Yesterday I watched a program that I had recorded last spring (yes, it's taken close to a year for me to watch a program I recorded. Go figure).
It was about Billy Graham. I think it was entitled "The Preacher and the Presidents" (it's also a book). It had several interviews with each living president and each living spouse (as opposed to all of the dead ones? OK, that was stupid -- of course they're living. Oh well.).
They talked about the "tough questions" each had asked Rev. Graham at some point in their lives. Nancy Reagan was interviewed. When asked what Rev. Graham had helped her with most, she said it was after the death of her husband. She asked Rev. Graham, "Will I see Ronnie in heaven?". And he said, "Yes. Most definitely yes." She was asked why she felt so certain now that she would see him in heaven and she said, "Because BIlly said so."
That is what I needed to hear. I desperately need to know that Jim is waiting for me. That on the wonderful day when I leave this life (at the moment this hell-on-earth) he will be the first person I see and that he'll walk me straight to Jesus.
If you have a differing opinion/view, do me a favor and don't tell me.
That's what I need to hear.
I'm debating on doing a post entitled, "What I don't need to hear", but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by telling them what not to say (or what should not have been said). I know that every word has been well-intentioned and said with love, but there are certain things I don't want/need to hear.
Hopefully I'll remember this if I ever meet someone in my situation.
15 comments:
So that means we'll see each other too! (That is, if a swearing NYer can get into heaven.) I hope they have tennis courts in heaven ;-)
Love you,
M
I would really appreciate hearing "What not to say" as I often feel awkward. I say go for it and enlighten us!
Marilyn
I think that Jim will bring you directly to Jesus! What a neat interview.
I would love to hear what you don't want/need to hear....just to make sure that I don't say any of them to you (if I haven't already).
Still praying daily for you.
Lyn
I want to know what not to say. I want to know what you don't want to hear. Please, if in a personal email I want to know! I know Jim is waiting for you in heaven. Of that be certain! I love you!
OOH OOH...tell me what not to say so I can find out that I've already said it and beat myself with a wet noodle!!
(I don't know)
Janine - What a great thought of Jim waiting for you. That is how I feel about my Daddy.
I too would like to know what not to say. That is why I have not replied.
Saundra
Janine - I agree with others - I really would like to know the things that we need to know are hurtful! I mean that! I wish one day you would devote your blog to the helpful - and not so helpful - things both said and done! I am counting on the fact that we will see our loved ones in heaven - just as you are!!!
My love to you!
Malinn
Janine,
With absolute most certainty Jim will be waiting for you. I do hear there is a bit of a line to see Jesus - But if you are patient Jim will wait in line with you.
What not to say . . . I was hoping Janine you would write one of those funny little quick-wit books of what not to say in certain situations. Well meaning people say the darndest things.
Oh Man...I think the "what not to say" category might be ugly for me (I tend to blather) but I also would love to know. I'm torn when we talk...about being very careful not to say anything that might hurt you...and also knowing that you wouldn't want me to "pussyfoot", but be myself.
Sis...if I ever say anything that hurts you...Please please please just reach out and SMACK me up-side my thoughtless head! The last thing in the world that I want now is to hurt you...so please do tell me ahead of time abut the "What not to say" stuff!
I got my Africa packet today! I was SO excited! I truly can't think of a better, more life-altering experience for me than to be able to experience Africa alongside you! So very, very cool.
J, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind...that Jim will be your Cabana Boy in Heaven! He'll make all of the necessary introductions...then haul you off for the best spa treatment ever!
I love you I love you I love you!!!
LIs
We all love you and want the pain to go away, but we know we can't so sometimes we end up saying stupid things. I know I have. Sorry.
So until you write your own list, here are 2 sites that the rest of us might want to look at. They have some good suggestions on what not to say as well as what to say.
http://blog.al.com/pr/2007/05/what_not_to_say.html
http://www.deislerfuneralhome.com/Pages/dosdonts.html
J- I think I told you this before, but when my Dad died of cancer, a friend said to me, "well, it was for the best wasn't it?" That is something I have always remembered NOT to say. "FOR THE BEST" would have been him CURED of cancer! IYE YIE!!!
Hope I have never said anything stupid like that! (I'm still kicking myself over telling you to make the spice cake. That may have made me an OUT-law rather than an in-law!)
We just love you and for some of us, it is so hard to comfort in typed e-mails rather than just hold the person who is hurting and hug all the pain away.
Love, K in AK
Last year after my surgery and diagnosis, pastor came over to talk to us. I remember his words. He said that people are not going to know what to say to you. And because they are not going to know what to say, they may say some stupid things. He said you are going to have to practice alot of grace. These people do care about you.
I know are situations are very different, but this was helpful when I heard things I didn't want to hear. Hopefully I haven't been one of those people.
I saw that Billy Graham special last year...it was so neat. It's hard to believe he was spiritual counsel to so many of our presidents.
What wonderful news about Whitney! I would want a shirt made too, like you mentioned if that was my daughter!!! You must be so proud!
-Amy
My Dear Janine,
Please add me to the gadzillions of folks out there who also have a very hard time knowing what to say during a loved ones infinite time of sorrow. Many of us stop communicating other than sending a card because we don't trust ourselves to always say the right thing. I've been reading your blog daily & I'm so glad to see your loving family rally around you! While working with the homeless every day, I don't often see that kind of support. Also, even through your pain, you still have a sense of humor & a wonderful gift for writing which I'm sure your faithful readers all love. Please make that list of "What I don't need to hear" for all of us because we want & need to read it!
Hugs!
Your ex-stepmom,
Evelyn
i am confident that your beloved Jim is in heaven waiting for you, and that you will certainly be reunited with him there! i tried to find a scripture that spoke to me of this and i came to Philippians 3:7-4:9. Part of it: "And we eagerly await a Savior from there [heaven], the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." And what you have wrote about Jim's love for you, and what people have said about his service in many areas of life, and what i saw of his service in church, i am confident that he is in heaven - of course! not that we are saved by our works, but when faith is lived out in our lives and it shows clearly and shines brightly, and you finish the race of life strong in Christ - there is no doubt that Jim lived in Christ, and Christ in Jim. And the same can be said of you.
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