Ask Me Wednesday

Whew! The questions came in fast and furious during the last 24 hours. And they're all great (and some are hilarious).
I have a meeting to go to in a bit and then another meeting after that (and was supposed to be at one right now, but decided that two in one night was already enough. Fortunately the second one is with my Cirlce).
So I will attempt to answer as much as I can and then come back to finish it later.

Here we go!!

Anonymous said...
Here is my question for ask me Wed. I'm doing this anon because I don't want my son to see it. So what would you do with your child if you had a generally VERY good kid, straight A student, responsible etc etc but he had a sort of tendency to sneak/lie but you can't catch him because well he's sneaky. LOL. For example whenever he gets mad at his sis, he does it when I'm not looking. Sis on the other hand is exactly the same person in my presence or not so she tends to get in trouble more. So the other day he was grounded off the Wii. I left him home for abit and came home and saw him running too quickly away from the TV. I just had a "feeling" and I asked "Were you just on the Wii?" and he denied it but then I had a little talk about honesty and he admitted it. So... now I'm in a dilemma. I know this is serious and I need to discipline him (he's now grounded from the Wii for a month) but... I want to use this as an impotrant example to teach him lying - and sneaking - are NOT ok!!! Any suggestions?!!!!

Wow, this is a tough one.  I had a huge problem with one child about lying.  It (rather than identifying her/him as either a girl or a boy, I'm going to say "It".  Also, because "it" fits when talking about lying).  

This child could lie better than anyone I knew.  Now, of course all of the children lied at one time or another (or twelve thousand times or another) but I could see right through them.  Maybe because I, too, was sneaky.  Whatever.

The funny thing was  ..... Jim could NEVER see through them.  Ever.  And every single time I did he'd ask, "How do you DO that?!".    I would just shrug and say, "It's a gift."   Obviously the man was not a sneaky child.

We would always talk to the kids about how important their word was.  There will be times when you will have nothing but your integrity and if people can't trust you, then you don't have that.  Of course, that's a bit deep for a young child.  

Now, here's where I get all kinds of "HOW DARE YOU?" comments.  But when I caught my child in a lie (or using a forbidden word) then I liberally applied liquid soap to a wash cloth, rubbed it in a bit and then rubbed it all over their tongue.  Yes, my children got their mouths washed out with soap.  

I would also praise the fact-challenged child when "it" would tell me the truth .... especially in a situation that would lead to discipline.  But the discipline was always lighter when the truth was told.  All of the kids knew that.  "Better to tell me the truth now, than have me find it out later."

Another tact is do give him a dose of his won medicine.  The next time he asks for or to do something, tell him yes ..... and then don't do it.  When he becomes upset that his request didn't happen you can tell him that you're doing what he does.  And that you'll continue to do it as long as he does.  I may get bad comments on that, too, but it can work.

Good luck.

My hilarious sister, Lis, asked this:
Would you like 2 roosters and a 14 year old? I'd be happy to ship them!

While the offer of free shipping is very tempting, I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a gentle, yet firm, "HELL NO!"   And that was just for the 14 year old.  :)

Susan asked:
since you read so many books, Have you ever read "Shopaholic and Baby"? (Sophie Kinsella) There's no redeeming value in this book except that it's laugh out loud funny, and I thought it might give you a mindless lift, if you're interested...I'm ready to go get one of the other books in the series (this is the fifth of 5).

Oh yes, indeed I have read her books.  Did you start with the first book, "Shopaholic" (or maybe it's The Shopaholic Takes Manahattan?)?  I started reading them this past summer (because I definiteley wanted light, humorous books to take me away from reality --- so I picked those girly paperbacks that are pink).  I have read all of them.  And I enjoyed the vacation from thinking .... a lot.

Oh, and thank YOU for the hug, Susan.  I take hugs when and where I can get them.  My body is starved for hugs.  I think I have hug-anorexia.  Especially from men friends.  

I know it's probably surprising to many people, but Jim was very huggy and demonstrative.  I was less so and had to work on it.  I can't even put into words how starved I am for big hugs.  And I have friends who tell me that I should tell my men friends that.  But I can't.  I can't tell guys, "Hey I need a hug .... can you give me one?"  But all of you who know me would be doing me a great favor if you'd allow your husbands to hug me ..... sometimes big bear hugs ... not the one-armed half-a-hug.  Some people aren't comfortable with that and I understand.

But .... I digress from tonight's topic .......

A asks:
My Wednesday question is for H1. She LOVES to read but has hit a dry spell on new authors. She likes classics, mysteries, teen lit (not the raunchy stuff), even some manga. What books did W, K, and L enjoy?

Hmmm, I may have to ask for help from the Daughters here.  I know they read the Babysitting series.  And #1 loved the Railroad Car (or something like that) series.  I loved the Bobbsey Twin series but I don't know if you can find those anymore.  What about all of the Harry Potter books?  Has she read those?

#2 & #3 ..... what did you like to read?

Gail said...
Ok, in my time zone it is practically Wednesday, so I have a question. Kinda a question. Kinda more like a confession to make, yet I have hesitated because I don't know what it will mean to say it outloud. AFRAID. I have been afraid to whisper this to you. My birthday is Dec 18th.

Gail, my friend since 9th grade, I have never forgotten that it is your birthday.  And all I can say is, I'm sorry.  And don't worry about it.  It's also my sister's birthday.  And my brother's.  And my step-dad's.

So there ya go.  Not much to say.

But I do hope you enjoy your birthday .... no matter what date it happens to fall on.  Heck, you had it first.

:)

Off to my meetings ...... the rest of the answers may be a bit different .... since I play to have 2 glasses of wine under my belt when I return.  See if you notice!

OK, it's now 11:49 p.m. so I have to hurry if I'm going to make this post on Wednesday!

Anon asks:
How do you manage "screen time" in your house? I'm talking about TV, computer, and video games. Do you allow TVs and computers in the kids' rooms? Do you set time limits for tv, the computer, or video games? Do you check your kids'(maybe when they were younger) Facebook or MySpace accounts?
I ask because I know that any and all of those things can be addicting, especially for kids. . . and adults too. My daughter, Jenna, who is 4, really wants a Wii. She's played it a few times and thinks we need it. I hesitate to go out and buy her one because I'm not sure I want to start her on video games at this age, because there's no turning back. Do 4 year olds really need Wiis?

I am not trying to be robomom and not allow her to play any video games, watch any tv, or play on the computer. I am just not sure I want to jump into video games at this point. I am also trying to think about how we will teach our kids to be responsible with the tv, computer, and video games.

OK, we did limit "screen time", as we called it, to an hour a night.  At 9:00 p.m. all screens (for the kids) had to be turned off.  That kind of fell by the way side when Jim died.  I just didn't have the energy to make them turn off the screens or make sure they were doing something worthwhile at that point.  To be truthful, I didn't give a flip what they were doing after Jim died, just as long as they were in the house.

So yes, I think limiting "screen time" is a great idea. And when someone was grounded, there was no screen time in our house for a set amount of time for that person.

As for as a 4 year old needing a Wii .... I'd say definitely not.  Kids need to learn how to be kids.  But having said that, there are definitely a lot of family games that you can play with her on the Wii (tennis, bowling, baseball, etc).  Those games are fun to do together.

So I'm not really giving you an answer, just giving you pros and cons, i guess.

Sorry!

Oh and P.S.  Yes, I definitely think you should totally check out their web spaces.  No question about that.  Check out everything you can.

How long do you have to remind your children to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom? Why is taking a shower capital punishment for my 9 year old boy? How can I get my 9 year old to have more patience with his 7 year old brother? How do you stay so tiny? When are you coming to Tulsa? I guess that's all for now I just wanted to make sure you had some questions for tomorrow. I have great expectations! :)
Love you,
Julie

OK, let me preface this by saying that Julie has been able to crack me up since we were 18 and pledge sisters at OSU.  So .........

how long do you have to remind them to wash their hands?  Depends on the kid... You knew that!  There are still a couple that I ask that question to.  The others are pretty self-sufficient.

Of course, when the boys were small I'd have to give them explicit directions for taking a shower: such as, get in the tub;  get wet;  use shampoo;  use soap, RINSE.

Another tactic that seems to work quite well is to tell him that if he doesn't stop making such a big deal out of this you will either give him a bath or watch him take the shower to make sure he does it right.

That should be the last time you hear a complaint.  :)

Ummmm, about the whole patience thing ...... please let me know if anyone out there has the answer to that. My only answer is a whole lotta prayer, and encouragement.  You can also compare your patience for him sometimes to his for his brother.

As for staying tiny ..... chasing kids, playing tennis and rarely eating unless I'm with someone.  Really.  When I'm at home or out running errands I forget to eat.  So the only time I really eat is when I'm out with others.  Not always, but a lot.  Not healthy I know, but there ya go.

I'm not sure when I'll be back to Tulsa.  I think next October but not sure about anything before then.  But I will DEFINITELY let you know!!!

My sister Dawn asks:

You said last week that you bought a car. So is it a CAR and you have a trailer hitch on the back to pull a trailer to haul the horse/dog or did you buy a bigger SUV to haul said horse/dog?? And since Julie asked I will ask too...When are you coming to Chicago?? And poor Gail. I think we should all (you know who I speek of) move our birthdays to June. Love ya J! So so much!

I got a mid-size SUV that has more cargo room than my previous car.  And yes, I can haul something behind it, just in case I need a horse trailer.

And I hope I'm coming to Chicago sooner rather than later.

I am a mother of 2 beautiful girls, ages 3 & 4 months. My question for you is this - As your kids were growing up (and even now), how did you manage and organize all of their photos? As I said, my oldest daughter is now 3 and I have such a hard time keeping up with photo albums/scrapbooks. I think I only have through her 1st birthday actually in photo albums. The rest of the pictures are just in boxes. And my poor 4 month old doesn't even have a photo album to call her own yet! So how do you do it with six?

I had a photo album for each child (that my lovely Aunt C made for me!) and a baby book for each one.  The thing that helped me the most was keeping one of those baby calendars with stickers for each one, too.  I kept the calendar up and any time something happened I just made a note on that date.  Then I later used the calendar to fill out the baby book.  I am happy to say that each one of my kids have fully filled-in baby albums.  And I only kept the pictures going until their specific album filled up, usually around the first birthday.

I kept photos in a box and when I had a moment (like around midnight!) I'd put the in the album.  As for scrap booking, I too fell into that trap of satan!  Sorry if you love scrap booking .... I'm just kidding. Mainly.

But I bought 4 scrap books (back when we only had 4 kids) and all of the cutesy stuff and fancy scissors and cool stickers.  I got as far as kindergarten, I think.  And then I quit.  Which means that Son #1 didn't even get his taken out of the shrink wrap.  For years that box of stuff would mock me and tell me I was a horrible mom because I wasn't keeping the scrapbooks up.

Then one day, about 3 or 4 years later, on the first day of summer vacation, I got a flash. 

I put all of that crap booking stuff (oh, sorry ..... did I actually type that?!) and put it on the dining room table.  I then called those 4 children into the room, introduced them to their scrap books and the tools and the pictures and said, "Have fun!".  And they did.  Of course I had to tell Son #1 that his book was very, very special since it had never been opened and wasn't that cool?!  Fortunately Son #2 was too small to be in on this --- or rather, to realize that he had been left out of this and Son #3 wasn't around yet.  So those 2 have no scrap books and I think they've manage to live OK lives so far.  Wait ......  maybe THAT explains things!!!!  Crap!!

kris said...
While watching the American Music Awards with your sister she informed me that all the winners already new they were getting an award. She said it's the same way with the Peoples Choice Awards. I asked her "how do you know they know" she said "they just do ask my sister" so I'm asking. Do they already know that they have won the awards?

Ummmm, if I knew the answer to this question at one time, then I'd have to say that I've lost it.  (No comments please!)   I actually don't remember knowing this, but I wouldn't be surprised if they did know ahead of time.  In fact, I'm going with a stronger answer here ..... YES, they know ahead of time.

............i think.

Hi. I have an Ask Me Wed question that may have gotten lost in the shuffle last week. At what point
(age) did you start "talking turkey" to your kids (you know, the birds
and the bees stuff)? Was
it the same for the boys as the girls? Who handled the deed (you or Jim, and
with which gender?). And if you care to elaborate, how did you go about it? Just thought I'd spice things up a little!

Ahhhh, yes, a bit of spice indeed.  

As a matter of fact, this questions deserves a post all by itself so I shall address it in the post to follow.

How's that for suspense?!!