J, L & S flew in from San Diego and were on the same plane coming here as Sons #2 & #3 and I. It was a uneventful flight, thankfully.
Then we drove to the farm.
And the memories have been flooding in ever since. But I haven't cried ... yet. I teared up a bit this morning but used a lot of might to keep from overflowing.
Last night I found a box of old pictures of Jim's family while he was growing up. It was neat to go back in time .... to a time where I didn't know him, and see what a cute little boy he was ... and how much his sons look like him. They didn't make me sad, but were a sweet reminder of him.
Coming back to the present time made me sad. I shouldn't be here without him. It's just not the way this was supposed to be. At least, not in my plan anyway. And sometimes .... many times if I am honest .... I think MY plan was a lot better than God's plan. This plan still sucks. Totally.
Not that there hasn't been good in my "after", but nothing as good as it was in my "before".
I wonder if there will ever be a day when I can say that my "after" is just as good. I hope so. I hope that there will be joy in me again. There are definitely times when I'm happy .... for a while. There are times when I accept all of this and can feel content .... but not for very long. I hope that changes, too.
But for now .... here in this place and in my "after" .... I miss him way too much to be truly happy and/or content.
OK, now that I've manage to make myself cry (so much for might) I will close ..... for now.
Thanks for being there, Peeps ..... and happy Wednesday.
:)
P.S. Another question --- what is your favorite way to prepare the turkey? Baked, smoked, deep-fried, etc.?
And yes, Stella .... a win in the Bedlam game would make this a sweeter weekend.
Now, discuss .....
7 comments:
My favorite turkey is the baked. I've never had a Butterball fail me yet. Simply stick it in there and baste it a little and watch it. Glad everyone got there safely. May you create some sweet memories. Blessings....
Janine:
My favorite way to prepare a turkey is someone else preparing it! =) Doesn't matter how it's cooked, as long as I'm not doing it! Not a big fan of cooking! :(
Will be going out to a restaurant this year which is o.k. to me.
Have a blessed day!
Love and prayers,
Beth
Jenine,
I have been meaning to write on your blog for a while, I just wanted to let you know what has been going through my mind.
Ever since your Mother told me about your blog I have been reading it when I get a chance. I love the 'ask me Wednesday' postings. I have all the admiration for you. While you did not chose to live your (as you describe it,'after' life) I'm know this blog has helped you, not that I have to tell you that. What I really enjoy is your writing. There are times when I laugh and feel sad. I think you should write a book! You are very expressive with your thoughts.
While I can not ever imagine ever going through what you have. What I am thankful for is that you have a great family to support you in every aspect of your life.
I could go on and repeat everything you have already heard time and time again, so I will refrain from that. Just know that I think and pray for you often.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your entire family, those in IN, OK and TX., and of course your brother, M. where ever he is.
Richard - in OK
Baked.
Hi Janine, I just wanted to let you know i'm thinking about you and I love you. Ruth
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope your day is a great one!
we get the brine and soak the turkey for 24 hours in the brine (from williams sonoma- they have the best one). Then bake it, I swear the brine makes all the difference!
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