Black is back

     This picture makes me smile (yes, it was a wig).  This was before we were married .... we were still babies!  Yes, it makes me smile.  And cry ..... for what was ahead for her ....  tears for the joy and more tears for the sorrow.  

     So the black is back.  This really should come as no surprise because it's been settling in since Thanksgiving.  Thankfully, it's not the same black that was here a year ago.  It's not that heavy, inky, energy-sucking, life-taking black.  I pray that black never comes back.

     But it's black.  It's mostly a manageable black, but it's a black that makes me angry.  Because it used to be a brown.  I thought back in October, "It's brown now ..... and that's good".  I never thought I'd be glad to see brown, but it was much better than the black.

     I'm sorry if you're new or haven't been with me since the "before", because you probably don't know what the heck I'm talking about.  

Unless you've had the black come into your life.

And if you have, I am so sorry.  

     

     Though it's not "Ask Me Wednesday" yet (and yes, I'm bringing it back this week so get your questions ready), I will answer the many questions that you've been sending in, or texting or e-mailing to me:

  *No, I cannot be put on a "wait list".  I asked that and my doctor does not do wait lists.  Go figure.

  *I can't really go to another doctor because I don't have the scans from last week.  They are being sent to me and I don't know when they'll arrive, but I hope it's before Friday.

  *Yes, I do think that I'm going to cancel my trip to Florida so that I can get this taken care of.

  *I have no idea what my doctor will do next, though I imagine she will send me on to someone who specializes in this kind of thing.

  *No, I don't feel any pain in the muscle .... I had no idea this was there.

  *Yes, the colitis is still there and I think it's been there for quite a while, now that I know what it is and think back.  Remember, I don't listen to my body but tend to push things aside and move on until I'm forced to stop.  Now I know what those pesky pains have been.  I think this will be moved to the back burner until the other thing is figured out, but again .... I really don't know what she's going to say about this either.

  *I also have no idea what the next step will be .... whether it will be a biopsy or removal. I would probably opt for removal because I really don't want to have a CT scan every year to watch it, but then I'd certainly be able to identify with what my kids will have to do for the rest of their lives.

All in all ..... I don't know any more than any of you.  I can't move forward until the scans arrive or I have another one (and I really have no intention of having another one .... yet).  I'm going to call the California scan people (or whatever they're called) tomorrow to see if they've sent the films yet.

So until I see my doctor on Friday I will go to work, play tennis, hang with my boys, play with Gabby ..... and try to not focus on the black.  And try not to listen to the voice that keeps trying to make me give in.

It's a good thing I happen to look good in black.