Tuesday answers .....

Wow!  You guys have some great questions.  These may take me a couple of days, so bear with me.

The first question (at 5:33 AM -- our time) was from Linds:
"What country would you like to visit and why?
Do you have any hobbies? If you read, which book have you enjoyed most in recent months?"
Let's see .... what country? Well, I've already been to Italy, but Jim and I were supposed to go this past May for our 25th. We were going to go up the Amalfi Coast and into the wine country. He wanted to ride bikes. I told him I'd give him one day on a bike. We had hoped to tie that trip in with the Tour de France. The man was crazy about biking.
So I'd still like to go there some day. I'd also like to visit Australia because it seems like it would be a very fun place! And I'd like to take the kids to Germany because they're half German. Oh, and Austria ... it looks so beautiful.
Oh again .... and any white-sanded, blue-watered, quiet, pina colada-filled beach.
As for hobbies .... tennis, or course, and reading and theatre. I am currently reading "The Shack" which is a short read but it's taking me a few months. I can only read a bit at a time and then have to step away from it. But I like it.
I love historical novels, romantic comedies, some "thrillers" (not gory) novels, autobiographies, John Grisham, Max Lucado and some mindless books like Danielle Steele (though I'm a bit tired of those) and the Stephanie Plum books by Janet Evanovich. I think those are hysterical. I love books that make me laugh out loud.
Thanks Linds!

The next question came from RJ:
"I'm curious as to how you feel about the election? Or if you have had time and energy to follow it?

I know you live in Texas, and the stereotypical Texan is Republican, but I'd be interested in how you personally feel about this election and about Obama, Biden, Palin and McCain, and what the most important issues for you are."

Whew! Good questions, though I must admit, this election has kind of snuck up on me. I haven't followed it as closely as in past years. I am what I define as an Independent Republican (although I don't say that out loud here in Texas!). I am more conservative than liberal, yet more liberal than conservative.  How's that for sitting on the fence?!

Seriously though, there are issues on both sides that I agree with, though I would say there are more on the Republican side.  Taxes are an issue that concern me, as does healthcare, education and of course, the safety of our country and its people.

I wish that I could say I am totally for one or the either candidate, but I am not.  I wish we had been given a better choice.   I'm not sure that I've ever really trusted any politician because it seems that they say whatever they need to say to get elected and then follow their own agenda.  

I do not believe in voting for a person because of their gender or their skin color.  I try to look at who I think will do the best job.  And that in itself is a dilemma because anyone who would want this job has got to be crazy, right?

And I may not be happy about who wins tonight, but I will pray for his leadership and guidance and for our country to unite behind him and move forward.   

Nat asks:
"I can't believe I don't know the answer to this after all these years but here goes...
If you and Jim never planned to have a LARGE family-how did those 6 incredible kids come to be? And a follow-up if I may-which one was the easiest birth and which one was the happiest baby/toddler?"

Ummm, Nat ..... it's called ....... sex.

:)

OK, here's the deal ..... no we never planned a big family.  I thought maybe one or two.  And then I had one.  And she was wonderful (after the first 3 months).  She was such an easy, happy baby and toddler ....... I KNOW ...... but it's true!!!  People would stop us in public and comment on what a happy, joyful toddler she was.  I totally blame middle school for the change in personality.

So then we went for number two, which turned out to be #2 and #3.  Identical, awesome little people who have grown up to be awesome identical women (but only identical in looks and awesomeness).

Those 3 little girls sucked us into parenthood totally.  We were goners.  And so we decided to go for #4.  

I would say that Son #1 was the easiest baby of them all .... although Son #3 comes very, very close.  And most of them were very easy babies, which is part of the reason that we had more.

Having a 4th child was so easy for me ... he just fit right in, I felt great, he was happy all of the time (and usually still is) and his big sisters adored him.

Those were the children we had "control" over (ha!!!).  Like I could control twins!

We moved to Texas and figured we were a family of six.  

We should never have moved.  We had had two children in Oklahoma and two children in Chicago.  We should have realized .......

God had other plans.  And we had two children that He planned .... in spite of what we did or what plans we made, which is all I'm going to say on that!

And though you didn't ask, Son #1 was the easiest pregnancy.  Daughter #2 was the easiest birth (Daughter #3 decided to wait an hour and a half after #2's birth to make her appearance!).

Anonymous asks:
How did you get them to not leave their stuff all over the house? Shoes, backpacks, jackets, shoes, sports bags, did I say shoes, yet?

Ahhhh, the age-old mothering question.  Well, here's how I handled it.  The rule in our house was, 'if you leave it, you lose it'.  When we started that rule we sat them all down and told them what would happen.  We kind of eased into it so they got a warning or two.  After that, if I had to pick things up then they disappeared.  One day all of the backpacks got thrown into the back yard (I think I was a bit tiffed at that point!).  Socks and shoes got put away.   There was a period when one or two sons went without socks for quite a while because they had none left in their drawer!  

Now, it helps to have a place for things.  I had a huge "shoe basket" just inside the door and all shoes went off the feet and into the basket when we came into the house.  We also had hooks for the backpacks so that's where they went if they weren't taken into their rooms.

You have to be prepared, as with ALL parenting rules, to be consistent.  If the stuff disappears then it really disappears.  They can earn it back or buy it back, or lose it for a certain period of time, but it's not just given back.  That means if it's a pair of school shoes then something else is worn to school -- even if it's a pair of slippers, because, trust me, it will probably happen only one time.  Consistency.  Not easy, but absolutely mandatory.

Good luck!

Gail asks...
Okay, here goes. My daughter is almost 13 and quickly becoming irresponsible. (Or maybe I should say she's THERE).It's driving me insane. She can't wake up in time, she's ALWAYS running late, she doesn't have her school papers organized, and her room is horrid. You have to understand that she used to be VERY much on top of things. I could always count on her to have her things done. I've been complaining to her and she tells me that "before" when her room was neat and tiddy and everything was done she didn't have a social life. BUT she's expecting me to make up for all of her forgetfulness. Like this morning for example. For some reason, her alarm clock did not go off. She woke up late. Then tells me that she needs to be at school for a NJHS meeting, so can I bring her.? Sure, I say, but on the way there she tells me that she left her fundraiser and permission slip form at home. Can I bring them to school? I said no. Her response was, Well, then I can't go to Austin! Ugh! What do you do with a very forgetful child? Natural consequences don't seem to be doing the trick. Or, if I impose them, she stays mad at me. I can't stand having her mad at me all the time. It's killing me.

OK Gail, brace yourself because you may not like my answer (but it's said in love!!).

Before I give you an answer I must ask you a question .... Why can't you have her mad at you?  That may sound like a stupid question, but seriously (and she is a teenager now so she may be mad at you a fair amount of the time --- even though she may not always know why.  But she won't stay mad.).  It's not your job as a parent to make her happy.  It's your job to raise her.  And to raise her to be hopefully independent and responsible. That means that there do need to be natural consequences and I think maybe more than your daughter is experiencing.

I'll tell you how we handled this:

Each child had his/her own alarm clock (which your daughter also has).  Each child was responsible, from about 3rd grade and up, to get themselves up and ready and to school on time.  When they were in elementary school we had a period of time when the girls were dawdling in the mornings.  I had always run things on a posted schedule so they knew they were supposed to be up at 7:00 and downstairs, dressed and ready for school by 7:20.  When this period of 'lateness' hit I told them that I would pour their cereal into a bowl at 7:15.  At 7:20 I would pour the milk into the bowl.  Whenever they came downstairs to eat it was up to them.

I think we only had one morning of soggy cereal.

That was a natural consequence of not being on time for breakfast ... at least in my house.  

Here's how I handled papers, lunches, instruments, whatever, left at home.

Each semester the kids got one free "pass".  If they called to say they had left something and would I please bring it to the school I'd ask, "Do you want this to be your free pass?"  Now, they had to weigh this because who knew what they might forget later on down the road and what might be the cost of not getting it?  So I would take something up to the school once ... after that they knew not to call and ask.  The answer was "No".  And if that meant they got a failing grade, or didn't get to participate in something, then so be it.  That was the natural consequence of leaving things behind and not being responsible.

As far as getting to school on time, the kids all rode their bikes in elementary and middle school.  In high school they rode the bus.  If a bus was missed they had to walk home --- or to school.  And when they were late to school and had to go to detention, so be it.  That was the natural consequence of not being responsible and getting to school on time.  

Daughter #1 had to walk over 4 miles one afternoon to come home.  She called me an hour after school was out to tell me that she had stayed for a meeting.  She had forgotten to tell me about this meeting so that we could work out transportation.  I was an hour away from the house.  So I told her to "start walking".  She knew when she called that that was probably what my answer was going to be.  I couldn't come and get her.  Could I have called someone to go get her?  Yes.  But would that have taught her anything?  I think that she would have thought that it didn't matter if she let me know ahead of time when she needed extra transportation.  

Yes, I was a stay at home mom, but I was not at my children's beck and call.  My job was not to meet their every desire, nor to make life easier for them.  My job was/is to raise them to be responsible adults.  My goal is to have son and daughter-in-laws (especially) who say, "Thanks -- you did a great job!".  OK, that's not my main goal, but it would be really nice, don't you think?

And here is my last answer for you and again, you probably won't like it.

As for her room ..... here's what I did:  I ignored it.  I had to let it go.  I didn't do that easily, nor did I do it early.  It was at about the age of 13 for the girls.  I love my girls to death, but room neatness was not one of their strong points when they were growing up.  That's about the most positive thing that I can say about the black hole that was a bedroom (since they read the blog).

:)

Seriously though, I had to convince Jim .... and that took a couple of years, that we had to just shut the door and let their rooms go.  They couldn't take food up there, and once a year or so they would have to clean it out, but we mostly just tried not to look inside.  They had to have control of that part of their lives.  That was one of the hardest parenting things we did.

Good luck with the teenage years.  Hopefully this forgetfulness stage is the worst of it for you both!

     OK, one more question for tonight and then I'll answer more tomorrow.  This one is from my goofy sister and it made me laugh out loud:

"What is the air speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow???"

My dear D, I must answer your question with a question:

African or European?