..... even though it did take two years for me to believe it.
I will.
.... even though it took two years for me to want to.
I will.
.... even though I still have days (sometimes weeks) when I'm knocked down by an unexpected wave.
I will.
.... even though I still have days (sometimes weeks) when I'm angry at Jim for leaving (yes, it's irrational, of course he wouldn't have chosen this, but who says grief is rational?) or at God for leaving me here without him.
I will.
.... even though I still have times when I can't stop thinking, "I cannot believe that this is my life".
I will.
.... even though I still have many, many times when I think, "This sucks."
I will.
.... even though I'm not the same person I was "before" and I miss her.
I will.
.... even though I'm not the same mother I was "before" and I sorely miss her.
I will.
.... even though my heart is forever scarred.
I will.
.... even though I sometimes still physically ache from his absence.
I will.
.... even though I still can't quite picture my future without him.
I will.
.... even though this is the most difficult thing I have done in my entire life.
I will.
... even though ....
I. Will.
5 comments:
I hoped you could. And I am so very happy you will. I love you Janine! With all my heart.
You will and you have!!! And that's saying something...can I get an AMEN!!!
Patty
oh, thank you for this post! familiar words. you wrote what my heart feels.
You are a wise women Janine, and I am so grateful that you are feeling like you want to survive and know that you will! You are right, grief is NOT rational, nothing about any of this seems to be rational or make sense. I have talked with another widow who said it took her a little over two years before she felt like surviving. I am hoping I will feel this way soon myself, although I have a ways to go if it is the two year mark. Someone mentioned a book? Are you writting one? I really think you should!!! Your feelings have been so much like mine and even though we really don't know one another, you have helped me greatly and given me so much hope. Hugs to you, Lorry
6 children and memory of Husband who shared your love. God has truly blessed you and Easter is great time to remember how much God loves us and that because of the gift of eternal life through Jesus our Lord, we will see our loved ones again who have pasted from this life into the presence of our Lord. Always remember His grace is all we need to carry us through each moment of the day.
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