Incredibly quiet.
Not that there aren't things bubbling, boiling and brewing under the surface .... but out on top, it's quiet.
And quiet is nice.
Son #2 came back to town on Saturday, after a very long, very wide awake bus trip.
He has moved in with a friend and is starting to map out a new plan.
He came over Sunday night.
We had a wonderful visit!
He came over to pack up some of his clothes and various sundries. He started to walk straight upstairs after hugging me hello (his friend B was with him) and I said, "Hey! Come and sit down so we can catch up. Plus I want to hear what you're thinking."
So we all sat down and he mostly talked. I mostly asked questions.
He seemed very happy. And very, very "light". If you know Son #2 then you know that he hasn't often felt "light" during his 19 years here.
So it was wonderful to watch him talk, watch him think .... and watch him feel relaxed.
While I am disappointed in the choice he made to leave the Marines, it may turn out to be that it was the best choice for him.
And while it broke my heart to tell him he could no longer live at home, it appears that that was INDEED, the best choice for him. He's already feeling more independent and knowing that he, and he alone, has to make decisions now, seems to be just what he needed. He seems to have matured over night.
I really don't think he'd come back home now, even if I asked him.
He's excited about his future, about finding a job which will hopefully allow him to take some classes at our local community college ..... and just about life in general.
He seems very realistic about how difficult this will be, but the kid has ALWAYS been able to rise to, and far above, a challenge .... if he wanted to.
He knows that I did this because I love him ... and thought it was the best thing for him. And he loves me still.
He knows that I'm here to encourage him .... always .... and to help him without enabling him.
He knows that I will always be here to listen and that I will never, EVER stop loving him.
No.
Matter.
What.
All of my children know that. They've been told often enough.
And they've seen it enough.
They may go through tough periods when they don't think they believe it, but deep down, they know it's true.
So while parenting is never easy .... or ever will be easy .... thank God for the moments when you can just sit and watch your child .... and know that, for now, he's right where he should be, doing what he should be doing, and he's feeling confident about himself and his ability to handle life.
Thank God for the ability to share those moments with one another .... to connect on a level that's more than parent/child ..... it's starting to be adult/adult. And that feels amazing. Those moments almost make all of the horrifically hard only-parent moments worth it.
Almost.
Of course the parent/child feeling will always remain, but maybe, hopefully, less so.
I'm happy for him.
I'm proud of him.
And Jim is smiling down on him.
Thanks, Peeps .... and Happy Tuesday.
:)
15 comments:
yeah God!
Good news all the way around.
He's "living" with a friend? LOL So you had problems with him and now he's their problem? Hmmm... so that's how that works.
Hope that you remember this when you are older and can't care for yourself and need help. Years move on, tides shift, and powers change. Nursing homes are horrible places to be, but I'm betting that you have put your loved ones there too. Friend's house... nursing home.. no longer your problem and you will be no longer his problem.
Are you kidding me? You went to see someone else's child the same time yours was coming home to re-group? Wow!
I do not know you Janine, nor have I ever commented on your blog (which I have been reading for 2+ years now) but Anonymous' comments have struck a chord with me. And I can only imagine what you feel when you read something like that. I'm sorry that you had to read that.
To Anonymous: I'm pretty sure that Janine does not post on her blog to be judged by anonymous people. If her decisions bother you so much, then maybe you shouldn't be reading. And do remember that they are just that: HER decisions. Butt out. Get a life.
Anonymous - those comments are really mean. We have been in that situation albeit with a grandson, and believe me, until you have lived it (and even then) you have no right to judge what someone else has to do. Really; I feel sad for you and your lack of compassion and understanding.
Hi Janine,
So glad that things are looking up for you! I hope that they continue to go in that direction! I wanted to say that if "ANONYMOUS" dislikes you so much,,and the decisions that you have chosen to make,,,why don't they just stop reading your blog, and find something better to do! They sound like a very angry person.
Take care, honey,
Jacquelyn
WOW, Janine I am SOOO happy for you and son #2 it really sounds like things are going well for you guys and its about darned time!!! You could do with a break from the problems about now couldn't you Janine!
Anon with the attitude....I think your comments and approach are out of line and quite rude!! At first I to spoke out about how she should let him move home but I never said so in such a horrible way!!!!
After much thought, watching my own kids, and trying to "walk in her shoes" I agree with Janine on this one! Tough love is so much better than enabling a child into failure.
Keep up the good work Janine!
Crack me up!! So, Anon #1 (or both, if you're the same), so you never lived with a room mate? You never shared a house or apartment with someone?
Really?
Too bad. It might have taught you how to deal with people a bit better.
Anon #2 (or both, if you're the same): Yes, I did. He wasn't coming home. He was moving in with someone and was excited to spend the weekend with his girlfriend, whom he missed very much. As for "re-grouping" ..... you evidently don't know me, or my "child"/19 year old son .... ha! imagine judging someone you don't even know .... the weekend was about having fun with his friends and celebrating being back. He's in a great place (as I wrote above) and isn't "re-grouping". He did that in San Diego. He's happy and excited about the future.
Thanks for being so understanding.
And thanks to those of you who wrote to show support.
I thought about deleting those 2 comments when I read them, but then I thought, "what the heck?" This person/persons don't know me so she/they don't know what they're talking about. And though she/they intended those comments to hurt me, not so much.
Hell, I think I've been through worse. And besides, they made me smile. :)
I think they hurt you Peeps more than they impacted me. So for that, I'm sorry.
And just so you know ... you guys rock! :)
I just have to say, that Judgemental people like Anon 1 scare me a whole lot. Really? Who would even post something like that! Your blog has helped so many people, myself included. You share so much of your life but by no means can any of us strangers out here in cyber space even begin to know what you deal with everyday in your life. I'm glad you left Anon's comment up there and you didn't take it personally. You have a lot more supporters than you do Judgemental people like Anon. I don't even know why they are reading your blog to begin with! I've said this in comments before Janine, but I'll say it again, you are an inspiration!
Janine,,
I just have one more thing to say about "anonymous". First of all; it's quite a normal thing for a person,your son's age, to move in with a friend. It happens ALL.THE.TIME! Also...them saying that you sent him to be someone else's problem. He's 19 YEARS old,,,not 19 MONTHS old. AND,as far as re-grouping..if I remember correctly; wasn't he only gone a little over 4 weeks, or so,,,,,,,,he wasn't gone 4 YEARS.
Damn,,I would really hate to know the miserable life that he/she leads.
Big hugs to you & your son.
Jacquelyn
So nobody judge Janine for her actions of judging her son? Nobody can say a word to Janine because we aren't "walking in her shoes" but she isn't "walking in her son's shoes" either but certainly judging him... hmm... I guess it is OK to judge some people but not others.
Don't "judge" is so lame. We judge people everyday and when parents act in horrible ways, I will call them out. The streets are full of people that families have kicked out.
So, her son's friend feels bad and lets him stay there. If the friend wanted a roommate, he would have gotten one before. This is helping a friend whose family has kicked him out. Period.
BTW, don't "judge" her son when he has no time for his Mom when she is older and needs help. What goes around comes around, often sooner than you think.
Jackie,
Can I call you Jackie? The difference here, Jackie, is that he was kicked out of his house. Told not to come back. Scram, don't let the door hit you in the tush on your way out.... that's the difference! Healthy families don't act like this and everyone has issues with their children, no 19 year-old is perfect.
And I actually am a very happy person!:) I'm just really offended by this blog. People have it SO much worse than Janine, SO much. Oh, and she kicks her son out, who is having problems. And nobody says a word to her. Not cool, not cool at all.
P.S.
By posting on the net, you are inviting comments. You can't complain just because they are not to your liking. Make a private blog then, it isn't that hard.
Wow...anon really has issues she needs to deal with!
Anon .... I didn't delete your comment, nor did I complain about it. I wonder why you keep reading if you're so offended. What a waste of time.
You can "judge" me all you want. It makes no difference. You still don't know me or my son or what we've gone through together.
I've never said that I have it worse than anyone else. I've been the first one to say how blessed I am, so you seem to be arguing with yourself.
You obviously haven't heard of the term "tough love" .... yay for you. You must be quite blessed, too, because you seem to have perfect children and have never had to face the really hard issues that sometimes come with parenting teens. Good for you.
And yes, what goes around does indeed come around. You'll probably know more about that some day than most.
Good luck.
And thanks so much for reading .... and stretching yourself to read something so offensive. I salute you for your ability to face such ugliness .... and your talent for judging people so forthrightly.
But I don't salute you for your cowardliness in remaining "anonymous". You must not be that proud of what you have to say. Maybe one day you'll find the strength to judge others and use your own name. Until then, your words really are meaningless ..... but I'll ponder them anyway. Just for you.
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