Trust Is A Terrible Thing ....

.... to waste.

I used to trust people more.
I think I did, anyway.
Or maybe .... I used to trust more people.
The list of people in whom I trust has been whittled down over the last few years.
But the ones in whom I trust, receive a lot of my trust.

I usually think the best of people.  Most people.
And I don't think I've regretted that, overall.

I know people who usually think the worst of others.
And I feel badly for them.
I'd hate to go through life thinking that most people are just out to "pull one over" on anyone they can.
Even if/when I do come across one who does.
I don't think the bad in people outweighs the good.

But I do hate to have my trust wasted.
Especially when it's one of my children who's wasted it.

Because while trust is a gift I've learned to give fully (though to fewer people) ....
It's a gift that, once wasted, is very, very hard to give again.

Last week was a difficult week.
Actually, that's putting it mildly.
My trust was wasted.
My disappointment was, and is, huge.

But .... as I and my children have learned .... life goes on.
That's not always a positive thing.
Not when you're grieving what was, and everything around you keeps pushing forward.

But when mistakes are made .... and we all know that we've each made plenty of mistakes .... the fact that life goes on is mostly positive.
Hopefully .... and this is a HUGE "hopefully" .... we learn from our mistakes.
And we choose to not repeat them.
Hopefully.

But another thing I've learned these past few years is that I have very little control over most things in and around my life.
Including, and especially, the choices my children make.
As do most parents .... even if they don't realize it .... yet.

This "lack of control" can sometimes really suck when I am the one who has to deal with the consequences.
It's these "sucky times" that tend to bring out my ire towards Jim.
Yes, that ire is irrational.
But so is having the love of your life, the father of your children, the person whom you trusted more than anyone else in the world, die .... leaving you as an only parent (which is MUCH different that a single parent).
So, misplaced ire?  Yes.
Do I care?  Not so much.

Last week was a week of dealing with consequences.
Part 1.
Part 2 will occur a few weeks down the road.
I.
Can.
Hardly.
Wait.

By Friday, I was SO OVER dealing with anything that I decided to just leave for a few days.
I think it was a smart move.
I've been holed up at the lake.
By myself.
And it's been great.
I have spent some time with Mom and D, which I always enjoy, but for the most part I've been hibernating.
And not dealing with consequences.
Or wasted trust.

Hopefully this will help me start fresh tomorrow .... when I return home .... to reality.
And to attempting to teach someone that wasted trust takes a very long time to earn again.

Blessedly, life moves forward.
I am choosing to move forward.
I am choosing to keep this within my family.
I am choosing to hope that my trust will be earned, slowly but surely.

Lessons can be learned.
Mistakes can be wake up calls .... for change.

That's my prayer anyway.
And I ask you to pray it for me.
For us.
As we hopefully move forward.

Thanks, Peeps.
And special, deep, heart-felt thanks for those of you who've commented, e-mailed, texted, called and commented on FB.
I was surprised by the number of you.
And how much you care.
You bless me.
Very much.

Happy Sunday/Monday/Labor Day.