What question(s) do you wish you could've asked your husband/wife before he/she died?
Is there anything you wish you had known?
Please take the time to answer. One of my lovely Peeps asked me this. Her husband is dying and she wanted to know what I thought. I wanted to see what others had to say about this, too.
Thanks so much, Peeps, for giving your thoughts, advice, support.
And please, please keep "H" in your prayers. "Sucks" is not a strong enough word to describe what she is now, and will one day, be going through.
Have a good Thursday, Peeps.
:)
10 comments:
Prayers for "H" and (((hugs)))
Janine, I didn't lose Andy suddenly, but there are many things that, looking back, I can't figure out why I didn't ask him. Mostly little things, but now I will never find out the answers because he took them with him.
For example, "The Yellow Rose of Texas" was his favorite song, so he used to buy me yellow roses all the time. But I never asked him WHY it was his favorite. Was it because he was born there? Was it a song his dad used to sing? Such a little thing, but now I'll always wonder.
I'm sorry to hear about your friends. I will say a prayer for them.
Love,
Stella
I wish I had a chance to ask Chris what he envisioned for my life without him. What he wanted to be rememberd for, was most proud of. What made him the happiest. So that I could keep these things going after he was gone.
I also wished we had a chance to set up some signs for each other, where Chris would pick something a song, an animal, a flower, that everytime I heard/saw it, he would be him telling me hello and I love you. And I could pick something I would do or say that would show him I loved him and missed him.
JTE, as you know Lisa was taken from me very suddenly. I didn’t get to ask any questions or even get to say goodbye. I don’t think that there is anything that I wish I could have asked Lisa but there is a lot that I could have told her. Even though I had told her so many times before. I would have liked to tell her so many things, just one more time. My advise to “H” is this…
Don’t ask anything.
Do tell everything.
Tell him how much he has meant to you.
Tell him how much you love him and always will.
Tell him how thankful you are that you met and have had the time you have had.
Tell him how much you will miss his touch.
Tell him how happy he has made you.
Tell him everything…
Chris A
Went totally anxious when I tried to comment here last night...like PTSD, being with Don again as he died. It's starting again but let me say this that Chris A (comment above) said exactly and in better words what I wanted to say...I have this sadness now that I did not do this for Don...I was so caught up in the day to day care of him, in the dying of him...that I did not say the things I wanted and needed to say...now I have a million and one regrets...as Chris stated "tell him everything" everything that is in your heart! You'll never get another chance!
I have been thinking of this question a lot, and I am very fortunate to say that I really wouldn't have asked John anything, but as Chris said, I would have told him more. I do believe that John knew how very important and loved he was and I have no regrets there. The only thing that comes to mind is his password that he had online for our insurance. I never would have thought I would need something like that since he was around and knew it. Sounds strange, I know, but that is the only question I have. Hugs to you and your friend Janine, Lorry
Hard to say because Ellen and I knew each other so well. I may have asked her to write down some thoughts that our children could read later in life. I might have bought a video camera and recorded some of the normal stuff she did like praying, cooking and playing with the kids. Mostly I think that she would have liked to have had time with her family and friends visiting with them and telling them how much she loved them.
There will always be things you wish you did, but didn't, even when you have planned. Although my husband died unexpectedly from a heart attack, eight years earlier he had cancer. He survived the cancer, but while we were going through his battle, we discussed a lot of the logistical things. Looking back, though, I wish I had asked him what his favorite verse or verses were from the Bible or favorite hymn, so I could have had those at the memorial service. We discussed passages of the Bible, but I never asked about his favorites. Like Kansas Bob, I wish I had him write something to each of our children. Finally, I wish I gotten a lock of his hair or had a print or an impression in plaster of his hand. There are so many times that I wish I could place my hand in his even if was just a "symbol" of it.
I found your blog last month through an on line friend. I lost my beautiful husband one month ago yesterday. I knew yesterday would be tough but I NEVER thought it would be as bad as it was. I broke down so many times, at 5:15 when the crash occurred. At 5:49 the TOD on the certificate. I made sure I was asleep by 11:33 PM the time when the state trooper knocked on our door. This was all 3 days before Christmas. We have 6 kids as well and were married for thirty years. Still teenagers at heart though our love was amazing, refreshing and beautiful.
I'm not sure what I would have said but I do know that our last words on the phone about an hour 15 before he was killed in a head on collision were "I love you Baby". Thank God I have that, and he took that.
Thank you for this blog, I visit it everyday. It sucks to know I am not the only one, but it helps to know that the intense grieving and pain and feelings of going completely crazy are normal.
Kim from Florida
Chris A really said it all. We had always ended our phone conversations with, "I love you", and I was wracked, WRACKED with trying to recall if I had, in fact, said that at the end of our most recent (and last) phone call.
In addition, I wish I had just asked some basic questions, such as where he had taken the cars each year for their annual inspection, and a the names of a few of the handymen-types that he had used for a doing things around the house or for things outside the house.
And I feel so bad for your friend "H", for I fear she will be joining our ranks. Not a good group to join, but we are a supportive bunch. I am sure that she is already getting that support from you, Janine. Prayers and hugs.
Post a Comment