I Am Beyond ......

.... exhausted.
I slept well the first few nights at J and L's, but Wed night I did not fall asleep until after 4:30. I'm guessing it's the meds.
 Poor L, we had an error of comedies, though it wasn't funny at the time. I had intended to be at the hotel by 10 am and then the night before said I'd get there by noon. After not much sleep, I decided to just play it by ear, thinking that they had nothing planned for the day, other than picking up J's car, which they could do on the way to the hotel.
 I didn't realize that L had made a swim date with one of S's friends at 1:00. Then when she told me I thought "ok, I guess I'll leave when they head to the pool", not thinking that L had to be the one to drop J and I off at the car shop.
 Yes, I can be a moron.
 So imagine her shock when, at noon, I told her that I was going to get in the shower, so I didn't want her to leave before I got out. She said, "What?", so I repeated my request. That's when she told me, trying to speak calmly, that I had to leave with her,since she was dropping us off and then coming back for the pool date.
Oh.
Oh, my! I had not even begun to pack.
I'm not sure I'll be invited back.

It all worked out, though we had to drop S off at the pool with the other mom while L dropped us off at the car shop, with me offering up apologies the entire trip. Oh, I also had to apologize for, thinking that my DP bottle was tightly capped, dripping it on her carpet as I drug my suitcases out into the hall.
L only has one child .... who isn't very messy.
Nuff said.
Again, I may have to skip my annual visit next year.
Dang it.
It's a good thing she loves me.

BTW, please do your best to ignore any spelling errors ....I'm on my iPad and trying to type quickly, so there will be many.

Yesterday the board members who were here met up for awhile in M's suite. Yes, it's a suite and it totally rocks.
Then I met up with Matt and met his famous daughter, Maddie, who is currently in the "everything is opposite" phase, which she finds hysterical. She called me a boy.
I'm not talking to her at the moment.
Like she cares. :)

Ok .... I have to run. Another board member and I are presenting a workshop in 10 minutes to all of the "new campers". Then I hope to finish this post and take a nap. Ha! Whatever.
It is now 2:48, my tme. I was supposed to be eating lunch just now. Instead, I typed. I rarely do what's expected of me, do I?
I think it makes life much more interesting. At least for me.
Others? Not so much.

It is now 6:36 pm and this is the first time I've been to my room all day.
The presentation went great.  I think they had a lot of fun, which makes it great for me.  This is a conference for widowed people.  There are some here who have been widowed less than 3 months.
Yes, seriously.
So there is not a lot for them to smile about.
And yet they've smiled.  Most likely surprising themselves.
I am amazed that they're here.
And give them a lot of credit for that.
I'm not sure I was even capable of forming a sentence at less than three months, let alone able to get on a plane by myself and join a bunch of strangers for a weekend.

So it went well and helped energize me.
I'm feeling less exhausted.
It's not only physical exhaustion that gets to me .... it's emotional, too.
While this IS my passion, working with other widowed people and yes, I do feel 100% that I have been "called" to do this, it can still "get" to me.
And the tears still come ... for others and what they're experiencing.
And for what is yet to come for them.

The tears here are rarely for me.
Until I see the "tribute tile" on a wall with many, many others.
They are pictures of our loved ones.  We sent them in and they make a tile out of the picture and put them on the Tribute Wall.
Here's the one I used this year:

I.
So.
Miss.
This.
Man.

Still.

And I miss my kids.  Very much.
But I'm glad to be here.

I'm supposed to be at the evening reception now.
But I needed a few moments to just .... be.
And to finish this post.

And now I have finished it.
So I guess I'll put my work shirt back on and head down to the reception.
And meet more amazing people.

I must say that it's so crazy and wonderful to have people come up and hug me because they recognize me from my blog, or from the Widow's Voice blog, or from Widowed Village.
Crazy, wonderful and very, very humbling.
Humbling to hear what they think of my writing .... of my words.  The ones that just come out of my fingertips and onto my keyboard.
The ones that I give very little thought to, but which explain how I'm feeling .... or how I've felt .... during this "after".
I am blessed.
Beyond words.

So goodbye for now, Peeps.
I wish more of you were here.
Well, only the widowed ones.
The rest of you would just think .... well, I'm not sure what you'd think.
You'd most likely be very, very surprised.
But I hope you never find out.
:)

To you other Peeps, the ones on this path .... I hope that you can make it out here some time.
We plan to do two next year.  One in San Diego in August.
And one in the spring .... on the east coast.
We just let that cat out of the bag today.
I'm excited.
Not sure which state yet, maybe one of the lower ones ..... like the very lowest, but still not certain.
More to come on that later.

Take care, Peeps and Happy Friday.
:)