A Very Good, Quiet, Relaxing ....

.... and loving Christmas day.
Most of the kids and I are still in our pjs.  Which is a huge sign of a good day.

As you can see from the picture above, we usually have a very ..... orderly Christmas.  :)
The tradition has always been that the kids don't come downstairs until they're given the ok.  Then they come down single file, youngest to the oldest (which makes for great video).  The stockings are always lined up in age order from left to right.
We held with tradition today ..... though I sat there wondering (before they came down) how much longer we would be able to do this.  I'd like to think that one day there will be grandchildren lined up on my staircase, but it's still difficult to look into the future.
The future without Jim.

I had a good day.  Mom and D joined us for the day and we all ate and gabbed and watched Christmas movies the entire day and evening.
C and his girls came by for a bit this evening.  It's not easy to blend two families with two separate Christmas traditions and sets of expectations so it was nice to be able to spend some time with them.

I only got weepy one time (so far).  I was able to go spend some time in my room for a bit ..... thinking about Jim, missing him .... wanting him.
The thing I miss most at Christmas time is sitting in the dark living room with him, looking at the lit Christmas tree and just spending quiet time together.  We tried to do that a lot after the kids were all in bed.  Just sit and look at the tree .... and .... be.
I don't think I've sat in the living room, looking at the tree at night since he died.  It's kind of like the piano .... I glance at it, admire it for a minute .... and then quickly pass by.

On another teary note .... the girls all leave tomorrow.  The week has flown by.  I'm going to miss them (although Daughter #3 is leaving her big, ADD black lab, Jake, with us for another week).  A lot.  I'm not sure when I'll get to see Daughter #1 again ..... hopefully I'll be able to go to Baltimore in a few months to see one of her shows.

Everyone is doing well.  It's been great to have all 6 in the house.  Sons #2 and #3 have done pretty well with sharing their space again .... even though they've gotten used to having the house to themselves.
I'm glad that they've got another week before having to go back to school.  It's nice to just have them home during the day, relaxing and not stressing about school stuff.

Well, that's it for now.  Thanks for keeping us in your prayers .... it helps so much.  It's a tough season .... for many, many people.  It always seems like a relief to get past Jim's birthday (Jan 7th) and know that I've made it through.
Again.
The difference now is ..... that I know I'll make it through, whereas in the two previous years I wasn't sure .... and I didn't really want to survive.

The days are better.  Even with the tears and the hurting heart .... they're better.  I know that the tears will always be there, as will the pain in my heart.  But they won't define my days, or me.  They'll just continue to be a part of me.
And I'm good with that.
I.  Am.  Blessed.

I hope that you all had a blessed Christmas and were able to spend a little bit of time counting your blessings .... and hugging your loved ones.

Merry Christmas, Peeps.
:)