The Happiness Project Continues ........

........ and so I keep getting my three texts every day.
One in the morning.  One in the early afternoon.  And one in the late afternoon.
Asking me how happy I am.
On a scale of 1 to 10.

The last 3 or 4 times I've had to tell them that I'm a number ........ 10.
Yep, a ten.

If I were to answer that question, "How happy are you right this very moment?", without giving it any thought, then I'd probably give my happiness level a 7 or so.
But I have made myself stop and think each and every time I get the text.
How happy am I, really?

I can't measure my happiness on my "before" scale.
If I were to do that, then I'd never be happy.
My "before" included Jim ........ and everything and everyone that included.
I no longer have him.
Or most of what and who we had "before".

But that's OK.
In fact, it's more than OK.
It's as it should be.
Now.
Finally.

So, when I receive that thrice daily text, I have to stop and think.
Yes, I'm still a widow.
Yes, Jim is still dead and will never be back.
No, I will never wake from this "nightmare" and discover that's exactly what it was.

But I have so much.
I have his love.
I have our children.
I have security he gave me.
I have my family.
I have good friends.
I have a pretty good cat.  Even though he can be hugely annoying.

I have a great job.
I help people who are widowed.
I help them get connected with other widowed people
 and show them where they can use their God-given talents ....... and how they can use their grief to help other people who are grieving.

Not a job I ever envisioned myself doing ........ or wanting to do.  But there you go.  Life is what it is.  And it's what you make of it.

So ......... I am happy.
A different kind of happy, to be sure, but happy, nonetheless.

Things are not always easy.
Things are not always pleasant.

But things could be a whole lot worse.
A whole lot.

I am blessed.
Beyond measure.

I had Jim.
For a long time.

Not as long as I would've like to have had him, but again ..... there you go.
I had him.
And we have 6 great kids.

So there you go........again.
Not a very interesting post, to be sure.

But ......... a post I could not have written two years ago.

I miss him.
Of course I miss him.

But I have learned to be happy.

And happiness is much, much better than sadness.
Much.

So I choose happiness.
Because now I can.

Happy Monday/Tuesday, Peeps.
Enjoy who you have, while you have them.
Nothing is guaranteed.

:)