I wish I could, but I cannot make myself say "happy" anything. Today is Jim's birthday. He should be here so we could hang up the sign we use for every birthday. He should be getting the cake his assistant made for him every year at work. He should be here so I could make one of his favorite meals for dinner along with a spice cake, also his favorite.
I think that the only gift he would want this year is for my day not to suck as bad as I think it will.
I wish I could give him that gift. But I can't.
And neither can the kids. Their father is gone. They need him. They want him. He should be here for them.
But here we are .... all 7 of us .... without him.
And it sucks.
13 comments:
My Darling Daughter,
My heart aches so for you. This is going to be one on the list of hurtles you will have to clear in the days, weeks and months ahead. And probably years. But I know we can get you past this. I know your kids are there to help you, as well as all the friends and family that love you. Keep your self armed against these bad days by lettiing us all be your strength. We want and need you to lean on us as you make your way through these bad times. I love you and will talk to you soon.
Happy Birthday Jim!! We Love and Miss you soooo much. Try and have an ok day Janine. Allow yourself to do so. It's what Jim would want for you. We love you!
Janine, I know this must be a really hard day for you, but I think that it's okay to tell Jim Happy Birthday. He's having his birthday in Heaven with God! I know that he's also with you every day...and he would probably find it comforting if you made his spice cake and shared it with the kids. Jim DOES want for this day not to suck for you...I'm sure of it. I love you, Janine.
Lisanne
Can't help saying Happy Birthday Jim! I refuse to think of him as gone completely. We've been thinking of you and the kids. We just got back from skiing in Breckenridge. Had a blast. Just finished reading all your blogs as we didn't have access to email while there! Ben will get with you this week to talk about the boat. I go back to work tomorrow and Ben leaves to go back to Clemson. I'll schedule a girl's "happy" hour as soon as you're ready! Love, Cindy
Janine, I woke at 4:30 this morning, rolled over to look at the clock and immediately thought of you. I said a prayer and then laid awake hoping that your day would go OK.
Rebecca
Hi Janine,
I am at work thinking of you so I thought I would steal a moment between patients to write to you. I agree with Lisanne, MAKE THE SPICE CAKE! Keep the tradition alive and with all hope and prayers the scent of the cake will fill your home with happy memories. Happy birthday Jim...enjoy your party with God, and we will be with Janine in thought and prayer to help her through this day for you. Love you all.
K in AK
Janine, Thank you, thank you for being an awsome sister and for listening when I needed it. You are my rock and I sometimes don't feel worthy to be your sister.
Happy Birthday Jim, I love and miss you!
Little Bro-in-Law
I have thought of you and your incredible husband all day long. Some have been sad thoughts, some have been sweet memories and thoughts of the man and friend that Jim was to me and Glenn. I wanted to call you or see you today so I could hug you and tell you I love you but I chose to just think of you and pray and let you spend the day with the kids.
Love,
Natalie
As your day comes to a close, know your were lifted in prayer.
Darcie
Janine,
Just got home and was catching up with your blog. I hope you did make
the spice cake for Jim!!!!
I know he is still with you.... even if is physical being can no longer be. I think of you soooo often. I hope you made it through
today with more smiles and memories
than loss and pain.
I am here if you want to get out of
the house and have lunch anytime let me know. I'm usually good to go
at the last minute, so call me anytime.
love,
Gina
I just wanted to say that I look forward to your blog everyday becasue I get to see a picture of Jim I haven't seen in years or one I have never seen. Thank you for sharing your handsome husband with us. He always puts a smile on my face. If just for a moment. I love you Janine!
I have to agree with D about the pictures. I love that you are posting these wonderful pictures of Jim each day. Love You, K
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