As you can see, this picture is from December 1988. This was the Mothers of Multiples Christmas party in Tulsa. The girls were very, very good. We only had 3 children then. And only girls. Sigh. :) I have decided that I should write a book for the newly grieved. I shall call it, "Don't worry, you're not sick --- it's just stress!".
I am tired of doctors. I am frustrated and weary. Today I went to the 2nd ENT to go over all of the test results. Basically, there's nothing wrong with me --- it's just stress. Lots and lots of stress. Really?! So those little plaque spots on my brain are just stress? And that little cyst on the back of my brain is just stress? And the chronic sinusitis --- stress? No, but nothing bad enough to do anything about. The plaque spots are puzzling, because they indicate I should be having crushing migraines. But I don't -- so don't worry about it. So there you go.
The dizziness? Stress. The hearing loss and fullness and roaring in my ear? Stress. My shoulder? I don't know, maybe it's just stress, too!
So I guess I'm just stressed out. Ya think?! Let's see .... what's on the "stress list'"? Oh, well -- number 1 (through infinity): Jim's death. Number 2: Jim's mom. Number 3: The kids' health.
Number 4: Son #2. Number 5: I can't play tennis!! Number 6: Jim's death --- wait, I already used that one, didn't I? Number 7. Life without Jim. Number 8: Son #1's upcoming graduation without Jim. Number 9: Daughter #2 & #3's upcoming 21st birthday without Jim.
Number 10: Our upcoming 25th anniversary, also without Jim.
There we go --- I think that's a good start.
As for Jim's mom -- my wonderful sister-in-law L called me today. Jim's brother said that Mom is stable, physically. Mentally, she's really going downhill. But there are no decisions to be made at this point in time. In fact, they're going to move her to a rehab place (on the respirator) tomorrow. Her Son #2 is going back to California Wednesday. They all said that I don't need to come -- that I should go enjoy my trip and my family and my friends. Nothing is happening and she's less aware at the moment. Maybe the change in scenery will help her.
So I am relieved and looking forward to the time with my family and friends. Very, very much.
So, yes, I am stressed. I expect to have stress for quite a while. I expect that my "before" normal will never be here again. So I will look for a new "normal". Some day. Today I try to deal with the stress. But I have a wonderful family, the best friends in the world (in every area of my life-- church, tennis, couples bunco, school district, MOPS, work, etc), and a God who may not always be felt, but always IS. And even though Jim is gone physically, he's still taking care of us and made my stress less than it could have been. I love him more than ever.
And I have 2 kittens that seem to be adjusting to each other. Little by little. There's still some hissing, but it seems to be better.
7 comments:
Stress is an incredibly powerful force, and you're certainly under a lot of it.
And that picture of the two cats? Priceless. I want to curl up right next to them and feel the purring.
That doesn't make ME a crazy cat lady, does it?
That is the cutest picture ever!!! I am so glad that Colbie is warming up to "George"!!!
While the news is not Wonderful about your MIL it is better than what we thought yesterday- so that is something.
As for the medical stuff- you know where I stand on that(I think?) I am sure stress can do many things to a person's body but i know not of an instance where it has caused plaque or cystic lesions in ones brain?!? I personaly, would feel so much better if a GOOD neurologist (not just any neurologist) were to tell you this was nothing to worry about rather than an ENT, who did not study the brain as a specialty. but that just me.
I am glad you will be able to go on your trip and visit family and friends (please say hi to dad, mom, and V for me!!!)but I need to tell you... if you dont follow up with neurology by summer- I will kidnap you and your films and drag you kickin and screaming to one, and I have a couple women who will help me do it. I love you! K
Well I am thanking God that you aren't having migraines. You definitely don't need those. The photo is so precious and it looks like the two of them will be the best of friends.
I am also thanking God that you are going to your reunion with your friends and get to see your family.
We will all keep praying for Jim's mom and for your health.
Enjoy your time away.
Love you,
Nat
Tough stuff you must deal with everyday. Take care of YOURSELF! ("if you are with someone who needs assistance, please affix your own mask and then assist your companion with theirs"). Sound familiar? Even if you already do feel like you care for yourself, up it by a level or two - add massage or journaling or walking or 60 second quite times or something else because the stress level is so high right now.
I am praying for you and your whole family. The situation with Jim's mom is so unbelievably hard. Wisdom comes to those who seek. We know that and it will prevail here as well. Love to all of you.
I can totally relate on how the body handles stress. At different times of high stress I have found myself broken out in a rash, insomnia, backaches,memory block. I can especially recall a time when I was doing some intense therapy and I had my period for 6 months!!!!!!! For me it seemed that the symptoms got worse than the source of the stress. I am sorry if that is too much info for everyone or not lady like, but I wanted to share that I understand and will pray for you.
xo
...need some chocolate? Too bad it doesn't really solve all that it promises.
Actually,I just wanted to add how absolutely adorable those kittens are. I did laugh at your being taken with that kitten and finding yourself a new mommy to it. That is something I would do too, which is why I send my kids to the pet store.
We have a Shii-Tzu because I could not control my emotions.
I just erased 20 lines of typing because I read what I wrote and it made no sense. So in summery STRESS SUCKS!!!!!!
Get a massage!
Talk about stress...IT'S SNOWING HERE AGAIN!!!!
Love ya!
Little Bro
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