Full of dreams that never come true.
Full of hopes that are never brought to fruition.
Full of expectations .... that are never met.
And I wonder .... if therein lies the rub.
Expectations.
Why do we have them?
How do we let them go?
And how do they differ from dreams ..... or hopes?
I think I'm a pro at being hurt because of my own expectations.
I wish I weren't.
But I also think .... that I'm getting a little better at seeing them .... and either letting them go before I get hurt, or realizing that they are the reason I hurt.
So, in a way, I'm growing.
Maybe one day I'll have no expectations at all.
But then, is that really a good thing?
I'm not sure.
But life is full.
Of expectations, yes.
But also of things for which to be thankful.
In spite of the hurt.
In spite of the losses.
In spite of ..... well, just in spite of, I guess.
Here are some more of the things for which I am thankful.
In spite of.
#12. Seeing a full rainbow. The first one I saw was when I with Jim, on the way to his parents' farm in Oklahoma. The most amazing one was the one I saw in a small village in Kenya, upon arriving at the clinic where we would be working for a week. It stood behind the clinic .... as if God was showing us His joy for this place and these people .... and sharing it with us.
#21. Feeling the rush of adrenaline on a zip line when you FINALLY let go.
#23. The possibilities of a newly-opened journal, the pages not yet easily yielding to the turn.
#18. The silky soft belly of a purring kitten next to you in the dark of the night.
#11. Watching what can only be called "artistry" when Roger Federer plays tennis.
If you haven't seen the video for chapter 5 of One Thousand Gifts, I warn you ..... it's difficult and yet wonderful all at the same time. I cried through the whole thing. But I also found that chapter difficult and yet wonderful to read.
Life is hard.
We cannot always be thankful for the horrific events that come our way .... or our loved ones' way.
But we can be thankful that, even if we can't feel Him .... God is there. Even in the darkest dark, inkiest black .... He is there.
And He will never leave.
I promise.
Happy Monday, Peeps.
:)
4 comments:
Goodness woman!! I am just now getting caught up on your blog and you just need to calm down!!! Enough of the the non-graceful body plant, and panic attacks...(like you did any of it on purpose) Hope you are feeling better today and that the Panic attacks don't come back. Have had one in my lifetime and that is enough, can't imagine 5 in one day. Hope your stay in Baltimore was good and D#1 (almost typed her name) is doing well! I saw her interview on little bros FB page. Tooo cool! Miss you tons and love you even more than that! Mmmmmmaaawwwwww!
Hi Janine,
Just stopping in from Ann's.
I saw a rainbow last week in winter weather.. not common ~ so it was fun to see!
I loved your gratitude for the kitten's warmth during the night... pets are so special and such gifts.
I enjoyed your message at the end about God being there too, in the darkest of times.
Very true and so important to remember.
I noticed the comment above about panic attacks. I used to get them when my children were little and I was driving on multiple lane interstates {only then, interestingly and thank goodness} ... I remember feeling like, "if I could only just pull over and wait, wait for no cars." It was overwhelming. I'd drive 45 in a 65. not a good idea.
One day, I heard Dr. Joy Brown talking about them... she said that only one extra breath will cause hyperventilation. The best way to ease a panic attack is to do square breathing. Out of sheer NEED, I tried this and it worked. It didn't calm all my fears, but it really helped.
After a time, I no longer had them. I am grateful for this!
Wishing you a wonderful week*
so glad to have stopped by ~
Maria
I love this entry, Janine...so much to be thankful for!
I’m here from Ann’s, I know it’s Friday – but these thank you lists are not only amazing but they take a long time to read – and comment on :) I still won’t get to them all – and I’m sorry I’m late to yours.
Of your list this one is my favorite one: #18. The silky soft belly of a purring kitten next to you in the dark of the night. (because my silky soft belly’s name is Laska the love kitty – and that purr – earthshaking – and when they give you their belly it means trust – they think of us as safe – I heart this)
And Amen “In spite of the hurt. In spite of the losses.”
Your list made me smile. Smiles are good. Thank you.
God Bless you and all of yours
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