I'm Feeling ....

.... better today.

I'm feel very calm about Son #2 and my decision.  Of course, he's not here banging on the door or anything, so I'll enjoy this while it lasts.

I'm not as angry at God today, which is very annoying.
I wanted to stay pissed at Him for a much longer time.
I'm still angry, just not as much.
I still can't pray ..... still don't feel like it's worth the effort, so I'm not.  I'm not going to fake it.
I'm sure that, too, will change.
Some day.

In brighter news .... ROFLMAO!!!!!
There is no "brighter" news ..... it's just in a different area of my life ..... which maybe could be brighter .....
My doctor's office called me yesterday morning to come in so they could get another urine sample.  Something about maybe getting the wrong antibiotic.
I could either cry or laugh over that one.  I chose to laugh.  I think that's a sign of going insane.
I told them that ironically, I was going to call them about coming in that same day because I don't believe my infection is gone.
So I went in.
They have to send it out to a different lab because they want some big culture test done.   But .... they figured out it was the right antibiotic ..... just evidently not the one to kick this sucker out.  And I finished it 3 days ago.

So I bought an at home test, thinking that if I still have an infection, I need to be put back on an antibiotic before this culture comes back (which MAY be tomorrow).
It was positive.  So I called the office this morning and told the nurse that.  And asked if it would be a good decision to put me on meds today.  She had to ask the dr, who was with a patient, but she'd call me right back.
Again .... ROFLMAO!!!
I really need to learn what the medical definition of "right back" is ..... because it's nothing like the regular American definition.
I had to leave to go have lunch with friends after a couple of hours.   I almost didn't go, but I'm glad I did.  It was great.  Even with pain shooting through my body.  It was very good for me.

When I got home I had a message from the nurse to call her back so she could tell me what the dr. said.
That was at 1:40.
I called, at around 2:30.
Their office closes at noon on Wednesdays ..... although she made the call after that.
But no one picks up the phone when you call after noon.
Ever.

So I'm dealing with the pain from this (which I've mostly had since Jan 1st), which is getting worse and worse.
And won't be able to start treating it until at least tomorrow.

I'd scream at someone, but I really don't have it in me.

Thanks again for the support, Peeps.
You make me smile.
:)