I have no idea how long this "while" will be.
It could be one day.
It could be one month.
I have no answers.
And I have no reasons that I'm able to give to you.
Just know that I am overwhelmed at the moment with a very personal situation and I need to let some things go in order to not drown.
I need to be able to focus on little more than my home and family for a while.
Please know that I am fine.
My health is good.
My children are all healthy.
This is not a life or death thing .... but it is a life-changing thing and I need to do all I can to make sure that the change that has to happen, will be a change for good.
In spite of me having absolutely no control.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I can't tell you more.
But I truly can't.
Not now.
Maybe some day, but maybe never.
I wish Jim were here.
Maybe I'd still be dealing with this, maybe not.
But at least I'd have his hand to hold and his shoulder to cry on and his arms to wrap me up in security and love and encouragement.
And his voice would say, "Everything is going to be alright."
He's probably still saying that .... but in my book, it's a hell of a lot easier to say "Everything's going to be alright." when you're not having to live with it.
Or, when you're in heaven.
I'm pretty sure that everything looks pretty hunky-dory in heaven.
Damn it.
I still get e-mails so if you'd like to contact me that's the best way.
I don't plan on spending much time on line, here or on Face Book.
Or on the phone.
But I do have a favor to ask.
I would like your prayers ..... very, very much.
Prayers for peace.
Prayers for wisdom.
Prayers for acceptance.
For my family, for me.
And prayers that I'd be able to stop chewing the hell out of my cheek would be great.
Thanks, Peeps.
So much.
I'll be back.
I promise.
:)
15 comments:
Please know you will be missed by this lurker. I enjoy reading your blog very much. It may sound crazy but I find comfort in reading how you deal with your days. My life has many ups and downs and your survival helps me get thru my difficult days too. Right now I live on the coast of NC and we are dealing with lots of flooding sound water and thick gooey muck. I am fortunate I only lost "stuff" but its still hard to cart your life to the curb. Many who live in my community lost alot more. I wish you well and will look forward to your return.
Janine: I too will miss your blog; I have commented many times how you have helped me so much on my "journey" of widowhood. You will most definitely have my prayers, for peace, wisdom, acceptance, strength, courage, whatever it is you and your family need. God Bless you and your children. I wish you well and look forward to the day when you are again brightening so many of our lives with your blogging.
Beth
Janine, HUGS!!
Janine,
I'm so sorry to read that you're going through a difficult time. Praying for peace & wisdom. I'll miss reading your posts. Please let us know that you're doing okay from time to time, okay?
Amanda
Whatever it is, praying for peace and strength! Will miss you!
Much love!
you will be missed by me - i hope all goes well for you and family - know that i will be thinking about you - hope we hear from you again
I think I've only commented one other time on your blog, but I'm coming out of "lurkdom" to say you will be missed! I pray you are able to find peace and strength through whatever you are going through. Thanks for sharing your life with us!
~Nicole
Janine,
I will be thinking of you and hope you and your family are doing well. I enjoy reading your blog (I too am a widow) and will look forward to your return.
Paula
I am here, as I always am, Janine. Let me know if talking would help.
Prayers being sent your way Janine!!! We'll miss you...hurry back!
Patty
I will miss you---the first thing I turn to each morning. Prayers.
Another lurker... I will keep you in my prayers.
I am so sorry but truly understand the need to re-focus...focus on the more important things in your live. I can honestly say I understand because God had me experience the same situation recently...Why God did that, I have no clue as it tested me in so many ways, so many emotions, some harmful. I am weak, very weak and I was made to open my eyes wide...wider than I wanted to in order to survive the many emotions thrown my way. I am no longer blind-no matter what or who is effected because God provided me with a short but strong piece of rope to hold on to.
I have only commented a few times and have 'lurked' for almost a year. I love reading your blog and am sad that it won't be here to uplift or give me some insight into to my own thoughts BUT am sadder still that you and your family are having to deal with yet another overwhelming time in your life. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your whole family while you traverse and focus on your issues at hand. Much love and I do hope you return soon - I will miss you immensely.....
Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
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