I Have Super Powers ....

(let it be known that I tried for well over an hour to design a super logo with the letter W.  Huge, huge fail)

.... and so do all widows/widowers.  This post is for you.

Some of you may be so new to this "club" that you aren't aware of your powers yet.  But you have them.  Oh you certainly have them.

In fact, the newer you are in the club, the stronger your powers are.  

And they are very, very strong.

My powers are starting to weaken, and I've lost one of them completely .... I think.

This was the power to ..... quiet a room full of people ..... just by walking into it!

I know!

But it really worked.

I also possessed the power to lower or heighten the temperature of a room of people, too, depending on what the temperature was before I entered it.

The effect I had on people was amazing.

I also had, and still do to some degree ..... the power to make people cry.

One look at me .... and they'd be off like sprinklers.

Seriously ..... one day I went into a store to buy some smaller sized clothes (the Grief Diet, you know).  It had only been a month or so since Jim died.

The woman who helped me to the dressing room knew all about me .... though I had never met her (it's a small community, I've lived here for 20 years, Jim was the school board president, yada yada yada).

As she hung up the clothes that I wanted to try on, she asked how I was doing.  I think I said something like, "Well, you know ....." and left it at that.

When I looked up at her she was crying.

Not just sniffling ..... crying.

It happened again in another store, but the woman who helped me that time was a friend.  I think she started crying when she saw me walk in.

I have sometimes used my powers to my advantage .... like letting my contractor get a more reasonable price for my kitchen granite by telling the granite owner that I was a new widow.  I totally let her play the "widow card".  And it worked (even though I shouldn't have needed to use it in the first place).  I have also given friends my permission to use this power.  You know ..... "Oh, I'm so sorry but I can't commit to that event because my friend's husband just died and I'm helping her."
I'm generous like that.

I realized early on that the biggest power I had .... and still have to this day .... is the power to totally ruin someone's day.

And by "someone", I mean a complete stranger.

I can do it in person, or I can do it over the phone.

I'm sure I could do it by e-mail and I'm positive I could do it through a text (Yes, I know this part is sounding like Green Eggs and Ham .... keep reading).

A few years ago it was almost impossible for me to not use this power.  I couldn't control it.  I was so new at this that I didn't know what else to say .... or how to react. 

It's done by simply saying, when asked about my spouse ...... "He died."  

See?  Just two little words (or some variation of them) was all it took.  I'm sure I sent many people home at the end of their work day, telling their families, "You'll never believe what I said today!".

Most people didn't deserve that from me, but some did.

Some totally asked for it.

Like a certain satellite company, which shall remain nameless (although it's synonymous with a word for a piece of table ware and a 1950's slang word for a cute girl ..... and NO, I wasn't alive in the 50's!).

Anyhow ..... I had to call them up to address a problem we were having and they asked to speak with Jim.  Yes, his name was on the account (his name was on ALL of the accounts .... so. much. fun.), but I was the only one who had ever called them .... to set up service and to make changes to our service.  I replied that no, they could not talk to him, but that shouldn't be a problem because they never had talked with him.

That didn't work.  This woman insisted that she had to get the OK from him.  We went back and forth a few times but she wouldn't stop being persistent so I finally said, "Look.  You can't talk to him.  It would be very difficult for you to talk to him because he's dead. He died a few months ago.  OK?  NOW will you let me tell you about my TV issue?!".

She was very, very sorry.

But evidently not sorry enough to make a note of Jim's demise.

Because it happened again, just a few weeks later.

And then ..... seriously, I kid you not ..... it happened a third time.  The third time was the last straw for me.  Too bad it just happened to be a nice-sounding young man who was holding that last straw.  I started crying and being angry the moment he asked to speak to Jim.  In fact, I'm not even sure that he got the whole question out before I went nuts.

Of course he felt horrible, but at least he DID make a note of it in the "system".  It was the last time they asked for him.

Now that I've had more experience on this path .... I've learned to have some control over this power.

Just a couple of weeks ago I could've trashed the day of a lively-sounding young woman who seems to gleefully work for my insurance company.

I called to drop one of the kids from my auto policy (because she has a job and a home and everything!  Can you hear the Hallelujah Chorus?!).  As this happy woman was looking at my info on her computer she said, ever so merrily ..... "Tell James happy birthday!"

I was stunned .... almost too stunned to be coherent.  I mean .... come on!  It's been over 3 years!  So I stammered, "Who?  James?  The one who's birthday is January 7th?" (because all 3 of our sons have James as their middle name, so I was giving her a little room to get out of this), but she replied ..... "Yes!" 

You'd be surprised at how many phrases can fly through your mind in a couple of nano seconds.  As I reflected over each one ..... and almost went with, "Well, that would be a bit hard to do since half of his ashes are in Oklahoma and half are at a lake in Texas!"

But I didn't.  

I stopped .... and thought, as I have many times in the past, "I really don't want to ruin her day."

And so I just said, "......OK." and left it at that.

Super powers.

We widows possess them (I'd love to read about some of yours).

But we have to learn to control them.

And use them only for good.

Or ..... in extreme cases ..... for payback.

:)