I laughed yesterday for a bit. It felt good. The girls and I were watching the "Sexiest Mens Legs Contest" at the pool.
Today, for the first time, I was able to open a Bible and read. Then I was able to journal -- a real entry for the first time. I don't count the entry I made two days ago which was really just a "What the hell were You thinking?" tirade in huge letters.
And though this goes off into a totally different religious sphere, I felt like Jim was channeling through me today. I started a list of things I need to do when I get home. For those of you who really know him (can't force myself to use the past tense), this is classic.
So, a bit of light at the end of a very, very long tunnel. However, I don't trust that the light will remain. Yet.
The kids and I went to Jamaica today and never had a close encounter with death. Well, unless you count Sons #2 & #3 and Daughter #3 going down a 100 foot slide into the ocean. And Daughter #3 continually getting hit on by men (not boys!).
Tomorrow we go to the Caymans.
Jo, I'm not sure what to do about the flowers --- if the box is refrigerated do you think they'll keep? Whatever you think is best. Thanks.
W.H. -- too weird. Thanks.
I guess that's it for today. I'm exhausted and dinner is still 3 hours away. I expect to feel exhausted for quite a while. I hate that.
I still feel as though I'm living someone else's life. But the hope that I'll wake up from this is slowly fading.
Keep commenting, texting and praying. I don't know what I'd do without all of you.
21 comments:
Love You!!!!
Kim and Di
K and I moved all your cars around tonight.It was somewhat humorous trying to figure out which keys go to which cars etc...Glad I took a look at the windshields of Daughter #2 and Daughter #3's cars. The girls told me they needed inspection stickers......but after looking a little bit closer.....aha....they need oil changes. Good thing I saw this before I went to the Inspection place.
Also--the doctor says I did not get into too close of contact with son #2--it was Jovie(thanks JK for putting her on my lap!). Its a good thing I have T and not J at my house. By the way, T is doing great. I have only seen her in her bed once! She mostly stays lounged on any lap that is available. Love you and miss you--Di
Please let daughter #3 know that her future M.I.L. is reading this blog and to watch out for those men!!!
Jo and I put the flowers in water today in the church office- I think they will keep for a while so I will bring them over on Sunday when you get home.
I'm glad you were able to journal!
Please keep my D.I.L. away from all those men while in the Caymans!
I love you,
Kim
I have heard a number of songs recently that have made an impression on me. Here are the words to one of them:
My Surrender
Mark 8:35, Luke 9:23,24
Does it all sound the same?
Are my words getting through?
I've been trying so hard
And I'm about to break
So here I am with all I have
And I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
I surrender
Yeah, I'm giving it all back to You
All back to You
This is my surrender
Take it all
And what song can I sing
But the songs that You give
I have nothing to bring
That did not come from Your hand
So here I am with all I have
All my plans and all my dreams
I'm giving it all to You
I lay it all down at Your feet
I'm Yours
So what song can I sing but this song?
Written by: Steven Curtis Chapman and Matt Bronleewe
P.S. Little Man took 23 steps today!
thoughts and prayers continue. to say anything else sounds trivial to me, but you are all loved.
I have to share this with you (I know I have been commenting alot- I'm sorry, I miss you!)
I was reading through some of your older posts, and Ty climbed up on my lap to see what I was doing. He saw the picture of the kids, and named each of the boys- then he looked at the girls- I pointed to Daughter #1 and said who is this? He said L?, I said no, its W. I pointed to daughter #2 and said who is this? and he said L? and I said no, this is K. Then I pointed to daughter #3 and said who is this, and he said L!!!!! and I said, wow Ty, you seem to really like L?? and he said "Don't tell her, but I kinda broke up with Ashley Toosdale (Ashley Tisdale- his "dream girl")and now I am kinda with L!!" He made me promise I wouldn't tell L about his love for her! but I am not telling L, I am telling you.
That girl is going to be my DIL one way or another!
miss you!
K
Janine:
I just wanted you to know how much I have been thinking of you all. You have been in my thoughts daily. No matter how normal or hectic this past week has been, my thoughts and prayers turn to you. As I read your last posts, I know that I have definitely hugged Frank tighter each day. As I sat in church on Christmas Eve thanking God for all my blessings, my thoughts quickly turned to you and I began asking for more strength to come your way. Your relationship with Jim sounds alot like ours. As a matter of fact, I told him the other day that he could possibly get away with a little more for awhile. He smiled, he knew what I meant. I did not know that he would take me up on it so quickly. Last night as we arrived at a friends house, he had nicely gone to the back of the car to retrieve some food, as he was talking to my son, he did not realize that I had also come to the back to help get stuff. He then slammed the back of the car on my head! Yes hard! As I shouted something very unbecoming at him, I could not stop the instant tears, again my thoughts were of you. How weird or is it? He felt so bad and I just hugged him and said I knew it was an accident! Probably not my normal response to something like this. I know had this happened over a week ago, my reaction would have been much different. Alot different! Please know my thoughts are with you. Love, your little, Jennifer
Hey Sweets:)
Glad to hear that some "sexiest legs" made you laugh a little.
We just got back from Dad's house. He and Marilyn are really thinking about you. We all are. Please hug all of the kids for me...and keep looking to the future, knowing that Jim is always with you. As hard as it seems to believe right now, God never leaves you alone.
I love you.
Lisanne
Hi Sis...
Don't know if you can get this from where you are, but here's a link to a picture of (In Janine-speak!) your nieces, #2 & #3.
They wanted me to send their love..so here it is!
http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i254/LisieDee/MyGirls.jpg
Love you!
Lis
Janine, Roger and I are so sorry to hear of Jim's passing. You are in my prayers, and the children,a nd particularly C., Jeb was very affected by the news. I have to say you are such a light to me. You are going on with trust in our Lord, as unfathomable as it may seem right this minute, knowing he knows what is best for us all. Jim sees you and is with you, dear one! With much love, the Gebharts, (now in Charlotte, NC)1 Peter 5:7, John 14:27
Are you able to check email from the ship? I wanted to send something besides a public omment, but am not sure if you can get them. Maybe everyone shouldn't know about my crazy dreams of seal hunting and grapefruit-rearranging ;) I watched A Christmas Carol for the 1st time the other night with the kids & my parents. They thought it was stupid but I loved it. I appreciated its odd sense of humor and loved how the kids would do just awful things and the parental response was always just love. I first heard of it in Nepal when Chuckles the video guy for the documentary started singing "Deck the halls with baughs of horry" and I was like what the heck are you singing?? And so he told me it was a classic and I Had to see it. :) So I did. Thinking of you!
Hi my darling daughter.
I'm so glad you found something that made you laugh out loud. Isn't that wonderful? One of these days that will happen and it won't even surprise you. Oh glorious day.
I wanted to tell you how very, very proud of you I am. I didn't get a chance to do that before we left. Seeing you at the service, in all your pain & grief, and yet giving praise to God made me prouder of you than I have ever been. I am fortunate indeed, for having you in my life.
I love you all more than I can express. I miss you all.
Though we do not know each other that well, just through staff and the honor I had of Jim's humor through Confirmation meetings, I want you to know that you and your family are in our thoughts. My daughters Ashlee and Amanda who are both in youth with the boys are keeping them in their prayers. "Words" seem to be just that sometimes, words. I'm sure I don't have the right "words" now if there are even any. Just know that you and your family are in our hearts, our thoughts and prayers daily. -Wendy Beasley
J,
I LOVE reading your friend's posts to you each day. What a wonderful
group of people you have surrounding you with love! You know, I
married a younger man...so maybe Kim will get her D.I.L. one day!
*grin*
Love you SO much,
Lis
It is good to see that you were able to laugh and think about making lists of things to do. I've been missing you and look forward to seeing you soon. Still praying for you and your crew daily.
love you-
Denise
Just happened upon your blog - thinking of you and your 6 during this tough time. Thoughts and prayers, and warmest wishes.
Janine--
You are always in my thoughts and prayers. You have such clairty of expression. The tunnel is long but I am glad you had a flicker of light. "Though I walk through the valley...." the valley is long the way is deep but He is there....even when you are mad at Him. HE can handle it...you are precious to me!
My prayers are with you.
Mary
I think of you all everyday and check your blog practically every time I pass by the computer. Its in the kitchen so you can imagine how many times a day that is. Its comforting somehow. I haven't made any comments yet because I am still a little speechless. I keep thinking about how I felt years ago when I lost my dad. One of the nicest things someone said to me was that it was ok to smile and have fun when you are ready. I know that feeling seems far off but I promise it will come and you will be so grateful for all the happy memories you will always have.
We love you.
L
It was so good to see you a couple of months ago when you were so excited about your trip to Kenya. Who knew so much could happen in such a short amount of time? I have been keeping up with your posts and pray daily for you to have strength but most importantly to have hope. You had a relationship with your husband that too few achieve - what a legacy for your children. I have taken your advice and hugged my husband a little tighter and longer. Always - Susan
Awww, crum! I messed up that link to the girls' picture. Try this one instead.
http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i254/LisieDee/MyGirls.jpg
Love you and have been thinking about you ALL day!
Lisanne
I was so relieved to see your post this morning. Like the others, I check it every time I walk by my computer. I missed you yesterday, but I know that there will be times when you just can't bring yourself to sit and write. I hope that in some way, you can feel my heart there with you...because it's definitely there. I have hugged my husband a million times this past week, each time remembering that you told me to cherish every moment. I do...even when I want to strangle him for various reasons! (I think I have him very confused!)
The kids are off of school this week, so it's crazy at home. I actually escape to work for a few hours each day:) We have so many animals now...and it's been SNOWING here for a couple of days...so everything is muddy and wet. The pigs are ready to go to the butcher (Okay, well...I'M ready for the pigs to go to the butcher!), the goats think they are house-guests, the horses want to stand on the porch and look in the window, the cats perch on the roof over the door and wait for someone to open it so they can make their great leap...hoping to get in before the door slams and they look like Persians...and all four dogs think it's neccesary to blast through the door, leaving huge muddy paw prints all the way through my kitchen, then, of course..."wiping" their feet on my dining room carpet! I tell ya', it's a good thing I have an industrial carpet cleaner!
Being the incredible wife that I am *grin*, I bought Tosh an AK-47 for Christmas. He has subsequently killed several of the trees behind our house and will now need to chain-saw them down before they fall over! Remind me to tell you about my recent fall..(okay, it wasn't really a "fall"...I was thrown on my head.) where I woke up in an ambulance. It's a good thing I have your hard head!
I love you my dear sister...so very, very much. Please kiss the kids (yes, embarrass the boys) and tell them that I'm thinking about them. I'm really looking forward to spending some time with you.
Huge Hug,
Lisanne
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