Feeling the need to scream ....

.... so I'll write.

     I know that "the wait" is stressing me.  I know that it's affecting me physically and emotionally. And I know that it's out of my hands, as so much has been.

So today I'm feeling overwhelmed.  

I have a dead battery that won't stay charged.

I have a boat license that needs to be renewed but they won't let me do that until I transfer the title from Jim's name into mine.  And that, is not simple, but overwhelming.

I have many accounts that need a name change.  But no one will ever just take my word for it that he is dead.  I have to jump through so many hoops that I just can't do it.

Every-single-thing-is-so-damn-hard!  

Yes, I know that there are men out there who would help me if I'd ask.  But these are men with families, with jobs, with their own "stuff" to deal with .... and so I hate to ask.

I know that doesn't make sense .... unless you are/or have been where I am.  

I have a son who needs better mothering than he's getting right now.

I have several things that need  more from me right now.

But I seem to be paralyzed and overwhelmed .... by "the wait".

And so I write.

And feel a little better.