The above picture is the window in my office at work. My office, like my home, is full of pictures. Pictures of the kids, pictures from vacations and, since December 18, 2007, many, many pictures of Jim. Pictures of him with the kids, pictures of us as a couple, pictures from school board and business events ..... pictures that school children drew of him (remind me to post those some time .... that could be an "Ask Me Wednesday" question if someone thinks of it). So many pictures .... so many memories.Sometimes it's difficult to look at those pictures. It used to be difficult on a daily basis. It no longer is.
Yes, there are still days when I have to avert my eyes from a certain picture, but most of the time I can stop and linger at one or two, remembering back to that moment in time .... back to my "before", when I had no clue that my world would soon have an "after".
I still miss that woman.
I miss her joy and her humor.
I miss her mothering.
And of course I miss her husband.
But I'm starting to be OK with the "after" woman that I am becoming. God has grown me in so many ways these past 22 months.
I still have a sense of humor, it just doesn't always pop out at a moment's notice.
My faith is deeper.
My mothering is looser, for good or for bad.
My sense of family and true friendship is stronger, more deeply rooted.
I also fear nothing and am ready to leave this earth as soon as God calls. The thought of that brings me such peace that it's hard to describe and unless you've walked the path of grieving there's no way to "get it". I know it sounds crazy but it's not. Not with any widow I know anyway.
I'll leave that topic for my post tomorrow on "Widow's Voice".
And until that day comes, when I finally get to see my God face to face .... I will choose to live, with my memories, while making more of them.
Tomorrow is "Ask Me Wednesday", Peeps.
It's also the day that my bathroom starts being demolished.
Yep, Phase 42 of re-doing my house begins bright and early tomorrow morning.
I will definitely need the distraction of your questions.
:)
8 comments:
Good afternoon my darling daughter.
YIKES! Demolishing of the bathroom?
NOOOOOOOOO!! I'll be there next week. Where will I shower?!? What
time will the workmen be coming in
the mornings?? Sigh. I don't suppose they'll be done by next Wednesday, will they? Or the week
of Thanksgiving? I know....wishful
thinking on my part. Oh well.
I love you bunches.
You are blessing my heart. i read such strength and wisdom in your words.I could say lots of other things, but I just want you to know that I do admire you and I see such growth and love in you since I've been reading your blog and keeping up with you and your precious family. Blessings....hugs, Mary Lou
Okay, so I guess this answers my tweeting question about getting your house remodeled - I didn't think I'd heard you were moving. :) Okay, I have a question for you - when someone says this phrase to you, about your widowhood, how does it make you feel - "I'm so sorry - I can't even imagine your pain." Meaning that they feel for you & can imagine that you hurt deeply, but can't imagine HOW deep your pain must be - is that phrase comforting, or is it annoying to you??? I feel like I say things like it a lot, but I didn't know if it was annoying or offensive - what's your opinion?
Hi Mom --- I guess you'll have to use the hose in the back yard! Wait .... I think we might have one or two other showers you could probably use, if you want. :)
And I'd love to be able to tell you what time they'll be here each day ... and how many days it will take but hold on ....... I'm laughing my butt off at the moment.
........ OK ..... I'm better.
I'm hoping it will only be a couple of weeks but I'm not holding my breath.
Love you!
I enjoy reading your questions but can never think of one to ask... but not this week! My dad has Stage IV Melanoma while we've never been really close, his diagnosis in mid-July and the time after that has changed my sisters' relationship both with he and our mom. We've become closer and far more protective. So how has your relationship with your children changed over the past two years?
Shelley
Amen & Amen. jybs
I'm sorry about your loss. Beautiful post.
Thanks for being an awesome BlogFrog member. Your widget looks great.
I will agree with you...you have a lot of pictures! It is so heart warming to hear you say you can look at some and "linger" in the moment. And yes, you still have a wonderful sense of humor...I'm still laughing at your response to your mom about the hose!!
I love you!! Vicki
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