(ummmmm .... you probably shouldn't read any post that's written after 9:00 p.m. --- proceed with caution)
So, "perfect" seems to be a relative term. I think the surgeon's nurse meant "perfect...... for now". She said they would need scans every year. We're hoping the geneticist doesn't agree. We thought that, as long as they don't find a "gene", the kids would be in the clear. Forever.
I'm trying to focus on the "now" and be happy that they don't show any signs of this ....... I'm not sure what to call it ..... this "condition". But it's very, very difficult (LL---I can so totally relate to what you've described on your blog -- the fear to be happy). It's like I can't let myself be happy in case the rug is pulled out from under me--again. And I hate that. I hate sounding so negative all of the time. Aren't all of you sick of this yet? I am and yet I can't seem to help myself. Yes, I know it's only been a little over 3 weeks but I still hate it.
On a less negative note, the girls and I went to see "Altar Boyz" again. Daughters #2 & #3 hadn't seen it before. It was nice to smile and laugh.
So welcome to my roller coaster --- you never know what to expect.
12 comments:
I feel a little like Gladys Kravitz, checking your blog everyday to see how you're doing and how I can be praying for you sorry I'm not bringing you some kind of dessert but I'm in Jenks America so a little far to drive. Glad you got good news from the scans today. I will continue to pray for your family.
Love,
Julie (Shafer) Ryker
Hmmmm...Am I sick of it? Well if I gave you a "pat" answer I would say, "No". However, I AM sick of it. There, I said it! That doesn't mean that you shouldn't feel that way though. But yes, I am sick of my sister, who used to be the most positive of the group, being down all the time, and feeling like it's never going to get better. I've been in those shoes before and IT SUCKS. It wasn't for the same reasons(I think you know what I mean), but I've been there. However I understand, I sympathize, and I love you anyway. I know you need to feel this way for a while, but I miss my older sister. So now I'm tearin' up! GREAT! Hey WLK, look over here...there's a guy over here crying! Anyway, every time I tell God it's not fair, all I hear is, "Be patient". I'm not sure what that means, but I'll do my best. Take care sis and we'll talk soon. Oh by the way, the snow is only supposed to be a total of 11" so in a few more days, after the snow stops, you can come visit us. =)
Love ya,
Little Bro
*deep sigh*
My dear sister, we will never tire of listening to your honest, heartfelt feelings. It may sound strange, but I'm just happy when I hear that you're thinking and feeling at all. That lets me know that you are going to be okay. I worry about you so much and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't include you all in my prayers. I include your mom, Michael & Dawn and their families...the kids...and all of your friends who love you so much.
I've never been one of God's "easy children" but this has reminded me that I need to work on my faith...and remember each day to ask him for peace, love and guidance for Jim's family.(and a little for myself!)
I love you SO much Sis...
Lisanne
Don't worry (says the worry wort sibbling AGAIN!) Take good when you get it and worry about other things. One thing about negative, once you go there it's hard to come back. So be positive about what you have right now. Two good scans, 6 awsome kids, great friends and family that love you to the high heavens, I love you!
JE,
Encouraging news re: #2 & #3!
The "I can't let myself be happy in case the rug is pulled out from under me - again" feeling is so real.
Al
One of the reasons I could not comment yesterday was because I could not find words that expressed how I was feeling. Thrilled that L and K's scans looked so "perfect" but guarded because I know there is so much more to simply "get through" and whether it is good news or well, not- it is going to be hard. This is all so hard, unbelievable, incomprehensible, and completely unfair. are we sick of you feeling negative? No. (although I do think brother M had a great answer to that; I am tired and sad beyond belief that you have to feel this way and would do anything to change the course of the last month, so that you did not have to feel this way.)But are we sick of hearing about your feelings-No, we are here for you, Always and no matter what.
I'm glad you and the girls were able to have a few moments to smile and laugh, you all need more moments like that and I pray it will come more often and last longer, in time.
I love you, K
You are not negative all the time, you are just grieving. I am thankful that you have family and friends that will stand by you no matter how long it takes. I'm blessed to be one of those priviledged friends that will be walking with you through the pain.
Love you!
DT
Another thought to ponder . . . Why are we afraid to be happy? Do we think if we are happy God is going to knock us down to teach us yet another life building lesson? I am so glad this theme of Afraid To Be Happy keeps coming up in this blog. It has really answered some questions in my life.
Yes, I do.
"REPRISE" "Just trying to breath"
I made a statement I have to say I thought was in the middle of the night so I was blaming my comment on my ambien. Well to my surprise, it was made in the morning early. So lets just say I was still under the influence. Or if you ask J, M, K, L, W... it just might say RET on my birth certificate some place ( I wonder what brilliant mind came up with that one?) Any way I made a statement that we should all have to live in the state we were born in. In my own defense...J has been apart of my life since I was born so me thinking that she was born in OK even though I now know (remember) good and well she was born in OR was a small mistake that both my lovely brother and darling sister quickly brought to my attention. Thank you so kindly. What would I do without the two of you? :) Is there a rock around here close???? I will never live this one down I am sure!
You don't need to answer necessarily but you said you were afraid that if you are happy again you fear that the rug will be pulled out again. Is that how you've always felt or just now? It seems like many people in this life get to that place. I noticed it in adults when I was a teenager and I vowed that I would never let life's pain stop me from living with joy. I tell ya, it hasn't been easy (and I certainly haven't always succeeded) but most of my traumas were in my childhood. It is hard to rise above great pain but I do believe that out of great suffering comes great compassion.
Just now,
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