Like Sand Through The Hour Glass ....

.... so are the white sandy beaches of Destin.

It's beautiful here.
And hot.
Quite hot.
So it's a good thing I live in south Texas and am used to heat and 143% humidity.

But the beaches are beyond beautiful.
And that is something that is never, ever said about the beaches in Texas.
Well, unless one loves brown sand ..... and water.
But hey .... at least we have a beach.
:)

My friend D and I flew down/over here on Saturday.
It was ...... hmmmmm, I'm trying to think of a good word here ..... (because you all know that I type as I think .... which would probably make for a very bad book) ..... let's say that Saturday was epic.
Yes, epic.
No, I don't know why I'm using that word.  It's not like that day was anything like a Cecil B. DeMille movie or anything.
No parting of any sea occurred.

But it seemed kind of epic in how many things could go wrong in just a few hours.
Nothing huge.
Just .... hugely irritating.
And frustrating.

It all started with our arrival at the lovely George Bush Intercontinental Airport (we down here still just call it "Intercontinental").
D and I had already printed off our boarding passes so we headed to security.
Where a woman who loves her job very, very much was waiting for us.
Yes, Peeps ..... that was dripping with sarcasm.

This woman, whom I will now refer to as UCF (Ultimate Control Freak) kept yelling out to all of the innocent people waiting in line, "Take everything out of your pockets!!  Wallets! Coins! Phones! EVERYTHING!!!"
She was the pocket gestapo.
I had no pockets so I just put all of my stuff on the conveyor belt and went through the simple security check.
D, however, was caught red handed.
And made to pay the price.

She carried, in her back pocket ....... are you ready?  It was horrible, really....  prepare yourselves ..........
her boarding pass.

Yes, she had a folded piece of paper in the pocket of her jeans.
And UCF was P***ED off!
To put it mildly.
D's family has no idea how close they came to never seeing her again.
It was kind of like a scene out of "Midnight Express".

She squinted at D and snarled (she may have even had a bit of spittle down the corner of her mouth) .... "Got anything in your pockets?",  to which D answered .... as she removed it and showed UCF ...., "Only my boarding pass."
That's when it seemed that UCF's head spun around.
And a demonic voice came out of her mouth.
(Why yes, I did major in Theatre .... why do you ask?)
"I TOLD YOU TO TAKE EVERYTHING OUT OF YOUR POCKETS!!!  Now you have to go through here!! ..... and she pointed to the new-ish security scan cubicle where some person sitting in a closet can see your inner-most thoughts .... and body parts.
D looked at her and said, "It's a piece of paper.  It's just a piece of paper."
I'm glad that I was in the other line, where all of the "good" people went and was busy putting my shoes on and my things back inside my bag or I would have surely been undone by what seemed to be D's imminent demise .... or imprisonment.
UCF snarled again .... only snarlier .... "I.  Said.  EVERYTHING!"
I think D may have muttered something about never having had to do that before, but I'm guessing that since she's sleeping in the bed next to me at the moment, whole and healthy .... she kept those words pretty quiet.

So just beware ..... if you ever have to go through security at IAH in the A terminal ..... the war lord(ess) of security works there.
Or maybe just a woman who longs to run up the corporate ladder .... all the way to the C terminal.
Either way, she's a very bitter woman.

After passing through there with all limbs and tongues intact (see: "Midnight Express") we headed to our gate to take what was ..... and would be ..... our first and final trip with US Air.
I'm not sure I have ever been through a slower boarding process in my life.
I think I could've stood in line, stepped out of line, caught a cab, gone home, made a loaf of bread, caught another cab back to the airport, gone through security hell with absolutely nothing in my pockets, and stepped back in line ..... before they were ready to board my row.
(Yes, a Theatre major .... quit asking me!)

US Air likes to call their row sections "Zones".
D and I were in Zone 5.  Out of 5.
Which means that we were totally screwed.
Even though we had seats in row 14.

Zones 1 and 2 got on the plane.
In about 30 minutes.
Maybe there was some test you had to take to get into Zone 1 and I missed that.
It must've been a test to prove you have the speed of a sloth.
And .... that you can take up all of the overhead space with your baggage ... or maybe just with lots of small articles.  Like bananas.  Or sweaters.  Or tiny backpacks.

Because before the first part of Zone 3 could even get on the plane .... the overhead bins were full.
And so they announced that everybody else ..... two thirds of the flight .... would have to have their bags checked.
And the grumbling commenced.
Because if you're like me ..... I pack a carry on to ..... oh, I don't know ....... CARRY ON!!  I had my medications, my Kindle, my toiletries, my make up ..... and my clothes .... in my carry on.  I did not want those things taken away from me.
But .... I got past that.
And we all waited ..... in now a much slower line, so that we could get the little gate-checked tags put onto our carry ons/un-carry ons.
But, as I finally made it to the front of the line I saw that they were not gate-checking our bags.  Nope, they were putting  baggage tags on them and checking them through to our final destination.
Only, they never announced that.
So ..... there was no time to grab the important I-don't-want-to-lose items out of our bags.
I managed to get my Kindle out of the front pocket, but that was it.  And then my bag was gone.
My nice, never-before-thrown-into-the-belly-of-a-plane-bag.

And it was at that moment that I knew.
I will never use this airline again.
As God is my witness ..... I, nor any of my kin, will ever go hungry ...... ummmmm ... wait .... (sorry, went a bit off there) ...... will ever fly US Air again.
And that was only the beginning.

Seeing that it is now 1:08 a.m. I am going to end this post.
And leave you wanting more.
Well, hopefully.

Peace out, Peeps.
And happy Tuesday.
:)