The boys did well with their scans today. And Jim's mom came through her surgery well. She'll be in ICU for a couple of days. So again we wait. Our surgeon will hopefully read all 4 films tomorrow and we'll be done, for now. They want more tests done but I hope they're not in a hurry. I seem to barely have the strength to use my computer keyboard. We need a break. I'd like a break from life but that doesn't seem to be an option at the moment. Maybe this summer the kids and I will disappear for a bit.
Today was long and blue, even though things went well. I seem to have moved backwards.
Son #2 will take his biology final tomorrow after school. He seems to be ready to at least pass it. We shall see. I have learned over the years that that is also something I cannot trust.
I have a watch that I bought in the Caymans from a store that sells t-shirts (etc) that change colors in the sun. The watch is silver and face is pale --- until sunlight hits it. Then the face turns a lovely shade of pink. I feel like that watch. Most of the time I feel pale but once in a while, when the sunshine of my friends is with me, I can feel myself change color.
I cannot thank my friends and family enough for all they've done and continue to do. They are all functioning for me. I feel like an idiot sometimes because I can't seem to do that yet. I can play tennis (somewhat), why can't I function in the rest of my life?
Just when I think I can, or I'm about to, Jim's absence knocks the breath out of me.
Oh my God ----- I -- miss -- him.
10 comments:
Ben and I are thinking of you everyday. Never think that you will be abandoned. The cards may be slowing down but you don't ever need to face day to day life on your own. I'm hoping you'll be ready to get with the girls soon. We all love you! Cindy
All I can say is I love you!
Wish there was something I could say or do that would ease the pain, but I know words and actions can't fix it. My heart aches for you and the kids.
Love you-
Janine - I've lost two people that I love very very much - my Mom at 59 years old, and my brother at 53 years old. I know that neither compares to losing your husband - but I just remember the weird feeling that while my heart was breaking - that life was going on as "normal" for others. It is a very very weird feeling. I'm so so sorry for you and your children!
I love you and I care!
Malinn
I want you to know that I read this every day, see what is going on, and then pray for whatever it is you talked about. I may not write often, but I am watching and praying.
And also, I'm selfinsh so I say come visit us in the summer!! Everyone else has the chance to see you, not us...hint hint...wink wink...nudge nudge...know what I mean???
I love you and miss you so much!! So do Kathy and the girls!
And on a side note...wouldn't you know it, the place on base that ships fish over night has shut down! Losers!
Little Bro
I keep thinking about your two life changing events. First your trip to Kenya and your experiences there. You barely had time to process that and bam an even more significant life changing event. Like it or not when you were first figuring out how your life's role was to include your Mission work in Kenyan then another role in your life has changed. I don't have any answers. You just need to choose when you are ready and what pieces of the different roles in life you are ready and want to try out for. You might mess up a line or two - but with practice you will be back on the stage of life.
Ditto (what lil bro said)
We also pray every morning at the office before we start our day and we remember all of you in that prayer as well.
(Yes...I do work for an awesome dentist ;) )
XOXO
Love you
K in AK
I am happy to say that after a number of technical problems, the DVD of the service is now being duplicated. I am sorry that it took so long but happy that I can even bring the first several copies by the house later today.
Prayers continue, -Rick
I got dibs on the first one!!
More random thoughts from me . . .
Son #2 needs a really smart girlfriend that studies all the time. It seemed to work for my son in high school. Our boys are all smart some just need that trigger to get their brains running/focused. Some of our guys are just difficult to get figured out. When my son graduated a couple of years ago from high school (now attends OSU). He told me how special it was that your Jim noticed him and quickly stepped up instead of the other person so he could personally hand my son his diploma. It is those thoughtful things that your Jim did to make the world a better place. He does live on through your children and the people he touched along the way. Can I tell you about your son #1 today? I was at church assembling the quarterly newsletter with another lady. We ran out of tape. We were trying to refill the tape dispenser. It was not one of the normal tape dispensers. We twisted, pulled this way and that and for the life of us we could not figure out how to get the old tape out of there, it was trapped. I normally pride myself on being on the mechanical side - but not today - I think my brain was frozen. Your son #1 was busy setting up in the friendship hall. I walked across the room with the tape dispenser - he assessed the situation gently slid the little thing that kept the tape trapped and replaced the roll. He didn't say anything he just politely handed me back the tape dispenser. And voila we were back in business. Thank you to son #1.
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