Life is Good ......

......just the way it is.

Though I would never have been able to say that one, two, three ..... or five years ago.
It took a while ...... almost five years, to be exact ...... but things are good.
I am happy.
I am content.
I know what, and who, is important.

Things are going well, and though I hesitate to say much ...... I think that maybe, just maybe, this last infusion has helped my joints.
Not a huge amount, but still ...... any amount of relief is welcome.  And I think that there has been some relief.
Which gladdens me to no end.
:)

The kids are all doing well.
I've been able to hang out with Son #2 and I love that.  He's doing pretty well, though life for him isn't perfect.  But then, it's not perfect for anyone so he's doing pretty well.

Son #3 and I went out for dinner tonight.  I enjoy spending time with him.  He's growing up.  And while I may not always agree with his choices, I enjoy spending time with the young man he's becoming.

The two dogs are adapting well.  I think the first couple of days were a bit hard for them ...... or so it seemed.  But they seem happy to be here.
And Koda, the black lab, loves following me around.  He is my constant shadow (unless Son #3 is at home. Then it's him being followed).  In much the same way that Oliver did when he first came here.
Every time I get up and go do something, Koda is right beside me.  Which is hilarious, and sometimes frustrating.  But mostly hilarious.  I guess he thinks that he might miss out on something exciting if he doesn't stick close by.

Having 2 adult dogs join your family is much easier than having 2 puppies.  They're basically calm, they don't chew, they aren't hyper, and they're trained to go outside when they have to "go".  Yes, the puppy stage is very cute and endearing and wonderful (minus the chewing and the peeing and the pooping), but these two dogs are really great.

And yes, as someone so "lovingly" and anonymously pointed out (though she's not anonymous to me), I have not had a great track record with pets these last 5 years.  No surprise there and no news there.  I readily admit that.  These 5 years have been ...... well, they've been interesting, to say the least.  And they've been very pain-filled.  And growth-filled.  And lesson-learning.  And eye-opening.

I did not always make the best decisions during these years, though I always felt I was doing the best I could.
If I had them to do all over again, I'd make a few different decisions, if I could.
There's nothing I can do about the way I grieved.  No matter what some people think.  It was what it was.  I lost who I lost and it was horrific.  But I survived, which I didn't think was possible 5, 4 or 3 years ago.
Nor did I know that I was being judged by people.  People who had, and still have, no idea what I was going through.  Lucky them.

My heart was so raw, and so full of unimaginable pain ...... that I often made decisions without the use of my brain.
And yes, my heart wanted to love someone, or something, and so I made some bad decisions about pets.  My heart led my brain, and I ended up with pets that I truly couldn't handle.  I wish that I had been wiser in that department.  I regret making bad decisions.
But that was then, when I was still so deep in grief that I couldn't see the consequences of my decisions ...... or any future they would affect.
I'm sorry for those decisions, and I would do them differently if I could, but I can't.  Grief is what it is.
And for those who judge so harshly, I again tell you that I truly hope that you never, EVER, have to experience the death of your wonderful husband.  But if you do, I hope that no one EVER judges you the way you chose to judge.  Because.  You.  Have.  No.  Idea.
None.
Zero.

But here I am ...... five years down this road, and I am happy.  I am content with my life and who is, and isn't, in it. (The only people who are no longer in my life have chosen that for themselves.  I thank them for freeing me of their disapproval and judgements.)
And I know that I'm now able to make better decisions, and stick with them.
And where I once made a rash decision, based on the needs of my heart, I can now make a sound, informed decision, based on the needs of a friend ...... and my family.
And so we have two new dogs ...... Son #3 and I.  And I will do my best to spoil them rotten, and to make sure that the rest of their lives are happy ...... because my friend who owned them cannot.  I will do my best to make sure that these dogs will be loved just as much as they would have, had their original family not been transferred to South Africa.

Five years ago I would've made a rash decision, and then most likely not been able to follow through with it.
Thankfully, five years has brought a lot of change.
And contentment.
And happiness.
In spite of ...... so much.

I am not perfect.
I have never been close to perfect.
And I never will.

But I have done the best I could.
No matter what people have thought.
They have not walked in my shoes.
And I hope, for them, that they never do.

Because this kind of grief is horrific.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone, no matter how horrible of a person they are.
No one should have to experience this.
But 50% of them will.
And when they do, I hope that no one ever, EVER judges them they way they have judged.

I can't understand why some people choose to hate, and keep expending energy on hating, especially when I only wish the best for them.
Life is short.
Way too short.
Focus on your family.
And on your friends.
And enjoy each day as it comes.
Because you aren't promised a tomorrow.
Don't use up any energy hating people who aren't in your life.
Don't waste your time reading their words.

Use the time you have to show love to your family and the people you love.
Forgive when you can.
Move forward when you can't.
I wish the best for you.
I wish peace and love and contentment for you.

Life is too short to wish for anything else.

Happy Monday/Tuesday, Peeps.
:)