Or at least, will not be able to do well.
1. Eat
(OK, yes, I'm being a little dramatic here. Of course I'll be able to eat, but not everything. For example, I won't be able to eat corn on the cob, dang it, and I love corn on the cob. Nor will I be able to eat anything that needs to be cut into pieces, like a steak. But if there's no one around I guess I could just pick up a whole steak and eat it like a cave man.)
2. Put deodorant on under my left arm. Don't try to picture it .... it's ugly.
3. Type.
4. Write.
5. Floss
6. Sign anything .... like when checking out at the grocery store, pharmacy, etc. If someone sends you a check written by me .... it wasn't me, so trash it.
7. Blog
8. Clasp my bra behind my back. So I guess I'll have to go the old fashioned put-it-on-upside-down-and backwards way and then turn it around. If I can get my arm through it.
9. Paint my toenails.
10. Butter my toast. Or anything else.
11. Change a tire.
What?! It could happen.
12. Have sex.
That was just to see if you're still paying attention.
13. Put on pantyhose.
It's a dang good thing I don't wear those.
14. Scoop ice cream.
15. Cook.
Whatever.
16. Change the cat litter.
17. Fold laundry.
18. Ride a bike.
19. Go fishing.
20. Put on make up.
21. Use chopsticks.
And yes, I can use them. With my right hand. I guess I could use one and just try to stab whatever I'm eating. Although I probably won't be able to do that very well, either. Which brings another item to mind ....
22. Stab anyone.
Which is probably a really good thing.
23. Clean a toilet.
Darn.
24. Play tennis.
(Huge sob here)
25. Put on a watch.
So please don't expect me to get anywhere on time.
26. Squirt the water bottle at my cat when he goes where he's not supposed to go. He's going to take advantage of that.
27. Get up from a prone position on the floor.
Hey, you never know!
28. Give someone the Heimlich maneuver.
You might not want to eat with me. Then you not only get the chance to survive, but you also don't have to watch me try to stab my food with a chop stick.
29. Play the banjo.
30. Pass the physical to join the fire department.
I could go on and on, but I won't.
Not now anyway.
Maybe I'll come back on line later tonight and post some additional items.
I think I've run all of the errands and given enough blood to my doctors (had more drawn today). I've paid the bills, done some laundry and cleaned the kitchen.
The hospital just called and said that my doctor changed the surgery time, from 7:30 to 9:30, so yay for not having to be there at 6 a.m. Now I'm supposed to be there at 8:00. Much better.
Hopefully I've made you smile. Not just today but .... ever.
If so, then it's your turn.
I could use all the smiles I can get, so it would be great if you'd tell me something funny.
Or nice.
Or hilarious.
Or juicy.
Or .... just say hi.
I won't be able to type but I'll still be able to read (depending upon how drugged up I am, which I hope is a significant amount).
So drop me a comment or seven to make me smile .... or to just give me something to take my mind off of my shoulder .... and of my inept left-handedness.
Thanks, Peeps. I'll try to send Twitters when I can.
Only if you promise to not laugh at my spelling, grammar, etc. when I've only got one hand to tap with.
Happy Thursday.
:)
12 comments:
Let's hope you dont get any mosquito or yellow fly bites on your left arm as you won't be able to scratch them.
These are big problems were we live.
Look at me, 2 comments in 3 weeks. I guess I'm getting brave and escaping "lurkdom"
Hope it goes well for you tomorrow.
Janine, Your comments made me laugh out loud. Here's something that may make you smile: you'll still be able to throw a "mean" left hook, so let everyone beware. I'll be thinking of you and praying that you heal quickly and completely. I guess I'm no longer a lurker. Hugs, Jo Ann PS You'll only be able to give one-armed hugs. :-)
In regards to #12, the amputees manage it! Suck it up, chica!
Haven't made a comment in a loong time so thought I'd write a helpful hint for you to read while you're recovering. Saw your note about spraying the cat with water for discipline. We put pennies in an empty soda can and taped it closed over the top. We have these placed in strategic locations throughout the house, and shake it loudly when she does something we don't want her to do. It totally works!!! It stops the behavior, doesn't ruin furniture like water can, and isn't inhumane. She's 9 yrs old and a very well behaved cat, doesn't get on tables or counters, etc. She hates the sound of "the can" and will usually stop the behavior with the first clink!!
Good luck with the cat AND with the surgery...hope you have a speedy recovery!!
Remedy for #5...those little floss picks. Last year I broke my right arm one week and the next week, broke my left hand in 3 places. You will learn to work around lots of these. The thing that drove me crazy was that I could not drive.
I would go out to eat with friends and after I ordered, I would realize that I could not cut my meat...your friends will gladly do it!
Typing is not bad with one hand, just a little slow. You will do fine. Please let us know that you are ok as you are able.
I may not sound very sympathetic with my comment but here goes:
Who would want to play tennis in this heat and humidity anyway? Seriously,
I would love an excuse not to exercise right now when it is so blasted hot!
Also, you forgot #31 that you cannot use a corkscrew to open a wine bottle either but alas, you can push the button on a blender!
Love you!
yes you made me laugh! which you do on quite a regular basis; one of the reasons I check your blog so often, helps me through many a day!
hmmm no laundry, no cooking, no changing cat litter, no cleaning toilets, you almost make having surgery sound like a good idea!
One handed typing isn't that bad; I made it through an entire semester of grad school when I had my wrist casted pre and post surgery for many months. Hope you will be able to get out a few words so we know you are okay!
oh and here is something that might make you laugh: has nothing to do whatsoever with your surgery but.....my son (who is 13) told me the other day that he thought it would be "okay" if I started dating (will be 3 years since my husband died on the 17th of this month). But when his sister voiced her objections he quickly added, "but she is 50 so no one would be interested anyhow"!!!!! Really wasn't feeling that 50 was that old.......
Many prayers coming your way!
So as to #29, could you play the bango if you had the use of both arms or are you just playing the sympathy thing to the best of your ability? Inquiring minds want to know :) I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, saying some extra prayers, and looking forward to meeting you next Friday!
H2
Hey there sista! Let me just say that at least 1/3 of the stuff on your list you didn't like to do anyway so no big loss there. ;p I wish you the best today and will be praying for you. I love you more than words can say.
hi
(my shift key works sporadically so forgive any lack of punctuation or capitalization)
another one of your lurkers
good luck with your surgery and recovery
i will include you in my prayers
Something to hopefully make you laugh...
Oldie but a goodie……………..
*_WHEN TO START CUSSING_! *
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass'."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"*
One more....
An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a beautiful young thing across the gym.
He asked the trainer that was near by..."What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"
The trainer looked him up and down and said,
"I would try the ATM in the lobby"
Best of luck with your surgery!!
a friend of a friend broke both arms when she slipped on the ice this past winter...she couldn't wipe....i'd say you have it easy. :)
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