Here's what I know .......

 ...... which really isn't a whole lot more than I knew going in, but a bit of a sigh of relief.

My doctor says she's 99% sure that it's not cancer.  The size has been stable for 5 months, which is good (and which also means that yes, it did show up on the other scan but no one said anything about it).  However, because it contains various types of tissue it could be, or could be in 6 months (or whenever).  It's not something that should stay in my body so I will have surgery at some point in the near-ish future (which probably means in a couple of months).  

So she has found the best place, mostly likely world-wide (thank you Houston medical center) and one of the best doctors.  And now we wait.  Again.  I guess I'm getting pretty good at that.  Much better than I used to be anyway.

     OK, I wasn't so good at it today when I sat in the exam room trying not to hyperventilate.  They did not have the radiologist's report when I arrived.  So I had to explain, a couple of times, what I was there for and what they were supposed to have received.  Then they took me into the room, where I could hear them on the phone trying to explain to the radiologist's office what they needed.  This took a lot of explanation and did not seem to be going well ..... all within ear shot of me.  All I could think was that it was really, really stupid of me to have not taken a Xanax before I left the house.  Really.  

     I texted my good friend/pastor and he called me .... to talk me down, most likely, which worked ... but only after I cried and tried not to.  I don't think I could've left that room without knowing something. 

     Thankfully, God knew that, too.  And so the report was faxed over .... about 40 minutes later.

It didn't say anything different than the report from California, except that the size was stable, and yes, the tissue was concerning but the size-stability might over-ride that.

    I knew that I would most likely need to have it removed, no matter what, and that they won't really know for certain what it is until it's removed, so I'm OK with that.

     It's deep -- deeper than I realized and deeper than my doctor would like so it won't be a fun surgery, but then .... who cares?  It's also not small, but not quite as big as an egg.  Ummmm, not that comforting, but again .... who cares?  I just want it out so that I don't have to worry about it again and we'll know for certain that it's benign.

     So that's where that stands.  As for the colitis .... I now will have the very special blessing of having my first colonoscopy done.  I am so going to throw up at the thought of the day before and all that requires thrilled.  

     So another visit to another doctor to discuss that and get the procedure scheduled.  And it has to be done before the surgery ....... just in case .......            I'm not even going there.  I'm just going to bite the bullet and get it done and move on.  

     I'd love to think that life will calm down after all of this, but that doesn't seem to be part of the deal, does it?

Always an adventure.

   

    At least I know that God is keeping me around a bit longer ...... and this is because when I came out of my room at 6:45 a.m. and said "Mornin' " to Son #3 (cuz that's all the strength I have at 6:45 a.m. after going to sleep around 3:00 a.m.) I walked through the family room and then froze.

I think I said "Holy ____!" (fill in the blank yourselves).  Son #3 looked up from his nutritious bowl of choc/peanut butter candy-flavored cereal (BEST MOM EVER!) and said, "What?".

I asked him, still frozen to the spot ..... if he had gone out the side door recently.  And I received the answer I didn't want to hear.  "No".

Our door had been left open ........ not unlocked, not ajar, not cracked ...... OPEN ...... ALL.  NIGHT.  LONG.

I just remembered that I still need a Xanax!!  Or a shot of something strong.

But I digress.

     I couldn't believe that a certain son, who shall remain numberless, went out of that door around 11:00 last night and did not shut it behind him when he came back in.  And my next thought was that I couldn't believe we still had 2 cats.  Of course my mind went straight to the cats, and not to our physical well-being, or to the loss of anything material.  Go figure.  I think I need some serious psychological help.  The cats?  Really???

     Well, as my good friend D just told me in a voice mail after getting the news from the doctor ...... it's 5:00 SOMEWHERE so have a drink!

     I think I shall heed her advice ...... and maybe use a drink to wash down a Xanax .... or 5.

OK ...... no comments on that please!  It's just a joke!   maybe

Toodles.