Wednesday Wisdom ...... hahahahahahahahahaha!

And so the answers continue .......

Wendee asks:
I know you've shared a lot of photos, but what are some of your most favorite memories with Jim? How long did you date before you got engaged and married? How did he ask you to marry him? :) And I'd ask who you voted for, but I won't even open that can of worms! ;)

Hi Wendee!

We dated for a year before we got engaged.  We were engaged for a year before we got married.  I wish I could say that he came up with a romantic, over-the-top way to ask me to marry him, but he did not.  He was not that kind of guy.  He had been shopping for quite a while for a ring, unbeknownst to me, and could not find the one he wanted, and was getting frustrated.  So he took me shopping one day and we just "happened" to go into a jewelry store.  Such a sneaky guy.  Anyway, he had me look at rings (we had been talking about marriage for a while) and I almost immediately found the perfect one for me.  He couldn't believe it because it was exactly what he had been looking for.

So he bought it that day and that evening he came over to ask my dad if he could marry me.  I guess he said yes.  :)  After he came in from talking to my dad he got down on one knee and formally asked me.  And I guess I said yes.  :)

Some of my favorite memories ..... definitely our last semester in college, when we were both so totally in love and gaga over each other that we both made our first and only C!  We weren't too worried .... he had already accepted a job with an accounting firm and I was heading to law school.

Other memories .... our very first vacation with the 5 (#6 wasn't here yet) kids.  We went to Oregon for my grandparents' 50th and then drove down through northern California.  We had an amazing time.  

Our vacation to Rome was awesome .... it was Christmas 2005.  Very special.

I've loved all of our vacations .... driving to D.C., Disney World, Scotland, England, NYC, cruises, condos on the beach, especially.  We were a beach family.  

Christmases were always great memories, too, which shall be a huge challenge this year.

The last 5 - 10 years of our marriage were great.  Not always the day to day life stuff, but the marriage.  The kids were getting older and more independent and we really enjoyed each other.  

So, I have a ton of "favorite" memories ..... thank you for helping me to remember them.  :)

Daughter #3 asks:
Who is your favorite child?

Be honest. : )

Ummmm, you are, of course.

:)

Moni asks:
If before you had any children you could give yourself advise with the knowledge/wisdom you have today what would it be?

The first thing I would say is, "Run!  Join a convent ... even though you're not Catholic!"

Then I'd say, "If you insist on going through with this then try to 

let go of things a lot sooner."

I would also say, "Don't butt your head against so many brick walls.  Try to not let your buttons get pushed too much by certain children. Don't get on their roller coasters."

And then I'd say, "Try to relax more .... they WILL turn out OK." 

My brother asks:
I have a question...where does all the white go when the snow melts?
Oh and another one...what brother do you love most?

Why, M ..... everyone knows that the angels pick it all up and take it to Heaven to make clouds!  Gee, do you not get out or what?!

And as for which brother I love the most ..... now THAT'S a toughie ........ let me think .........

well, I guess, for the sake of peace in the family .... I'm going to have to say, "You, of course."

:)

LG says:
Funny you should ask today. We are having a battle of the wills right now with our 3yo boy. NOTHING seems to get through to him... (our now 5 1/2 yo daughter NEVER gave us trouble like this and we ALWAYS get complimented on her behavior, manners, etc)...WHAT WENT WRONG??? HELP!!!

All I can say is, "Welcome to the world of boys!!!".  

First of all .... don't worry.  Nothing went wrong ... he's completely normal.  I wish that I had a magic pill that you, or he, could take and this would all get better, but sorry.  I would have overdosed on it by now!

The only thing I can say for certain is consistency, consistency, consistency.  The 3 rules of parenting.

Keep enforcing the rules of your home and the behavior you expect.  I would also suggest that for a strong-willed child positive reinforcement works a lot better than negative consequences (not that you can't have those, of course, because that's part of life).  But what I mean is ... catch him doing things that are good and reward that behavior.  We had a goldfish jar and every time the kids did something positive (that I witnessed), I would toss in a few marbles.  When it got filled with marbles then they got to do something that we had agreed upon ahead of time.  Maybe it was to go to a movie, or to to McDonald's .... or to the dollar store to pick out a couple of toys (that you soon throw away, but it's the action that counts).

This seemed to work better than trying to find a punishment sometimes.  Some child are just like that ... they can take a punishment all day and still not seem phased.  So try a sticker chart, for every few hours he's good, or the marbles, or something like that.

Good luck!

MCK says:
I am seriously worried about a son going the same road as your son #2. Is there anything you think in hindsight that you could have done to help avoid the heartache? My husband and I are just getting so frustrated and we don't know what to do. The more we say to him, the more it just seems to push him away. Thanks J.

Before I answer this I must preface it with this ..... Son #2 had always been our most challenging child.  But all in all, he is a wonderful son and person.  He's never tried drugs, alcohol, or ..... sex, from what he says.  And yes, I believe him.

But ..... he has always been very, very difficult to motivate.  He's one of the most strong-willed people I know and I've never been able to punish him effectively (very much like LG's 3 yr old).

Sometimes the positive stuff worked, sometimes not.  He is definitely his own person and will evidently fight to the death to prove it.

So, in hindsight .... I would say if you haven't already done so, get him tested for any learning disabilities asap.  I would also suggest counseling if he's old enough to talk to someone, preferably a man.

And I would say the same old thing .... be consistent.  But know where to stand back a bit and give him room to either make it or not.  Give him the freedom to fail.  

And try not to react to the button-pushing, if he's doing that.  I over-reacted way too much with Son #2.  He could push my buttons like no other.  His roller coaster would roll into the station and I'd jump on before it could even stop.  Way too many ups and downs.

Keep in touch with teachers, but let them know that his success in school is also his responsibility.  You can only help so much.  You can't force him to pass, nor force him to study.  You can encourage and stand back, but it's up to him.

I hope that helps and I wish you God's blessings.  Hang in there!!!


Susan asks:
Ever have a child addicted to candy--so much so that she ate a half a bottle of those "gummy vitamins"...never mind that we've told her over and over that they are not candy and they are drugs...all this during red ribbon week...and by the way, whoever said childproof caps were? and then, what do you do--I seriously considered ipecac, even though I knew what she ate this time wouldn't hurt her, just so she'd understand. (but then I woosed out...who wants to deal with a child throwing up all day?)

You crack me up!  I'm with you .... can't stand the throwing up thing!  Guess I would've called the doc to make sure she wasn't going to go into a vitamin coma and then I would've grounded her for being old enough to know better!

After she was done being grounded I would've checked her in to Betty Ford!!

:)

Blessings on your trip to Kenya ... can't wait to see the pics and hear all about it!

K1 asks:
Who is your favorite sister-in-law on YOUR side of the family?? (because I know who your mom and dad's favorite daughter-in-law is, so I was just wondering.)
;)

Hmmmm, let me think ...... my favorite sister-in-law on MY side ........ well, in my yet never-ending attempts to keep the peace .... I would have to say ..... "Why, YOU of course!"

:)

OK, I think that is the end of the Q & A post.

I'm off to dinner with my Circle ---- the name I decided to stick with.  I'll check for any new questions when I get back.

Have a good evening!!