.... the second time around?After pondering this a bit .... I have to be honest.
And say yes.
Don't get me wrong .... I don't think I was a bad wife. Not at all.
Jim and I had a fantastic relationship. We loved each other more with each year that passed.
I knew that we had a better marriage .... or at least seemed happier .... than many people I knew.
We were each other's first love and I constantly felt blessed to have him in my life.
Of course we had our moments, and our struggles, but we were a team.
But even the best teams can sometimes take things for granted.
And even the best team mates can get irritated over the "little things".
But when things are going well, the best teams don't consider the possibility that the team could one day be torn apart.
If I were to marry again, though it hurts a bit to admit it, I'd be a better wife.
Because now I know .....
.... how to let the "little things" go.
.... how to not get irritated by things that used to irritate me.
.... that a wonderful relationship is nothing to be taken for granted.
.... that we can be enjoying life one day .... and grieving the next.
.... that no matter what we think, we really aren't in charge.
.... who my true friends are.
.... that a broken heart .... will not kill you (not matter how much you wish it would).
.... what it is to miss the human touch.
.... what it is to miss sex.
.... that life is way too short to spend more than 30 minutes mad at someone.
.... that when someone, or something, crosses my path .... I'm going to pay attention.
And I know that I have to live each day as it comes, as fully as possible, one day at a time .... because there is no guarantee of a next year, or next week .... or tomorrow.
These are just a few of the things that I now know .... things that widowhood has taught me.
These are just a few of the things that will make me a better wife, if I were to marry again.
But I also know this .... if I never marry again .... I'll be OK.
Because I now know that I can do anything.
Pretty much.
Happy Wednesday, Peeps.
:)
7 comments:
T.A.N.W.
So true, Janine. So true.
It is amazing the strength of the aching pain of loss.
I am happy for you in that you have come so far from the depths of despair. Always remember you have a friend in me. Glory
First time commentor, long time lurker. I believe your ability to be secure about remarrying is a true testament to Jim and the wonderful relationship you had together. Jim is always with you and looking at your life with great pride and appreciation for all that you are as a mom, partner and woman. Go forward without guilt...you deserve it.
Thanks for your honesty -- you've inspired me in many ways.
Laurie
Wow. You give us strength and hope!
So here I am once again amazed at the words and honesty you share. May God give you strength and joy in this this day a nd the days to come. love you! jybs
I haven't visited in a while so I got caught up on your latest posts. LOVED this one - wow - you still have a way of making me feel, and connecting to your story through your writing. Thanks for sharing. I will be praying for you and the needle injection thing. I would be freaking out too! This comes from someone who was kind of freaking out about the idea of putting contacts in my eyes for the first time a couple years ago -lol!! I was like, people do this all the time, but eww - who wants to touch their eyeballs?! ha ha ha! Now I do it like nothing. I hope that the shot is not painful and you get used to it quickly!! Why do you have to give yourself shots? I must have missed that. Have to go back further... So happy that you and C are happy, and that all your kids are doing well (prayers for the D3- wow - she is amazing!) Hugs!!
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