Oh,No He Didn't ......

..... show up at my house with nary a tool on his belt. Not even a ..... are you ready? ...... not even a stinkin' flashlight. What kind of "chimney guy" shows up for work without a flashlight? Or gloves?!!
T.A.N.W.

Unfortunately, or fortunately -- depending on how well you know me, I was not at home for this event. Daughter #3 was at the helm and she is the one who witnessed this, while texting me every couple of seconds. I was in a meeting at work.

Here's the story:
Mr. Chimney Man shows up on my front porch without anything in his hand (or on his belt). He said that he heard we had a problem with a chimney.
Daughter #3 instantly became suspiscious of this man's ability to address the situation. She led him to the chimney that housed the animal from hell (who had gotten a second wind over night and was trying like crazy to either climb up the chimney or break through the flue). She told the man that we had an animal stuck. Mr. Chimney Man received this information with quite a bit of surprise. I'm guessing there's not a whole lot of communicating at his place of business.
He climbed up on the roof to peer down the chimney, but couldn't see anything. He looked again, but to no avail. He came down and told Daughter #3 that it was probably a bunch of debris blowing around in there making noise.
I kid you not.
Daughter #3 didn't fall for that, either.
So Mr. Chimney Man decided to take a broom (ours), open the flue and stick his head up there to see if he could see anything.
I so wish I could've been there.
So.
Anyway, he peered around for a while, commenting on the lack of animals up there when suddenly he said something else in surprise. Daughter #3 asked him if he saw it and he replied, "He's staring right at me". And he told her it was a squirrel. A large squirrel. Which would not come out. He poked around up there with the broom and then decided to make a phone call. He went outside to talk to someone and seemed to be on the verge of giving up. Daughter #3 called me and I stepped out of my meeting to hiss on the phone that I was not paying him one penny if he didn't get that squirrel out of the chimney, which was the only reason I had hired them!
Mr. Chimney Man then came back in the house and declared that he was going to "smoke him out", which made Daughter #3 raise her eyebrows and send me a text.
He then told D3 that they needed to "clear a path" to the back door so that the ever-so-brilliant squirrel would follow said path and skip off happily to our back yard.
What.Ev.Er.
And so they did.
And Mr. Chimney Man lit some newspapers and proceeded to stick them up the flue to "smoke him out".
D3 sat behind him watching and waiting, but not with a video camera in her hand. Dang.
Suddenly, Mr. Chimney Man pulled his head out of the flue and asked D3 if she had seen anything, to which she replied, "No".
Then he said ......"Now don't freak".
I'm sorry, but that's exactly when I would start to freak.
He then told her that he thought the squirrel was now in the house. It had jumped on his head .... yes indeed, onto the man's head, and then jumped out of the fireplace. I'm not sure how D3 missed all of this, but she did.
Because they both looked around and there he was .... in the kitchen, mocking them.
The chase began.
Well, the chase began for the squirrel and Mr. Chimney Man, Daughter #3 stood on a chair.
He chased him into the game room. Then back into the kitchen. Then through the living room (and thank God NOT into my bedroom) and then into the dining room. Finally the squirrel ducked into the study. Mr. Chimney Man followed him and shut the doors. He looked all over the room for a while, as Daughter #3 stood guard and texted me every second. He asked for a towel.
After several minutes he stuck his head out of the door to ask D3 if she had seen the squirrel come out (through closed doors, mind you). She replied that she had seen nothing of the kind and that the doors had remaind closed. He seemd perplexed.
At this point I was out of my meeting and relaying information to everyone around me at work. My brother decided to take his son and head over to my house to help out. We all decided it would be best for me to remain at work (yes, they know me very well).
They arrived at my house a few minutes later and headed into the study. D3 stayed outside, a bit bummed that she was missing out on all of the action.
Mr. Chimney Man was very grateful that reinforcements had come.
He found the squirrel, which had wedged itself behind a book case and was trying to grab it by the tail to drag it out (still without gloves!). Tufts of squirrel hair were all over the study.
Suddenly, he grabbed more than a tuft and started to drag the squirrel out. My brother had gotten a blanket from D3 and he proceeded to wrap the rest of the squirrel's body inside the blanket (he knew better than to use bare hands). Then they rushed the squirrel out of the study, out of the front door, into our yard where they tossed the blanket into the air to free said squirrel, who scampered happily off to the nearest tree.
D3 said that it didn't look like this large squirrel was in the least bit starved. Guess he could've survived a few more days.
Mr. Chimney Man went back up to the roof and tightened the loose grate on top of our chimney and then charged me 3 times the amount I was told it would cost.
At that point I was just glad to have this done with and relieved that I hadn't been there to stroke out or anything.
D3 paid him and everyone left and the squirrel lived happily ever after.

The End.
For now.