Go On ......

I've been asked to write a review about this new sitcom/drama starring Matthew Perry.   There are several widowed bloggers who are reviewing it today.  This is what's commonly known (among bloggers anyway) as a Blog Carnival.
Several bloggers write about the same subject, but with their own unique take on it.  Then they're all linked together so that people can read as many posts as they'd like.

I think it might be my first time to participate in a carnival.
A blog carnival, that is.

So here we go!

                                                                source
                                             
"Go On" is, in a nutshell, a show about "an irreverent yet charming sportscaster who, after a loss, finds solace from members of his mandatory group therapy sessions." (Quote from IMDB.com)

Now, before I go any further I have to admit to something.  Whenever I sit down to watch TV, which isn't a whole of the time, I multi-task.  I very rarely sit down and do nothing but watch a show or movie (unless I'm at a movie theater).
I'm usually paying bills, writing, doing work, or any other myriad of things that one can do while a tv is on.

So, while I have seen several episodes of "Go On", I can't tell you a lot about the first few.  But I did record last week's show and I watched it last night.  I recorded last night's show and watched it tonight.  And I paid attention (mostly) to those two episodes.

And here's what I think.
First of all, I did see the premiere show when they put it on after the Olympics.  And I didn't think it was very realistic.  Matthew Perry's wife had died a month earlier in the story line.  We find out later that she was texting while driving, or at least reading a text he sent to her while she was driving.  He was telling her what to pick up at the grocery store.  She never made it there because she died in a car crash.

While that may seem like a funny premise to many non-widowed writers and producers, I see nothing remotely humorous about it.
And I know for a fact that I have a great sense of humor.
And sometimes, a wicked sense of humor.
But then, so do most widowed people.

This show does have some laughs in it, but they're laughs for people who aren't widowed.  They're laughs that could be gained on most sitcoms.
The writers seem to have no idea (and for their sake, I hope they never do) of what widowed humor is.
And how very wicked it can be.

So here's the problem with that conundrum:  if you use everyday blasé humor on a show about grieving the death of a spouse, widowed people won't think it's very funny.

But ...... if you use wicked widowed humor in a sitcom, non-widowed people will be shocked and completely uncomfortable.
They would then most likely stop watching the show, and since there seem to be more of them than of us, the producers don't want that to happen.

Now don't get me wrong.
I think there have been some funny scenes, as well as some touching ones (loved the episode about Matthew not wanting to tell the gardner that his wife has been dead for a month.  He doesn't want to hear all of the emotional pity that he knows will ensue.  But he finally comes forward with the truth, finding that the gardner does not blubber out words of pity.  Instead, he erects a shrine to the wife in the back yard.  I thought that was great.)

Much of the show revolves around a grief support group that Matthew's boss makes him attend (because the boss thought one month was too early for Matthew to return to work and he felt that he wasn't dealing with his wife's death effectively).
First of all, that would not be my employer's decision.

Next, this grief support group is led by a young woman who used to lead Weight Watcher groups.  She's a wee bit less than knowledgeable about the grief process.
In last week's show she thought it was horrible that Matthew brought his wife's sewing machine to the group so that he could give it to one of the women who attends.  The leader told him that he needed to re-think that decision and really sit down and examine his emotions, or lack thereof, before he could be prepared to give something of his dead wife's away.
She was trying to make him cry, which is something she is known for among the group members.

I hated that.
I hated the fact that she would think she had done her job, or that she would feel more valued, if she made a widower cry.  
I also hated the fact that she butted into his plan to give away the sewing machine.  

It has been my experience that widowed people know when they are ready, or not ready, to give things away, clear out closets, clean medicine chests, etc.
No one can tell us when that time is because no one has the same time frame.

Another thing I hate about this grief group is that one woman is there because her cat died.
Yes, he was her favorite creature in all of the earth (human beings included), BUT ......
There is no way in hell that I, or any widowed person whom I know, would attend a grief support group that would include a woman grieving a cat.
No way.

In last night's episode Matthew's wife "came back", so to speak. (And from what I've read while preparing for this post, it won't be the last visit she'll have.)
Of course she only appeared to him and only when he was home, not taking care of himself. She was there to remind him that he now had to have the job of making sure that he ate right, exercised and took care of himself.  It was her job in his "before life" ...... now it has to be his.
She kept pushing him to cook good food and to go grocery shopping.

I wasn't totally buying into this story line, but I had no huge issues with it.
Until.
Until the two of them had a small tiff in the kitchen, after she surprised/shocked him yet again by showing up.  He wanted to know why she was coming back and she wouldn't tell him.  He got frustrated and started to walk out of the kitchen.
And then she, the dead wife/ghost said, "THIS I don't miss."
He doesn't turn around and look at her but you could see the hurt in his eyes.

That, I hated.
HATED.
It brings tears to my eyes to even stop and think about it for more than a second.
Hated it.

If I could have even the ghost of Jim back for a brief moment, and it would entail us re-living one of our worst days together, I'd take it.  In a heart beat.
And I would never, EVER, EVER say anything about not missing any part of him, even an argument.
Because as all of the women at Circle tonight agreed, we'd rather have them back in our worst moment, than to not have them at all.

No, they weren't perfect.  No one is.  They, and we, were/are far from perfect.
But they were our love.  For better or for worse.  For richer or for poorer.  In sickness and in health.  As long as we both lived.
And that's the kicker.
We both no longer live.
Our marriage vows have been fulfilled.
And we'd give anything to bring them back so the vows would be unfulfilled. 

We would not say one word about not missing our love, no matter the circumstances.
Yes, I know that there are some widowed people who think differently.  And that's ok.  In fact, I know a widowed person who thinks very differently from most of us.
And I get that.  I get her.  She did not have a relationship anywhere near the kind I had with Jim.
I wish she had.  But she didn't.  So I'm sure there is very much that she does not miss.
But I will say that most of the widowed people I know feel the same way I do.  We miss them.
We miss them very much and would give up everything we have, even our life, if we could have them back.
Not all of us.
But most.

So there you have it.
Not a huge review.
Nor an all encompassing one.

But it's my take.

It's a cute show with several laughs, even if they're not very realistic.
But I have to admit that when his dead wife/ghost said it was time for her to leave, and then did ...... and then he suddenly remembered something to ask her and ran after her, to no avail, yelling, "Wait!!  What's the iTunes password?!!!!", and then felt so stupid for not thinking of that sooner ..... I laughed out loud.
Because that would be very realistic.
If it were ever to occur.

All in all, it has some laughs, even if they aren't directed to widowed people.
But just the fact that there's a show out there at all ...... a show that's about losing a spouse and the grief that moves into your heart ...... is great.
Really great.

I hope that they start to become a bit more realistic ...... and they they stay on the air.
Because these laughs can be better than no laughs at all.

Let me know what you think of "Go On".
Even, and especially, if you feel very differently.
:)

Happy Thursday, Peeps.
:)


P.S.  Here are the links to some other bloggers with different opinions.  Enjoy!

Abel's Blog
Abel's 2nd Review
Kim's Blog
Julia's Blog
Fresh Widow's Blog
Widowed Village blog posts:
1.  * WV-- JoanneF.
2.  *WV -- jacuser
3.  *WV -- honeyspuddin
4.  *WV -- Widdared
5.  *WV -- Marsha
Sandy's Blog
Sam's Blog on WV