And So It Dropped ....

.... the "other shoe" that is.

Maybe my mission in life is to keep writing, so that all of you will be thankful for your lives. And grateful that you're not me.

I went in to see my regular dr last week, the day before my surgery. It was my regular 6 month check up, where we make sure my cholesterol meds are doing their job and not attacking my muscles or liver. All looked well on that front.

Then I told her that I thought something was wrong with me, very wrong. I explained to her how my joints started hurting about 3 months ago, when I went off all hormone-related meds. I told her that I had to have a ring re-sized because my knuckle, but not my finger, had gotten bigger in those 3 months. I also told her that the pain is getting worse and worse and that I had been absolutely miserable on the cruise. Yes, I had done a lot of walking, but I watched everyone else in our group and no one seemed to hurt the way I did. Not even my mom, who's 19 years older than I am!! In fact, I was the youngest person in our group. I hurt every day and never feel better. I haven't said much about it because, well because I thought for a while that this was just going to be my "normal" and, even though I play tennis a few times a week, I must be in really bad shape.

My doctor looked at my blood results again, and then said what figured she'd say, "Well no wonder! You're smack in the middle of menopause.". Great. But at least I had an answer. I had anticipated this answer because the other day I Googled "women and arthritis" and "menopause" appeared. I'd never heard this symptom associated with menopause before. So I felt a bit of relief at reading that, even though 8 months ago my body showed not one solitary clue that "the CHANGE" was approaching. Not one.
My body is strange.

So she looked at me, I looked at her and then she shrugged and said, "Sorry".
Sorry?! For what?! I guess she forgot that I am her patient who just knew I'd be standing in the "ladies aisle" at the grocery store, at the age of 80, wondering what tampon brand to buy that month. No sorries needed!!
Then she added, "Just to be certain, I'm ordering an arthritis work up on you,though I know it'll be negative."
I haven't thought about that since I left her office.
Then the shoe dropped.

Her office called me last night.
I was busy trying to talk to someone who's cell kept dropping and had my sister calling on my other phone so I wasn't paying close attention. In fact, it took me so long to answer that my answering machine came on at the same time I said "Hello."
We both waited until my recorded voice stopped and then she said she had test results to talk to me about and did I want to go turn off my answering machine. I said no, not really listening to her.
Then she said it again ... "We got your test results.".
Test results? I had no idea what she was talking about. What test? I was just about to tell her that I thought she had the wrong person when she said, "It came back positive.". Still confused I said "What?".
She said, "I'm sorry. It's positive. You have rheumatoid arthritis." I think I said .... Ok. Then she told me that I needed to see a specialist and gave me the name and number of one my doctor likes.
I wrote it down, said thanks and hung up.
And then started talking to my friend who's cell was now working again at that very moment.
And I didn't think of it again until much later last night.

I didn't know much about rheumatoid arthritis. Nothing, really.
And now ...... now I wish that still didn't know anything about it. I wish, very much, that I had no reason to research it.

The shoe that dropped .... was more like a combat boot.