone. There were nights when I couldn't handle being alone and they would walk down the sidewalk in their P.J.'s with their kid's in arms, just to help me. I am grateful for all who stand by those of us who have to take this journey we choose not to, and yet are not able to make that choice. My door is always open to you Janine, as well as my heart. I send you hugs, Lorry
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