.... and definitely not exclusive ......
is this club I'm in.
You know.... the one no one wanted to join.
And yet here I am.
It's not a club I chose. It's not a club I applied for. And it's definitely not a club I pictured myself joining.
Ever.
It's not a club for only wealthy people.
In fact, the cost of membership is way too steep for anyone.
And the initiation period? While it seems to be a different amount of time for each person, it rarely ever ends at the 'magical one year mark', contrary to society's opinion.
And though some clubs end their initiation periods with a "hell week", almost every week is "hell week" in this one. At least in the beginning. And sometimes in the middle.
All in all, it's a pretty horrific club to find yourself in.
But there is one positive thing.
And from what I can tell from my four-plus year membership .... only one.
And that is ..... the membership.
I have never been in a club with such amazing members.
People who don't want to be there, but still do all they can to encourage, love and support the members who join after them.
People who definitely feel the pain of each other. And feel, as well as show, compassion.
Today I "met" a brand new member. A friend of mine who's never set foot in this club's door gave me the phone number of a stranger she met in a store a couple of weeks ago. A stranger whom she watched cry because her husband had died four days earlier.
And though my friend isn't a member of this club, she knows someone who is.
And so last week she sent me this stranger's phone number.
I called her today. And we were not strangers, once I introduced myself.
Which is very, very common in this club.
As is what I will do the moment I see her tomorrow night: give her a very long and very hard hug.
She needs it.
And I need to give it.
I formed a "chapter" of this club over 3 years ago. I needed to be with other young members .... and the need felt as great to me as the need for food & water.
Greater, actually. I thought I would die if I did not find them soon.
So I spread the word through my friends, who spread the word through their friends ..... and that chapter went from my great need 3 years ago, to about 13 or so members today.
We meet every other week for dinner and bonding. And lots of laughing.
Sometimes we cry. Most times we laugh. And all of the time we support each other.
Tomorrow night, we will meet a new member.
And I guarantee you that I will not be the only one who gives her a hug.
In fact, though lately we've had less than 8 of us at the last few meetings (as tends to happen this time of year as school gears up to let out for the summer), after I sent out an email today telling them about this new member, not one single woman wrote to say she couldn't make it.
Instead, each email that came in notified me that each woman would be there.
Because that's what we do.
A club we wanted to join?
No. Never.
But a club that supported us and made us want to support others?
Yes. Indeed.
And a club of which I'm very, very proud.

My mom NEEDS this club. I just don't know if theres any more ways for me to help her.... Me the daughter who lost her dad...the one who tries to keep a smile on moms face so she is distracted by the hurt...the one who wishes she could take the pain away for her because it's bad...but I can't... I should e-mail you....but I don't know if I should.
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What you do, Janine, is your mission...you and the others who reach out to others in the club. And you are right...no one chooses to be a member. I so respect your compassion and leading others to help those who come after them. You are truly doing God's work. Proud to be your friend...every day! Love you! Vicki
ReplyDeleteIt's been five years now for me. Six for my now hubby, Mark. We are married and happy and etc-but the what if's are always in the back of our minds. Always.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I hear of someone "joining" the club that no on wants to join, I steer them to the YWBB.
The site and that chat room did nothing less than save me.
Funny, I never had a lot of local peeps-but I did meet a few on-line buddies over the years( even when I went to Australia!)and that connection makes all the difference, doesn't it?
Not sure if you saw the Oprah special where she visits the ostracized widows of India-it was quite moving.
Here's a link to White Rainbows, an organization that helps them out-
http://www.whiterainbowproject.org/#/welcome
Glad to know you are keeping on keeping on. Namaste.
Anon #1 .... OF COURSE you should email me!!! That's exactly why I'm here! I want to know who's out there and who needs help. So please, let me now how I can contact your mom.
ReplyDeleteVicki --- Thanks so much for your wonderful comments. I'm glad that you love me as much as you do. :)
I loe you. :)
Susan, THanks for the link ... and for your wonderful words. I appreciate them ... and you.
ReplyDelete:)