Doing Something ....

.... a bit different.
At least for me.
Here.

I am re-posting.
I don't usually do this here.
In fact, I'm not sure that I've ever done it here ..... no, that's not true.  I think I may have posted the infamous "What Not to Say" post more than once.
It needed that.
As does this one.
In my opinion.

So here you go.
A post from October of 2008 .... 10 months after Jim died.
I hope you like it ..... again, or .... for the first time.


"Masks Aren't Just For Halloween"


Here is Jim with Son #3 around (or on) Halloween 1996.  He was my little teddy bear.  And so was Son #3!


So it is the time of Halloween.  Many of our neighbors out-do a lot of the Christmas-decorated houses.  Seems rather strange to me.  I mean, I liked it when I was a kid (not so much as a parent) and I always wanted one of the store-bought costumes because they came with a mask.  Not like some homemade costume (which I realized as a I got older, was much better than those cheapie store costumes).
It had something to do with the mask.  Heck, it had everything to do with the mask.  We love wearing masks!  Even those cheap plastic ones that make your face sweat and make your speech difficult to understand.  And then there were those tiny eye holes!
Anyway, I think we still love masks.  You can be whomever you want to be --- behind a mask --- and no one knows the real you.  We hide behind them all of the time, don't we?
There's the "mom" mask that you wear when go you volunteer at your child's school.  Holy cow, there are a ton of those masks -- some of them are HUGE!
There's the "Sunday morning church" mask, which we manage to throw on very quickly as we're getting out of the car -- right after we've yelled at the kids.
Then there's that big ol' mask that we put on for our parent/teacher conferences!  There's a lot of sweating going on behind that mask.
There are masks we put on as children ... the ones that help us to stay alive among the "pack". The ones that help us fit in; or the ones that say "I'm rubber, you're glue" -- those masks are the hardest to wear --- the tears make them slip down a lot.
There are several"teenage masks", "college masks", "young adult masks" ...... wow, you should see the stock of "dating masks" that are out there!
But they pale in comparison to the number of "parenting masks".  There are a few you can get for your pregnancy --- if you have the energy to wear one.  But most of them are designed to be worn from day one of being a parent.  You know some of them -- the "I totally LOVE being a mommy" mask, the "I am SO in control of my new life",  "I have the perfect baby" mask, "yes, he/she sleeps through the night and I feel great!" mask ...... I could go on and on.
Of course we change the masks several times during a day, week, month, year.  It's amazing to me that our homes are big enough to hold all of them.
There are a lot of "marriage masks" out there, too.  I think the biggest seller is the "we have the greatest marriage" mask.
This post would be a novel if I keep this up, but I think you get the idea.
I think it's very freeing to burn your masks.  I've learned to burn several of them since Jim died. I just don't have the energy to look through my closet, choose the right one, and then put it on.  Most of them are very heavy.  I just can't do it much.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I still have several waiting around in my closet ..... some are newer than others, but I think that I'm at least more aware of them now so that I don't just put them on automatically.
I hope that I can keep tossing them out.
It would be nice to live in a mask-less society.
Or would it?