Thank you for the emails, texts, FB messages, etc. asking about me.
I'm good.
Mostly.
:)
I enjoyed the break from this blog. I wasn't sure if I'd put it back up. And I felt sad for those of you who are grieving and like reading it, but I had to stop for a bit.
But I'm back.
For now.
We'll see how it goes.
I'm going to the US Open next week.
In NY.
It will be my third US Open.
And I'm going to see "The Book of Mormon".
You know (or not), the show that won the Tony award for the best Broadway show last year.
I'm looking forward to that.
This is the last week of summer vacation for Son #3. He starts his senior year next week.
I talked with another mother of a senior tonight.
She has two children: a daughter who's in college, and a son who's also a senior. Just talking about her senior son almost made her cry.
Me? Not so much.
I have been doing public school for 22 years.
Yes. TWENTY TWO YEARS.
I am toast. Done. Over it. Got the t-shirt. Rode the roller coaster. Ready to move forward.
Funny ..... I'm not the only one.
Son #3 has a really bad case of "senioritus". He told me he's had it since the 7th grade. He is ready to move on.
I don't blame him.
Because so am I.
We are both ready to start the next phase of our lives.
Somewhere else.
I never thought I'd feel that way.
Ever.
But ..... my widowed path has been very much like most widowed paths. Unfortunately.
I didn't think it would.
I thought that the people in my life were different.
Some are.
Some are not.
This has been a year of learning.
Learning that not everyone is to be trusted.
Learning that some people are truly bad people.
And they only want to be the center of attention ..... all of the time.
And as long as they can use you, they will.
I will not be used.
And I am so over being around people who are constantly negative, and constantly needing to "one up" me on the "my life sucks" scale. I have never tried to compete with that .... because you just can't win with someone who has to always be the center of attention. Even having a dead husband can't trump whatever is going on with them.
According to them.
I put up with that for a very long time.
But no more.
Life is too short to spend time with negative people.
And it's a relief to be done.
It's also a relief to know that I escaped a boatload of crap when I ended a relationship.
I can't believe how much I didn't know.
How much was kept secret.
How much this person wanted to use me.
Thank God, literally, that I saw the face of "crazy".
Thank God, literally, that "crazy" can't be hidden forever.
In one week it will be a new school year.
It will be a new year.
And it will most likely be a last year.
For both of us.
It will be a year for me to focus on my last child and his last year at home.
And that's a good thing.
He, and no one else, will be my focus this year.
I hope that it's a good year.
For both of us.
And I hope that we can enjoy each day as it comes, even as we count down the days until we can move on.
Life is not as I expected it to be.
Not as I hoped it would be.
It is what it is.
I miss Jim every day.
I will always miss Jim every day.
But I won't stop living.
And I won't settle for less than I had .... for less than I want.
It should be a very interesting year.
Happy Friday/Saturday, Peeps.
:)
