This picture is from Jim's parents' 40th anniversary -- 9 years ago. These are my brother-in-laws and my sister-in-law. Good looking family. Especially that guy on the right. I really, really miss him. Infinitely.
It was a quiet weekend. I stayed in my p.j.s all day yesterday. We watched movies and I read some stuff for work (I mostly read stuff for work). Then I got kidnapped around 9:00 (thank you J & J). They took me to their house to watch a movie, and I promptly fell asleep. I'm a very quiet kidnapee (OK, I know that's not a word but I don't care).
Today I went to church, where I felt a bit slammed, but will leave it at that.
Di's father-in-law passed away Thursday night (after a long illness) and the visitation was tonight, so I went to that. Tomorrow is his funeral. I am so sad for his wife. Yes, he had a long life and he's much better now - I'm sure Jim was there to greet him - but it still must be so difficult for her. I know it is for me and she had him longer than I had Jim.
I wonder if she looks as forward to death as I do? It's not that I'm suicidal -- not anymore. It's just that the thought of death does not scare me -- not at all. I don't think about it a lot, I'm not planning anything, I just look forward to being with Jim again. That is still one of the few things I really do look forward to.
I don't feel as depressed as this sounds, really. It just is.
Oh wait --- I just thought of something that depresses me:
I have to go to a track meet tomorrow.
On a positive note, I think it's the last one for the school year!
See, I can see the positive notes -- sometimes.
3 comments:
Good morning my darling daughter. I'm glad you're not as depressed as it sounds! But as you know well, it is what it is, and you take it as it comes. You will get through this. I wish I was there to help. Even if I'm no help. Just to give you some moral support. Thankfully, you do have plenty of that. I'm still and always so greatful for your many wonderful friends. I hope your Monday is a good one.
Wow. I feel a bit relieved. When my brother-in-laws mother died, I remember actually feeling excited inside for her. Her husband had passed away about 12 or 13 years earlier, and they were just a couple that you could not imagine whithout eachother. So when she passed, I can remember feeling a little sparkle for her...so excited that she was with him again and I imagined their reunion in my head. I have always remembered that and what a good feeling I felt inside, when I thought I should have felt sad. Thank you for making me finally feel good about that! ;P
Love you and praying for you everyday!
XOXO
K in AK
after my last post I watched this video of the Natalie Grant song Held. If you feel up to it take the time to watch it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2m1HZekCcc&feature=related
I guess for me I am so terrified that when tragety strikes my reaction will block the peace of knowing God is holding me. So that is why I cry out in despair - God when I need you the most please be bigger than my reaction. Let it be known from the first moment I am being held. Dont leave me for one second to my own understanding.
Dont leave me breathless. Breathe in me air when I cannot breathe for myself.
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